I go for long periods where the idea of sex, because it's attached to man, is a big no go. If i knew him already, and knew what i was getting involved with.......that would be different. But a new man at this point in my life feels like a big risk, and a big time sucker. I've said before, we are single at this point in life, for a reason. I'm not easy. I want attention, reassurance, AND to be left alone, a lot. It's kind of a puzzle to figure out which one when. That makes me difficult. I like my alone time. I like my quiet time. I also like to go out with my girlfriends and some men apparently are threatened by that. They don't like me going out with the girls. I'll just say here, that i'm the one who growls at men who approach uninvited, and my girlfriends are all married. Except me. So if anyone is going to be a bad influence, it's me and i dont need to have witnesses.....i do better on my own. ...
All my energy is focused outward, on whatever male is prominent at the moment. Or was. I feel like something has shifted after Marine man. I was so willing to once again ignore the red flags (love bombing, too much too fast) because i don't want to do the work. The patient part. The part where I sit back and learn a man, and if he fits into my life and what i want. It's fun to jump in. But thats what teenagers do. They have nothing to lose, like a job, income, housing, sanity...........jumping in blind is not a risk, it's a no win. So i noticed that i did it. looked for the fun, and not the work of what it really takes to get to know someone. I don't let friends in that fast. Because i know the value of friends. Maybe i don't know the true value of a man. Or maybe, it shouldn't matter till it matters. Anyways, that shift. I've been called a cold fish, standoffish, hard, and sometimes mean by men th...