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take care of home

i purchased a used rebounder that is basically brand new a couple of weeks ago.  It's much bigger than i thought it would be and my concern is that if i don't have it out, i won't use it.  So i rearranged my bedroom and now i have a place to sleep/dress/work out.  I can leave everything out because all i have to do is close the door. You know, in case anyone ever actually visits me. I have to get the rebounder from my friends house where i left it when i couldn't fit it in my car because i was not smart enough to break it down.  long story.   Now that i have room for my equipment i dragged out my yoga accessories and gave it a good restorative workout last night.  It felt quite literally amazing.  My room feels peaceful, restful and it has gone from being a place i wish i shared to a place that is purely for me and me alone. And it feels like heaven. It feels like home. Oh, i heard from cranky pants at 10:30pm last night.  He texted me asking...
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Proud of myself

 Maybe i have actually learned that I am happy by myself.  I watch a woman on tiktok who lists off the reasons she is happy to be single and live alone.  I laugh out loud when i listen to her because she hits it right on the head. Today, not having beard hair in the sink.....that's the one that had me laughing.  Every single man i've dated has beard hair in his sink.  Not Carlos.  He was the exception.  But even mr neat and tidy perfect man Bill had those little cut hairs in his bathroom sink.  I remember rolling my eyes when i saw that.  Not so perfect, eh? It's small things like that.  That will drive a woman up a wall.   If all i've been wishing for is peace........i have it.  Sometimes its quiet.  Sometimes i wish for a companion.  And then i date a little bit and it just doesn't balance out.  I have yet to meet a man that makes giving up my singledom worth it. Bill wanted me to give things up for him, t...
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Flu bayou

 Last weekend i worked an estate sale for two days and felt "off"....I kept running to the bathroom.  Not gonna give details, but, thank god there was a window.   I thought it was a nervous stomach.   Sunday night i met someone for dinner- and promptly decided that I was done dating.  I hate sitting across from a man who is so excited and happy that i am not a troll- and who starts talking about all the things we are going to do, when i know it's not going to happen.  I always offer to pay my part.  He declined, walked me to my car, gave me a nice hug and tried to aim for a kiss........which i successfully dodged as i jumped into my car. My stomach was hurting.  I thought it was because i was going to have to tell this very nice man that it was a no go. I had muscles.   That could be it. But......by the time i got home i was running to the bathroom and it was coming out both ends.  Not nerves then.  Must be the muscle...
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take note

 Yesterday BOTH (only two right now) men told me they were only talking to me.  I didn't ask.  I did tell them that i was dating.  And dropped it. One, the crusty older one who is a corrections officer, took a few shots - teasing or passive aggressive?  Don't know.  I haven't met him, or even talked to him on the phone.  Jealousy seems impossible. The other, younger, Big truck driver, passed over it......and continued talking about different restaurants and food, etc.  He talks more about the things he'd like us to do, places, activities- a little bit of flirting thrown in but nothing over the top.  We have a lot in common and there's a lot of things we both like to do. (Thrifting being a big one) Crusty talks about sex.  Not over the top, but it's his focus.  Hasn't really asked me any personal questions.....or given too much about himself up.  Beyond discussing work and what "open minded" is......not too much.  I have no...
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The difference

 I think i understand the concept of talking to many, and dating a few.  I'm not currently sleeping with any! lol  No plans to either. It makes one man less intense.  The focus is more spread out, and you start to notice who is interested and who is breadcrumbing.  You see it from a birds eye view.  It IS less personal and perhaps it should be.  Instead of focusing and paying so much attention to one man, if he's calling, if he's asked you out, if he is flakey............it just automatically shows up in comparison. This is the way to do it.  Take your time, talk to a few guys and see who is serious and who just wants attention.  Work is exploding and i'm trying to find my sweet spot, where i can do the best and be indispensable. In other words i'm all over the place, jack of all trades.  Hoping everything will settle when the fiscal year turns and they HAVE to figure out who is paying me, if at all. Last night I came home and had every ...
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my old tendencies

 Bill is sniffing around again.  Not for any love of me i'm sure, but for the reassurance that I still care. I do care.  I don't know why, but i do.  I could sit and analyze myself, but why put any more time into him?  It's not going to work between us.  It's over.  He's like an addiction.  If i have contact with him once, i'll be right back to the Bill addiction. And i keep wondering......why??? But like i said.  No more time wasted on a man who didn't know how to tell the truth, played head games, and wasted my time.  When i called him a coward i meant it.   “The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love without the intention of loving her” -Bob Marley. I'm sorry i had to understand that quote first hand. It just tells me that men like Bill have existed forever, and always will.  Women like me need to avoid them.  He's not "different".  He's not "original".  He's like many men before him and many ...
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Is it good or bad or does it not matter

I had a whole conversation with Darryl over the weekend and also with Carlos.   My bestie would have a cow if she knew i'm in contact with either one.  Thats why i don't tell her. It's really no one's business.  Even yours. (assuming anyone else reads this) I spent many years with Darryl.  Good, bad, ugly.....we know each other very well.  And now that we aren't together, we can be brutally honest with no consequence to the relationship.  It's not like someone is gonna end up on the couch.  I feel there is love there, tainted, but there.  We were never meant to be together forever.  We probably stayed together entirely too long.  But .......we know each other and there is a comfort in that. So sometimes we talk, and he tests the waters on if he can get some (he IS a man) and that gets shot down because i can't even imagine that.  Don't WANT to imagine that.  Nope.  He's my friend, kind of.  I can't talk to him ab...
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