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dreams and reality

 last night i had a dream that Mr. Cigar was back in my life, and he had hair.

I kept looking at him, wondering what was different?  And then it occurred to me, the man has hair.  

No we weren't together, but he thought we were.  I felt disinterest.  And curious about what had changed.

What a weird dream.

Been thinking about Mr. Tatoo and how we met, our short interaction, the ongoing affection that went one way.......I may be in the same situation again, depending.

Meeting Mr.A tonight.  We've been talking for a couple of weeks, and we used to talk a lot more years ago, during the pandemic.  I "met" a lot of people on line then, like a lot of other people did.  We were supposed to meet, but never did.  I think i thought he was married.  Or I had someone i was seeing, it could have been anything  But he wasn't blocked.

He found me on Tik Tok, probably by accident? I'm not sure, but it's also not the first time this has happened.  He was hell bent on meeting me.  I told him i wasn't dating, he said fine, can we be friends? And i liked his persistence that does not feel like pushy.

Yet.

So tonight we meet up and i doubt it will end "friendly".  Lets see if the chemistry is real or not.  Again i think about Mr. Tattoo and the crazy sparks i felt as soon as i saw him.  I wish every date could be like that, then it would be easier to control myself.  But when those sparks hit, and i'm not talking butterflys i'm talking SPARKS.........i'm not passing that up.

For a long time i felt like i handled Mr. Tattoo the wrong way but i was being myself.  Always am.  I wasn't being strategic, there was no plan or goal.  I just enjoyed being with him and i let myself enjoy him.  I feel like that went against me in his eyes......like a quality woman wouldn't follow her wants and needs without withholding for an appropriate amount of time.  

Didn't work out with him, and that was his loss.  I'm a lot more than good sex.  But i did enjoy it.  Not regretting it.  I've done that one other time and it was good.  I didnt' like the man once i got to know him but the fire, the intensity......that was worth it.  I'm a grown woman with grown woman needs and i don't want to settle for a life partner just because i want sex sometimes.

I want the whole package.  I want Whole Foods, but sometimes i have to pick up a snack at the gas station..........to hold me over.

I hope this man turns out to be the whole package.  If not, no harm no foul.  




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