Walking Barefoot in Snow

 I belong to a group on Facebook for single people over the age of 50.  People from all over the country are members.  It's a pretty large group and i'm an on and off participant.  Mostly i view the conversations and memes.  At time, i will post a question or situation to get feedback. Thursday i recieved no text or phone call from "Ted" the man who had asked me on Monday to go for drinks on Thursday after work.  We made the plan and that was it.  No further contact.  Thursday, after work, i went home, got changed and did my usual thing.  At 6pm he texted me that he was "there" waiting for me. I texted him back and said "I had not heard from you, took it as disinterest, and made other plans" He wasn't happy.  He said, "if you needed conversation from me you should have said something"....... This man is supposedly an executive in a large insurance company in CT.  If he doesn't know that confirmation AT THE VERY LEAST is common cou...

 Meeting a stranger after work tonight to have an alcoholic beverage and awkward conversation....i know you are jealous.  You want to be me.  Admit it. I like his white hair and dimples.  That should be enough.   The man who comes and gets all our shred once a week (theres a lot) is very cute and personable.  He has three grown daughters and he is a protective father.  I think i've seen him having lunch with some little hottie a couple of times.  He's nice.  Yesterday he came in and got the shred and when we was leaving he told me he loved my haircut.  He said " i saw you yesterday and wow, you look great" and he did the wow face.   This man isn't hitting on me, he's a nice man.  I felt like a million bucks after that.  A genuine compliment.  That felt nice. But today, i'm having a fat day.  Nothing feels right on me.  I'm going home to change after work and mystery man is getting jeans and a t-shi...

 Maybe i'm going to die soon and my past is revisiting me to make amends? First, Bill pops up again (predictable) Then Mr. Tattoo reaches out for some flirtation before disappearing again Those are the only two men i've remotely attached to since my breakup over 10 years ago.  Can't really call them relationships since it mostly went one way.  Me to them.  Them not choosing me. I have dated a few men more than once, really, i have! Theres Mr. Tickle (i can't remember how i referred to him before but we dated on and off and he has a tickle fetish).  He pops up as viewing my stories and my linked in.  He's engaged to the woman he was with for years before dating me (apparently on the side)....so what NOW?   And today, Mr. Saybrook, the guy that needs someone to move in to his house so he can pay for it, sends me a message on instagram. He was another one, couldn't stay with one woman.  We dated a few times, i saw all the signs of being love bom...

 I have no patience. I have been working on besties project for 2 weeks now and last night i thought i was finished.  The plan i had in my head was finished. But it doesn't look finished to me. And I see all the places i made mistakes. It looks like a kid did it. Now to be fair, i only JUST started watercolor painting within the past year.  I didn't take classes, or do anything besides fool around with it, and watch some shorts online to technique.  I'm not a good rule follower. I felt the same way about Jens gift and she loves it.  Still talks about it and shows people what i made for her.  So it can't be that bad, or she is supporting her special needs friend. (eye roll) Making a gift for someone is......a labor of love.  I hope she loves it.   Thats what last night was.  Home, read for about an hour, heat up leftovers, finish besties project, read, bed. Fall asleep at 8:30pm, wake up at 10, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5:30am before finally giv...

 i did it, took the initiative and applied for a lateral position where i work.  I don't have the degree to go any higher.  I love my current job, but i've been catching on to the fact that my whole program is on the chopping block and they are just waiting for my boss to leave first. I sure as hell am not going to be the one to tell him that all his work is going down the chute.  It is an incredibly intricate and difficult program, i'll say that.  And i know it inside and out.  Saying that, not one person from that office has invited me to a meeting or inquired about my suggestions on how to simplify it. I am the pee on, and work with leadership.  They make random decisions and changes and don't think to ask the person who is doing the work.   I spoke to my "new" current boss about what my position will look like when my "old" boss is officially gone.  No one knows what is going on, but everyone insists that i don't have to worry about ...

 the past couple of nights have been doozies!  Tossing and turning, waking up fully awake and ready to rock and roll in the middle of the night.  It's going to catch up to me.  Probably when i least need it to. Dreaming a lot about work.  I will feel much better once we have passed into July - and i have made the cut and someone has agreed to finance my paycheck.  I feel so out of control and pissed off that the SOM just decided they aren't paying for me next fiscal year *poof.   Everyone tells me not to worry that of course i'll have a job but .........i'd be insane not to worry.  My contract was with SOM.  I'm basically free floating at the moment.  FML Here's the thing, finding work at my age will be near impossible because they expect me to retire within a few years.  AND they won't want to pay what i would expect to be paid for my experience. Mama isn't working for free and giving up the knowledge.  Sorry.  ...