Skip to main content

but seriously, why?

I've done this before and although i'm a big believer in never looking back i find myself once again considering blogging.  What does that say about me that every year or so I write a blithe blog and then move along to forgetting about it?  Honestly there was a time when i might post twice a day.  I actually have some of that old blog printed out somewhere.......i should probably find it. 

 So here's the thing.  Blogs + Me = memememememeME!  I start out with the best of intentions- i'm (see?) going to comment on world events (Ha!), social injustices, or expand on a single thought....i'm quite good at that one actually.  I can make a single thought into a whole argument.  Just ask anyone who has ever lived with me.  The point here is that it feels pretty narcissistic to write daily for a blog that people might read about what's going on in my head at the moment.  Really.  Who the fuck cares?  Much of the time, i don't even care.  Just that statement alone sounds like "oh, please.  pay attention to me and my thoughts and make me significant".  Because if i'm (doing it again) to be honest, that's what i'm thinking when i'm reading other blogs about 90% of the time.  It's all very well written and grammatically correct and cohesive- and i don't give a shit.

 I have a filthy mouth.  I notice that occasionally and I think I should probably curb it.  Ah, fuck it.  

 Sigh.  I also say things that make people close to me angry.  Because basically i have a habit of talking shit when i'm talking to myself which is what i'm doing when i'm blogging.  I'm sure i've made people not close to me angry too but i don't care about them.  There.  I said it and i stand behind it till proven wrong.  If i don't know you, I don't care if i make you angry.  Maybe i annoy you or you don't care for my views or how i might communicate them, but I shouldn't have the capability of making you ANGRY....you need to get a life.  However my family....my friends.....my loved ones- I don't wish to anger or hurt you.  I really don't.  There have been occasions where i have done that previously.  I can be an angry blogger.  I am also a sappy, happy, bewildered, sassy, new agey, downright dirty blogger.  I'm not sure what category to be placed in.  I like that.  Fuck labels.  

 Definitely adult content.  Sorry kiddies. This ain't no Disney Channel. 

 Oh yeah, i forgot.  I'm snide.  

 Sarcastic.

 Drama - for pussies anyhow.

 Inappropriate?  Not purposely.  I don't think I.S.I.S is appropriate either........so the parameters are pretty vague here. 

 If i were getting paid to do this I would make sure to keep it nice an neat and with a point.  Since this is basically for MEMEMEMEMEME and anyone interested in the ravings of a 47 year old white woman in Connecticut, I don't have to be neat and clean.  There's your warning, albeit a gentle one.  Let's see where this takes me.  Us?  Me.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »