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The difference

 Mr. Tattoo was an avoidant.  His intention was not to hurt me, it was to survive.  His only way to survive the connection was to shut down.  He had his traumas......he never set out to hurt me.

Mr. Cigar is a narcissist.  His intention was to hurt me, manipulate me, to do something negative to me.  The proof of this (as ONE example) is his timing and method of breaking it off with me.  A normal caring man would not have sent me a message via facebook while i was driving to New York to see my daughter and granddaughter.  A normal, adult male, would have waited until i returned, and let me enjoy my time with family.  And a normal adult male would not have broken up with me via messenger, saying what he did.  His INTENTION was to inflict pain and have me focus on him while i was away.

That is classic narcissism.  Good thing i've already lived through it and managed to heal from one.  He could not have been any MORE like "that guy".  They are pretty easy to identify once you allow yourself to.  

He pulled his trigger way too soon and i'd like to think he would never have been able to keep me because 3 months was my limit.  I said it in a blog, and i had it in my head.  At the anniversary of 3 months i would require an honest conversation with real answers from him.  No games, no avoidance.  And if he couldnt do that, which now i know he was never going to, then it would have to end.

So I am, in fact, learning.  I am, in fact, protecting myself from the douchebags.

Mr. Tattoo wrecked me because i wanted so badly for it to work out with him.  I can't run fast enough away from Mr. Cigar.

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