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No longer the unknown

 Last night i was sewing a cloth and bag for my cards and STRENGTH kept popping out of the deck.

I hear you.  I got it.  I understand.

The strange part is i can look at his picture and still feel love. I feel love for the feelings he evoked in me when he chose to.  And I also feel emotionally regulated now that I know it's done.  No more up and down, or having bombs thrown into my lap.  No more having to make difficult CONTRIVED choices.  

I can breathe.

I got a lot of work done yesterday and today I believe i will complete my project, on time.  I'm savouring it, not knowing if i'll ever be doing this particular program again.  I don't know what is coming down the pike at work, but i DO know I will roll with it for as long as it serves me.

I've decided to stay where i am given that choice.  There is no need to pursue MORE work at this point in my life.  I'm on the downside.....not crawling to the top.  Effort should be put into my family, my friends, my personal goals.

I feel like everything is going as it should.  Removing people who do not align with what my future is shaping up to be.  I am still open to change, to growth, to reaching my full ability.........but in my personal life.

It's time to re-evaluate and set goals for the next 5-10 years.

BUT today, i will finish my project at work and then i will begin my packing list for New Smyrna Beach.  I can't wait to go.  The friends that Ed introduced us to last year have already reached out so we can see them again.  I'm excited!

I did have a brief texting conversation with Ed where we tell each other everything - I say "you tell me yours and i tell you mine".......concerns about us being more than friends.  Neither concern is insurmountable and at the same time, very valid.  We are in different places of life.  Just because we are naturally easy with each other doesn't mean it should add up to romance.

But it's nice to think about it.  He is very demonstrative, very affectionate.  A good man.  And our friendship means the world to me.  I don't want to complicate it.

Florida is around the corner!  And Jen insists i'm going to Utah, period. End of story.  So that may happen too.  And.......My grandson will be making his appearance in July.  

Life is good.  And calm. 

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