My Karma

I believe in Karma.  What you put in to this life will come back to you, eventually.  The choices you make, the paths you choose, the people you love or hurt - it will always circle around. 

We don't see it when we are in it.  Or, we see it and don't care. We don't always think about how actions that feel wonderful in that moment will stay with us a lifetime, and may be a lot less than wonderful.  May in fact change your life from good to a living hell. 

Or maybe your life IS a living hell and you don't see it until it smacks you in the face so hard you can't ignore it any more.  And maybe that painful smack is the best thing that could have ever happened to you.  Karma is not a punishment.  Karma is what you are coming right back at you.

No one is perfect.  Everyone has done something they wish they hadn't, or hurt someone they wish they hadn't.  Everyone has regret of some kind, large or small. Karma is there to re-direct you so you don't make those choices again, so you can correct your path, make amends, to teach you to be a better person and therefor have a better life.

I haven't learned yet how to let go of bitterness.  I try.  I redirect myself.  But i still feel it in moments that catch me off guard, triggered by memories.  I should (and most times now DO) dismiss the bitterness and move along, turn my back, pretend not to see until i don't anymore.........but now i see that whether or not I acknowledge my pain and/or bitterness it is still there, residing in my being - taking up valuable space. 

Letting go of someone is not real.  Those who have hurt me, altered my life, the vision of how i saw myself..they will always be there in my being. 

Just like those who have loved me well, protected me, sheltered and cried with me will always be there, in my being. 

Not negative, or positive.  They just are. 

Moving on is misleading because it doesn't mean that i have left anyone behind.  Because even as I grow and experience and love deeper each day I realize this day is here because of the days that proceeded it........that the love I give now grew out of the love I gave before. 

My Karma. 

Wheel chairs and no regrets

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" Maya Angelou

Back to that thought in a moment. 

First, i want to write about my experience as a person in a wheelchair at a casino. 

My foot is broken.  Don't know how or when it happened (thats the fun part) but it took me about 3 weeks to finally go to the doctor with my swollen mystery foot to find out.  Of course now i'm not supposed to walk on it, just in time to go to a concert at the casino.

I could easily have cancelled but i've never seen a Backstreet Boys concert and I was curious.  My girlfriend invited me to go along with her, her 14 year old daughter and her friend. Can't forget Fergie.  I didn't understand a word she was saying but it looked fun. Love is blind  It was a night out with my friend more than going to a concert, at least for me.  So we checked our coats and I got myself a wheelchair that she pushed me around in all night.

At first, i thought this would be kinda fun.  And then.......

We tried to get coffee.  Well we DID get coffee but I would have loved to see what donuts were available at the Krispy Kreme (gotta love casinos) but people were standing in front of the display and they weren't about to move.  Getting napkins was another adventure and i'm glad C was able to push through and get them.  I wouldn't have been able to, pushed or not.

On to some shopping.  Wanted to check out Victoria's Secret because the store at the casino has more than the mall.  However, they have so much stuff that navigating through the store in a wheelchair is next to impossible.  Unless you want to knock down displays.  Or people.

Went into another store, wish i could remember the name, but it had a lot of country type decorations for the home- forget it.  It's not just the jam packed floor displays that block the isle its the people who refuse to move an inch out of the way.  Literally an inch.  Guess what?  no purchase was made in that store either.

Last was Brookstone.  I love this store but it was the same problem.  not enough space and displays that literally block wheelchairs from getting to certain parts of the store.  I saw a blanket on the back wall that I wanted in the worst way........too bad i couldn't get to it.  No purchases made.  Sorry Brookstone.

Lets talk about the people who give you dirty looks, or turn their butt into the face of the person with the wheelchair.  Or the people who talk to the pusher, about the rider, as if they don't exist. 

Here's the one good thing (aside from not having to walk the casino with a broken foot) - our seats got changed to the platform and we saw the concert with no one blocking us.

IF you are reading this and you've never had to use a wheelchair, please be more aware.  If you are a store floor planner, please remember that people in wheelchairs also have credit cards and would like to purchase your merchandise.  I, will not shop at any of the three stores i went into again.  Making sales does not trump discrimination, and that is exactly what it is.

Okay......the quote.  It came up in my facebook feed this morning as a "memory" and it reminded me that blaming someone for treating you poorly when you ALLOWED it to happen for whatever reason is weak.  People really do show you who they are, early on in any relationship.  If you make excuses for it, validate it, or pretend you don't see it because it fits your agenda better- that's on you.  Assholes will act like assholes.  Cheaters will act like cheaters.  It doesn't make them right, but it doesn't make you a victim either.  Walk. Away.  Or......run.   Or, admit that you participated in your own misery by trying to make someone something they aren't, or by ignoring or not believing who they are. 

Also, remember the good times.  No one stays in a relationship for years without some good times and it's okay to remember them.  And move along with a smile.  A great big smile.