that kind of woman

 i love it when a man tells me what kind of woman i am.

Like he's trying to convince me.

My ex husband didn't speak to me for a week when i got my first tattoo.  He said i wasn't that kind of woman.  Seems like a stupid thing to say when i have a brand new tattoo on my body.  It seems that i very much am that kind of woman. duh.

I purposely baited him by coming home 2 weeks later with a fake nose ring.  When he saw me his face turned stormy "take it out".........I laughed so hard i just about peed my pants, as i showed him it wasn't a real piercing.

But the message was clear.  He thought he could tell me what i was going to do with my own body.  And not only that, but that he had a RIGHT.  Foolish man.

Others have tried as well.......the guy who on our first date told me he would pay to have my hair dyed......when my grey/white hair was my crowning glory.  I LOVE MY HAIR and this man had the nerve to not only comment, but suggest a solution so that i would be more palatable to him.  For christ sake.  The stupidity.

Incidentally, since i started hormone replacement therapy my hair is turning colors again and getting darker.  The white is almost gone.  I'm sad.  But it's my natural hair and i'm sticking with it. My body knows what it's supposed to do.  I'm not letting some marketing executive tell me i have to color what is mine just to make other people think i'm younger. As if younger is better?  Perhaps in some ways, but not all.  Not the ways i care about at this point in my life.

Back to the stupid people.

Every man has had an opinion on something to do with my body and not in a flattering "i love this about you" way.  But it's not only my body, but my thoughts, my feelings.......that some have tried to tell me about.

because they are so smart and i am so not in tune with my own thoughts and feelings.........okay.

Says the single men who aren't aging gracefully and desperately trying to stay young.....because i'm taking advice from YOU? 

Bill was always after me to lose wieght and to tone up.  Our walks were never together.  It was him telling me to hurry up and get my heart rate up so i would burn calories........what fun.  AND he would tell me i wasn't the kind of woman that wanted to be treated well.  

I should have ran the first time he said that........oh wait, i did.  Apparently he thought i also wanted a stalker who couldn't stand anything about me.  Which is what he was.

Today is his court date......again.   I'm waiting to see what plea is entered on the judicial website.  I already know.  My only interest is to keep this protective order in place.  Forever if possible.  I want this man to never have legal access to me again and if he ever talks to me or comes near me in any way i want him to go to jail.  Stay away from me.  It's not hard.  But i know he won't unless he has something to lose.

When i see the light, it shines brightly.  You don't get to hurt my dog, or me.  You don't get to put us in a situation where we are in fear from YOU.  Never again will i ever speak to that man, or look in his face or acknowledge him in any way.  Dead to me.  

And yes, i'm afraid of him.  As i should be.

He told me i'm not the kind of woman that likes flowers, or having my hand held.  He said i wasn't the kind of woman that wanted to hear "i love you".....and guess what....... From him, i didn't.  

From many men i've gone on dates with, I didn't.  I didn't want fake contact or to be used.

I want real.

And Tom is giving me that every single day.  When we can't see each other he calls me consistantly and we never want to get off the phone.  Minimum 3 times a day.  I look forward to his calls and i know he does too.  

When we are together, he always takes my hand.  If we are walking, or in the car, he always reaches for my hand and holds it.  Always. He opens doors for me, always.  Even the car door.  I never touch a handle when i'm with him.  Consistantly.  Every Single Time. It's not an act. He takes care of me, he is always aware of where i am.

When we thrift i wander and yet he always knows where i am. 

I am the kind of woman that wants and has a real traditional man.  A hard working, committed man.  

THAT is the kind of woman i am, and it's no wonder i haven't found a man like that before reconnecting with him.  because he never tells me what kind of woman i am, or how i feel or what i want.  He just naturally gives me everything i need and lets me be myself.  Always.