Still Thankful after all these years.......

That song keeps playing in my head , was it Paul Simon or James Taylor who sang it first?  "Still crazy after all these years"- too lazy to look it up and find out at this moment.  It's along the lines of Adele's song "Hello".  I love Adele.  I can't tell you that enough.  I don't care that "they" overplay her- her voice just.........fills me.  She makes me feel.  That's about all i require out of any music really.  Make me feel something.

And also along those lines- why do people do this to themselves?  Paul, James, Adele- why are we still lamenting on past lovers?  Can't we just let that shit go?  I mean really, if it were so wonderful why did we let it end?  Because it wasn't that good, that's why.  Retrospect makes people rosier than they were.  My opinion.  

That includes family.  (is it me or am i very choppy this morning?)  There are times, like the H.O.L.I.D.A.Y.S.........that without fail,will have me missing family I never really had.  Well, I did for a while but that was almost worse than the non family i had previously.  I get it.  I know there is no such thing as that Norman Rockwell picture, but I always wanted it. Even if it's make pretend.  Well.  not really.  

ANYWAYS-  The holidays have been improving for me every year, just like wine.  Slowly.  I no longer hold my breath waiting for someone to get punched or have someone leave the room in a huff until someone ELSE (pick that years person insert here) has to go kiss some ass before we can eat a family dinner.  But the table was ALWAYS just BEAUTIFUL.  

This is how i felt about Thanksgiving dinner then:

(Matter of fact, i probably love horror so much due to the fact that it feels a LOT like my childhood and married life.  But i digress.)

This year:

and i mean that in a totally good way.  The only thing missing for me was my children (who are no longer children) but they will make it up to me at Christmas because i'm demanding like that.  

When i opened this page to begin a blog this morning i was going to write about what i'm grateful for- because you know, all the kids are doing it now.  I ran off track immediately, per usual.  However, now i'm reviewing the disjointed blog above I see that at least one thing i'm grateful for is in fact documented here. 

Let the holidays begin.  

I make you sick. Too.

A good way to put me in a bitchy mood is to tell me how I made you sick with a cold. Every time you see me. Even if it was five minutes ago.

You know who made me sick? Someone. I don't know who. I'm positive now they did it on purpose to ruin my fun. I wish I could give them death stares so acute they could read my mind. Just like you have been giving me.

Everyone gets sick. It was your turn. Don't tell me I made you sick again or i will make sure there is never a chance of that happening "because of me" again.

Now go blow your nose and then pass me the cough drops.

It's you not everyone else

but seriously, why?

I've done this before and although i'm a big believer in never looking back i find myself once again considering blogging.  What does that say about me that every year or so I write a blithe blog and then move along to forgetting about it?  Honestly there was a time when i might post twice a day.  I actually have some of that old blog printed out somewhere.......i should probably find it. 

So here's the thing.  Blogs + Me = memememememeME!  I start out with the best of intentions- i'm (see?) going to comment on world events (Ha!), social injustices, or expand on a single thought....i'm quite good at that one actually.  I can make a single thought into a whole argument.  Just ask anyone who has ever lived with me.  The point here is that it feels pretty narcissistic to write daily for a blog that people might read about what's going on in my head at the moment.  Really.  Who the fuck cares?  Much of the time, i don't even care.  Just that statement alone sounds like "oh, please.  pay attention to me and my thoughts and make me significant".  Because if i'm (doing it again) to be honest, that's what i'm thinking when i'm reading other blogs about 90% of the time.  It's all very well written and grammatically correct and cohesive- and i don't give a shit.

I have a filthy mouth.  I notice that occasionally and I think I should probably curb it.  Ah, fuck it.  

Sigh.  I also say things that make people close to me angry.  Because basically i have a habit of talking shit when i'm talking to myself which is what i'm doing when i'm blogging.  I'm sure i've made people not close to me angry too but i don't care about them.  There.  I said it and i stand behind it till proven wrong.  If i don't know you, I don't care if i make you angry.  Maybe i annoy you or you don't care for my views or how i might communicate them, but I shouldn't have the capability of making you ANGRY....you need to get a life.  However my family....my friends.....my loved ones- I don't wish to anger or hurt you.  I really don't.  There have been occasions where i have done that previously.  I can be an angry blogger.  I am also a sappy, happy, bewildered, sassy, new agey, downright dirty blogger.  I'm not sure what category to be placed in.  I like that.  Fuck labels.  

Definitely adult content.  Sorry kiddies. This ain't no Disney Channel. 

Oh yeah, i forgot.  I'm snide.  

Sarcastic.

Drama - for pussies anyhow.

Inappropriate?  Not purposely.  I don't think I.S.I.S is appropriate either........so the parameters are pretty vague here. 

If i were getting paid to do this I would make sure to keep it nice an neat and with a point.  Since this is basically for MEMEMEMEMEME and anyone interested in the ravings of a 47 year old white woman in Connecticut, I don't have to be neat and clean.  There's your warning, albeit a gentle one.  Let's see where this takes me.  Us?  Me.