Walking Barefoot in Snow

 Sleeping with my CPAP on makes a world of difference in my snoring.  I still hate the thing, but now, if i take it off and Don is there, he tells me to put it back on. Because otherwise he ends up on the couch because my snoring is so loud.  This has, historically, been an issue for any man that has spent the night.  Not that there has been many. This morning as i was getting ready for work he kept trying to get me back in bed.  It occurred to me as i was running around the room collecting my clothes and accessories, trying to avoid his grabby hands.....i'm very comfortable being naked in front of him. And that is new. I'm 58, have never been into physical fitness until recently when i realized, hey i can barely get up stairs anymore.  I've lost a lot of wieght so add in the droopy skin that comes with wieght loss, and the fact that i'm not 20 years old.....things don't snap back like they used to.  Yet, here i am walking around and having a conversat...

 I got me one of those fancy executive leather chairs now......woohooo....It was my bosses, but hey, now it's mine!   It's the small things in life. Don is coming over tonight.  As long as he is here Saturday night, thats okay.  We are meeting up with my friends for the first time at our old meeting place in Meriden.  I'm excited.  He probably isn't.  But it will make me happy. I hate to say it, but if he doesn't like my friends thats going to be a problem.   They just want me to be happy and to be treated well.  They know i don't have much luck with men.  So fingers crossed.  He'll be fine. He does have a jealous streak that concerns me.  As long as it doesn't get out of control or cause "drama" a little jealousy is okay.  I'm not sure what he is used to dating but he keeps telling me he hasn't dated anyone like me before.  Not sure what that means exactly, but the little he tells me about previous experien...

 i have nothing of importance to say.  I just like drama. hmmmm. Tell me how you really feel.   I wouldn't want to be around someone like that.   or around someone who feels comfortable saying that with no provocation.   I love it when someone expresses a strong opinion about me just for the sake of saying something nasty.   There was a time when that would have hurt my feelings. Instead i said "that was rude. i didn't deserve that" which i felt was quite civil.  It was an opportunity to explain just what the fuck the point of that statement was.  More importantly, it was an opportunity to roll it back and apologize. I talk too much and i say nothing important. That sounds like someone elses problem.  

 I was pregnant with my son during the gulf war.  And my DIL is pregnant with my grandson during this.....whatever we are calling it ...invasion of Iran?   I had my toddler daughter, and my big pregnant belly and i would have the news on all day until it drove me crazy.  It was right before Thanksgiving, and television had our military recording holiday messages for their families back home and i would sit and cry, and cry and cry.  Hormonal and emotional that anyone's babies were fighting a war. I still feel the same. Every generation has it's cross to bear, it's monumental moments in history.  And it's almost always a war.  Why.  Its a simple question.   People are shit.  Thats why.  Someone is always trying to get more than someone else, or have more power over other people......war between the sexes, the ages, the cultures, land, money, intellectual property, on and on and on.........I have to have more than you do....

I grew up in the 80's with awesome movies and music.  It ruined my expectations of what relationships are supposed to be - and then my own experiences and disapointments stepped in as the icing on the cake. I've never wanted to own my own business, i never really cared what i did for work as long as it paid the bills and I have no burning passions so create anything specific.  I've been very blase most of my life with anything other than romance and love. I wanted a family.  I wanted the white picket fence and early retirement so i could help with my grandchildren.  I wanted a vacation every year to somewhere new and i wanted time to read.  I wanted to ride on a motorcycle sometimes and i wanted a man who loved me as much as i loved him.  Ride or die.  I wanted friends to celebrate and share life with.  Thats the dream.  That was my happy life that i was shooting for. I got the family, and the best thing i ever did was give birth to two human...

What man isn't prince charming when he's first trying to date you?  And then, once you have shown interest .... over time familiarity, the truth starts to leak out.  No one is perfect, everyone has their moods and sometimes you just need a break from someone.   Side thought -I've never needed a break from Doug and Jen.  Just saying.  I've spent weeks with them, and have still gone to their house the following weekend.  It's easy, it's natural, we talk, we eat, we have fun, and we aren't always together even if we are together.  Sometimes, i play my games, or read, or even go take a nap and it's okay.  They do the same thing.  That is family.  That is comfort.  That is home.  Don and i are still new, and I do feel like he is pushing forward at a speed i'm not comfortable with.  I'm not going to play house with a man i just met.  Yes, he can spend the night, and have sex and hang out and go out shopping or site see...