Skip to main content

Posts

The latest

all aflutter

 i did it, took the initiative and applied for a lateral position where i work.  I don't have the degree to go any higher.  I love my current job, but i've been catching on to the fact that my whole program is on the chopping block and they are just waiting for my boss to leave first. I sure as hell am not going to be the one to tell him that all his work is going down the chute.  It is an incredibly intricate and difficult program, i'll say that.  And i know it inside and out.  Saying that, not one person from that office has invited me to a meeting or inquired about my suggestions on how to simplify it. I am the pee on, and work with leadership.  They make random decisions and changes and don't think to ask the person who is doing the work.   I spoke to my "new" current boss about what my position will look like when my "old" boss is officially gone.  No one knows what is going on, but everyone insists that i don't have to worry about ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »
Recent posts

Sleep eludes me

 the past couple of nights have been doozies!  Tossing and turning, waking up fully awake and ready to rock and roll in the middle of the night.  It's going to catch up to me.  Probably when i least need it to. Dreaming a lot about work.  I will feel much better once we have passed into July - and i have made the cut and someone has agreed to finance my paycheck.  I feel so out of control and pissed off that the SOM just decided they aren't paying for me next fiscal year *poof.   Everyone tells me not to worry that of course i'll have a job but .........i'd be insane not to worry.  My contract was with SOM.  I'm basically free floating at the moment.  FML Here's the thing, finding work at my age will be near impossible because they expect me to retire within a few years.  AND they won't want to pay what i would expect to be paid for my experience. Mama isn't working for free and giving up the knowledge.  Sorry.  ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

time alone

 I spent the entire weekend alone if you don't count going out shopping.  Yesterday i went to Ocean State Job Lot in Canton because it's my favorite place to find different food that won't cost a fortune (like World Market in West Hartford, which i LOVE but is a litte expensive) It was rainy and dreary cold....so i got dressed (i had planned a pj day) and headed out to browse.  I forgot i had to go through Burlington to get to the store and as i was driving i started to panic.  But it went away.  I drove through, no problems.  The only thought i had was that he is a coward and that i will be taking the hike in the woods very soon.  He won't be there to see my improvement.  His loss.  My gain. I lost more than weight and weakness over the past year.  I made room for self love and self care.  Of course because that was my route when going to see him I was going the think of him, but his influence over my emotions is losing strength....
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

what day is it?

 Woke up this morning thinking it was Sunday, and feeling like booooooo. I asked Alexa what day it was.  Twice.  Then i believed him.  Yes, my Alexa is a "He". I don't believe anything he says either until i've confirmed it. HA The project for my besties birthday has me kerfluxed.  I have a few options, and i'm running out of time.  Maybe buying stuff I can't afford is the better option.  No.  I kid.  I just don't know if she will appreciate how much time and planning is going into making her something one of a kind, from my heart. I'm not an artist.  I'm a sentimentalist.  If i make it for you, it's filled with love.   Side trip, i'm making my mini bookcase.  It's an ongoing project that is not original.  One of the downsides of reading library books, or electronic books on my kindle is that I don't have the books to represent how much and what i've been reading.  My comfort.   I saw a few people ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

C'est moi!

 You ever do something you think you might regret but you go ahead and do it anyways because........you can? I do it all the time.  And a LOT of times, it works out.  Like this haircut.  I'm feeling myself.  I needed an update, a cleanup, something that better represented who i am right now. I don't give a FUCK about what men want.  It's all about me.  It's been a long time coming.  I had that long hair that was a big fat pain in the ass because i thought it would make me more attractive to the male species.   And i no longer care.  I like this short sassy hair.  It fits who i am.   And if i want to have a little flirtation fun sometimes with a man..........i'm going to do it.  Beause i want to.  Not because i think it's what he wants.   Something that hasn't changed over the years........i don't do what i don't want to do. No shame in my game. No giving away what my wants and needs are into the ha...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

This is what happens

 I go for long periods where the idea of sex, because it's attached to man, is a big no go.  If i knew him already, and knew what i was getting involved with.......that would be different.  But a new man at this point in my life feels like a big risk, and a big time sucker.   I've said before, we are single at this point in life, for a reason.  I'm not easy.  I want attention, reassurance, AND to be left alone, a lot.  It's kind of a puzzle to figure out which one when.  That makes me difficult.  I like my alone time.  I like my quiet time.  I also like to go out with my girlfriends and some men apparently are threatened by that.  They don't like me going out with the girls. I'll just say here, that i'm the one who growls at men who approach uninvited, and my girlfriends are all married.  Except me.  So if anyone is going to be a bad influence, it's me and i dont need to have witnesses.....i do better on my own. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

here's the thing

 All my energy is focused outward, on whatever male is prominent at the moment.  Or was.  I feel like something has shifted after Marine man.   I was so willing to once again ignore the red flags (love bombing, too much too fast) because i don't want to do the work.  The patient part.  The part where I sit back and learn a man, and if he fits into my life and what i want. It's fun to jump in.  But thats what teenagers do.  They have nothing to lose, like a job, income, housing, sanity...........jumping in blind is not a risk, it's a no win. So i noticed that i did it.  looked for the fun, and not the work of what it really takes to get to know someone.  I don't let friends in that fast.  Because i know the value of friends. Maybe i don't know the true value of a man.  Or maybe, it shouldn't matter till it matters. Anyways, that shift.   I've been called a cold fish, standoffish, hard, and sometimes mean by men th...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »