Walking Barefoot in Snow

 This thing is gonna save my hands.  I never realized how weak my hands are until i was handling the handguns of a friend of mine.  I cannot drop the hammer OR pull the trigger....not even close.  I realize i can fix that for my personal firearm, but ........i don't like knowing i have weak hands.  Not okay.  As we get older the focus is on mobility but we forget how important our hands are too!  so i ordered this, just a simple one, no batteries, no charging , it runs on cyntriphical force alone.  It took me a few trys to figure it out......much like i'm STILL trying to figure out the damn hula hoop.  But i finally got it!  The wrist ball, not the hula hoop.  Still working on that one. I like being called during the day and having a real conversation that isn't about the weather and is about whats going on during our day, and ......why we are connected no matter how hard we try not to be.   I told him I really wanted to k...

 i opened pandora's box yesterday.  I had an overwhelming and immediate need to reach out to him. Fuck. I thought "whats the worst thing that can happen?"   By the end of the day he was telling me to meet him at his new shop and "just have a beer" .....and when i repeatedly said "no" he finally gave in with a "you're not interested".  Which was meant to have me respond.  And i did not. Last night when i was sleeping he sent me his "goodnight" text..the one that i used to wait for and if it didn't have kisses, i would feel like i was being punished.  Like a 16 year old. What is this dynamic?   I am so very wary of him.  And i can't stay away.  What the. FUCK. Addiction. Because when he responded to me, and told me what i needed to "hear" without prompting....I want to believe him.  But i know he hasn't changed.  I have. I can see myself, melting with his attention.  His affection because he knows that reals ...

 My work situation has been making me lose sleep.  It's not that i don't still love my job.  I do.  But it's all very uncertain. I'm not too worried about being unemployed.  It's mostly about what will I be doing, and where is my home?  At this point, i literally am a stepchild that no-one pays attention to aside from my boss. es.  Some say that's a good place to be.  Some don't understand financing, and who is paying for me to be here. I'm a program coordinator.  I have a program, and i coordinate it.  Along with that, i do general support for my "old" boss.  Now i have both and old and a new boss and it appears that the new boss will need a lot more support.  Thats me.  I know how to do it, i've BEEN doing support for the majority of my career.  I had finally grown out of it and moved into a position where i "owned" something. So many changes are happening at the top going down.   I have to protect myself....

 I belong to a group on Facebook for single people over the age of 50.  People from all over the country are members.  It's a pretty large group and i'm an on and off participant.  Mostly i view the conversations and memes.  At time, i will post a question or situation to get feedback. Thursday i recieved no text or phone call from "Ted" the man who had asked me on Monday to go for drinks on Thursday after work.  We made the plan and that was it.  No further contact.  Thursday, after work, i went home, got changed and did my usual thing.  At 6pm he texted me that he was "there" waiting for me. I texted him back and said "I had not heard from you, took it as disinterest, and made other plans" He wasn't happy.  He said, "if you needed conversation from me you should have said something"....... This man is supposedly an executive in a large insurance company in CT.  If he doesn't know that confirmation AT THE VERY LEAST is common cou...

 Meeting a stranger after work tonight to have an alcoholic beverage and awkward conversation....i know you are jealous.  You want to be me.  Admit it. I like his white hair and dimples.  That should be enough.   The man who comes and gets all our shred once a week (theres a lot) is very cute and personable.  He has three grown daughters and he is a protective father.  I think i've seen him having lunch with some little hottie a couple of times.  He's nice.  Yesterday he came in and got the shred and when we was leaving he told me he loved my haircut.  He said " i saw you yesterday and wow, you look great" and he did the wow face.   This man isn't hitting on me, he's a nice man.  I felt like a million bucks after that.  A genuine compliment.  That felt nice. But today, i'm having a fat day.  Nothing feels right on me.  I'm going home to change after work and mystery man is getting jeans and a t-shi...

 Maybe i'm going to die soon and my past is revisiting me to make amends? First, Bill pops up again (predictable) Then Mr. Tattoo reaches out for some flirtation before disappearing again Those are the only two men i've remotely attached to since my breakup over 10 years ago.  Can't really call them relationships since it mostly went one way.  Me to them.  Them not choosing me. I have dated a few men more than once, really, i have! Theres Mr. Tickle (i can't remember how i referred to him before but we dated on and off and he has a tickle fetish).  He pops up as viewing my stories and my linked in.  He's engaged to the woman he was with for years before dating me (apparently on the side)....so what NOW?   And today, Mr. Saybrook, the guy that needs someone to move in to his house so he can pay for it, sends me a message on instagram. He was another one, couldn't stay with one woman.  We dated a few times, i saw all the signs of being love bom...