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My Karma

I believe in Karma.  What you put in to this life will come back to you, eventually.  The choices you make, the paths you choose, the people you love or hurt - it will always circle around. 

We don't see it when we are in it.  Or, we see it and don't care. We don't always think about how actions that feel wonderful in that moment will stay with us a lifetime, and may be a lot less than wonderful.  May in fact change your life from good to a living hell. 

Or maybe your life IS a living hell and you don't see it until it smacks you in the face so hard you can't ignore it any more.  And maybe that painful smack is the best thing that could have ever happened to you.  Karma is not a punishment.  Karma is what you are coming right back at you.

No one is perfect.  Everyone has done something they wish they hadn't, or hurt someone they wish they hadn't.  Everyone has regret of some kind, large or small. Karma is there to re-direct you so you don't make those choices again, so you can correct your path, make amends, to teach you to be a better person and therefor have a better life.

I haven't learned yet how to let go of bitterness.  I try.  I redirect myself.  But i still feel it in moments that catch me off guard, triggered by memories.  I should (and most times now DO) dismiss the bitterness and move along, turn my back, pretend not to see until i don't anymore.........but now i see that whether or not I acknowledge my pain and/or bitterness it is still there, residing in my being - taking up valuable space. 

Letting go of someone is not real.  Those who have hurt me, altered my life, the vision of how i saw myself..they will always be there in my being. 

Just like those who have loved me well, protected me, sheltered and cried with me will always be there, in my being. 

Not negative, or positive.  They just are. 

Moving on is misleading because it doesn't mean that i have left anyone behind.  Because even as I grow and experience and love deeper each day I realize this day is here because of the days that proceeded it........that the love I give now grew out of the love I gave before. 

My Karma. 


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