Walking Barefoot in Snow

Know why?  Because i've always been cautious and it never saved me any aggravation.  If anything it prolonged it. I'm happy.  The kind of happy i've never experienced before.  No pressure, no have too's, no worrying about what anyone thinks, or feels, or says.......my eyes are wide open and i can't see a thing to run from or throw a caution flag on. Its new.  We are crazy.  And we don't give a care.  I've waited my whole adult life for this man and i'm not wasting any more time.  It feels good to be cared about and to have him let me care about him.  It feels good to TALK to him and to listen to what he has to say.  It feels good to feel that fire and also the laughter, the mutual respect, the mutual need for more of each others company.  The inability to keep our hands off each other.  He's hot and he's smart and he's all grown up.  He takes care of himself AND me when i'm with him, and i plan on being with him a LOT....

I should know by now not to make any definitive statements about future events i have not yet experienced.  I usually end up eating my words. Gimme that humble pie......i'll eat the whole thing if it means I get to be happy.  Not the surface, blind, fleeting happiness that i've had in the past.  This is a real, deep and calm happiness.  The kind you know that no matter how far you dig down, you can keep digging -  and never hit bottom. I didn't think he even existed, but he does. I can be with a man who sets my world on fire, making me forget any other man AND is responsible, grown up, able to take care of himself and WANTS to have me be part of his life.  Only me.  I CAN in fact be enough for a man.  I'm not "too much" as i have been told by lesser men.   You know the best part?  I don't have to dull my light to let his shine.  I don't have to be less of me for him to be comfortable.  I don't have to slow down, speed u...

This smiling business begins to hurt after a while......seems that genuine and joy filled smiles may use more face muscles than I thought.  Bring on the wrinkles.  Completely worth it. What a strange place to be.  Completely un-tethered to anything and yet more solid and based then i have ever been in my life. Do i experience sadness on a daily basis anymore?  No.  There are moments and they pass. They are infrequent.  There really isn't room for those thoughts anymore, unless i purposely recall them as I am at this moment. Why do that?  Because I want to understand the part i played in unhappy relationships.  Because i don't want to repeat it for a third round.  I don't want to fall into the same trap of losing my head as much as i'm willing to give my heart.  To the right man.  Since my picker is broken, i'm not sure i trust my own judgement anymore so i need to check myself occasionally. Looking at where i am right now, a...

This afternoon I was mortified and then furious.  I got called a loser, a shitty human, full of shit, a waste of time, a liar, and oh, a user. Because i did not want to go out on a second date with him. I don't know WHAT i was thinking, he's such a wonderful guy with such a full vocabulary.   I can't be too careful.  But i have to be not TOO careful.  It's all so confusing, frustrating and yeah a little bit dangerous.  This fucking guy was all hands and wouldn't stop.  Why didn't I leave?  Because i fell into that trap of not wanting to make a scene and feeling like maybe it was my imagination.....you know, the shit women think that stops them from punching an asshole in the face.  or breaking his fingers.  Here i am, 49 and still reacting the way i was trained to.  Well, this guy was a wake up call.  This time i made it away in one piece non the worse for ware, that way of thinking and not responding will get me...