I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can.

Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me. 

So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.  

I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back:

This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment.

Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels and a great life!” feels more like a curtain drop than a sincere farewell.

Your reply—“class act.”—delivers a quiet but potent dose of irony, signaling both disappointment and restraint. It’s a dignified response that doesn’t escalate but also doesn’t pretend this was okay.

If you’re feeling hurt, blindsided, or confused, that makes complete sense. This kind of interaction can leave you questioning everything. But here’s the truth: expressing care, wanting reassurance, and hoping for acknowledgment don’t make you “doomsday” or negative. They make you human.

Now i feel completely validated.  Mr. Cigar had a habit of purposely trying to piss me off and upset me, then acting like i was overthinking the fucked up shit he said to me.  I was made to feel as if i had no sense of humor, or that i took everything too seriously.  Yet he could never answer a direct question. I should have nicknamed him Mr. Avoider. 

He is extremely wrapped up in his money and the making of it.....which is fine, as long as he didn't think that made him better than everyone else, but he did.  Here's the thing.  Money comes and goes.  Money can be worth absolutely nothing in life altering situations.  We don't know when our time on earth ends, and instead of valuing relationship and people, he values $$$.  I think he uses money as a form of control and when i repeatedly told him i was not impressed by it....he felt like he had no control over me.  I will never again be beholden financially to any man- even if, ESPECIALLY if, i love him.  

Money can buy a big beautiful house, and that house is an empty shell where you only use 3 rooms and doesn't feel like home. Where you don't invite loved ones, because you don't have any.  A home is the person or people that live in it, that visit you there, not the structure of the building.  He's so smart, but yet so dumb.

Money can give you the ability to buy multiple motorcycles, snowmobiles and assorted vehicles "to share with my friends who can't afford them"......yet they have been sitting there unused, by anybody with layers upon layers of dust on them.  You have all the toys, but not the friends.  Because friends don't care what you own, they care how you treat them, how you value you them.  You can't buy friends.

Money can give you the illusion of self respect, but when the woman you are dating happily picks up dinner and brings it to your house (at your request) on MULTIPLE occasions, and you ask "do you need money?" when she arrives.......You are a cheapskate, and you know damn well she won't say she "needs" money from you.  Any self respecting man would make sure he looked at the receipt and put the cash into her purse if she wont take it, without asking.  Thousands of dollars in cash lying around the house but didn't want to pay for a pizza.  

I'm releasing the toxins.  I'm acknowledging the red flags i ignored so that he could be the man i wanted.  Honestly, now that i'm in sour grape mode, i'm seeing he is more damaged than anything else. The fact that he refuses to take accountability for any of his words or actions, and has NOTHING nice to say about any of the women in his past...but he "loved" them.  In retrospect, i'm glad he didn't love me.  I'm not sure i would have survived it.

I can be grateful that it didn't go any further, that his inability to get it up kept us from having actual sex. Never an issue for me, but always an issue for him.  He talked about sex as if he was the only one participating in it......"the woman needs to cum first" so he could call himself a man, but "she" didn't need to be treated with any kind of affection.  Thinking he's so alpha and yet missing half of the equation. Once we talked about choking, and i told him i liked my brain cells and that wasn't something i wanted to do.  You would think me saying that would be understood as a boundary, yet one night while playing, he choked me out. I was completely and utterly torn on how i felt about it.  He had done something to me, by force, that i had told him i didn't want. It doesn't matter that i experienced something i never have before, it doesn't matter if i liked it or hated it.  I told him i didn't want it. I am grateful that he forced me to see what he is, "because of the way he was raised".  He told me he had no feelings.  Why didn't I listen and run?  

 THAT IS my problem.  Not being negative, not overthinking, not wanting affection.  My problem is seeing men through rose colored glasses and picking and choosing, or interpreting behavior that upsets me as "the way men act".  

He really was a lesson for me.  And fortunately it has helped me to really look at my previous relationships where i got attached and let down.  I am the one picking these men.  I own that.  I also need to realize that they take up too much room in my head because i feel like i need to prove my value.  In a healthy relationship, i should be able to concentrate on my life as well and not HAVE to interpret the word games and fucked up behavior of these boys.

I will learn.  Each time i grow stronger, and happier that i have made a life for myself that has peace as it's foundation.  I choose me.  Because I pick the kind of men that never will. I protect myself, because i pick the kind of men i need protection from.