Skip to main content

i wore white shorts


 was just thinking that although i have a little ways to go still before i am back to my "comfortable" wieght and size, i'm feeling pretty damn good in my skin again.  About time.

Even when asshole would make comments (about all women all the time) it wouldn't bother me aside from the audacity.  I feel good about myself, how i look, where i'm headed and how i FEEL.  Yesterday i did a yoga pose that is relatively easy and i used to do it all the time because it feel amazing.  For years i couldn't do it because my knees wouldn't tolerate it and i had a hard time getting back up.

Not anymore.  Yes, i creak, but i can DO IT again.  And it feels sooooo good.

I went to see MM's band play Saturday night with Cindy and I didn't feel shy to be seen. AND i wore white shorts....me.  on purpose.  White shows all the sins of a womans body.  I felt cute.  Thats my first sign with getting there.......dressing is so much easier.  Shoes, not so much.  I have been wearing heals but very tentatively because i walk like a trucker in heels.  Not really.  I just fall and break bones.

But not this summer.  I've been wearing platforms and sandals with a little heal and managing to NOT fall.  It' the strength in my legs and ankles that i've been working on, and the wieght loss helps.  And the confidence.  It's all about thinking you can, and then you actually do. 

In other words, patting self on back, i'm feeling awesome.

Do i have the body of a 20 year old? Hell no. That time is over.  Let the youngsters live their glory days.  I'm secure and don't need anyones attention but my man.....which i don't have, so even better.  They have a way of lifting you up, or taking you down a few pegs and i don't need either.

Speaking of.  Talking to two men is interesting.  Both are aware i'm not into sleeping with them yet and i'm taking things very slow.  One or both will lose interest and that will be fine.  Better to know.  OR one or both will actually like my company and getting to know me (more importantly me getting to know THEM).........and that will be glorious.  Or not.  There are a lot of men out there, and as i'm feeling better (i.e. slimmer) they are taking interest.  Fuck em.  I was the same wonderful woman i am now last year and the year before.  I know thats not a popular opinion, law of attraction and all that, but lets be honest, they are aging also and that hasn't deterred me from dating them.  

No more wounded men who haven't done the work to heal, or at least understand themselves.  I'm not a replacement for mommy trauma.  I have my own and manage not to torture them with it.

Little bit heated.  hmmm.  But L and MM have been treating me very well.  Its early.  Theres no competition, or camparision, i'm just living my life the way that feels right and good to me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Probably wierd and maybe alterier motives

 Me being in daily contact with Mary is probably weird.  I've asked myself multiple times, "why"?  At first the only thing we had in common was Mr. Cigar, and you know what they say "keep your friends close and your enemies closer"  Is that what this is?  I don't want him.  She doesn't want him - won't go into what i know, but i know she is not available to him even though she lives there still.  Not my business to share, but the situation isn't good for either one but he asked for it.   She reaches out more than i do, but i engage with her daily, as i said.  We vent, we talk about future plans, things we want to do, and pretty much support each other.  She is more prim and reserved until she gets mad.  She's a tiny little thing and she is just as confused about her attraction to Mr. Cigar as i am.  I call him the devil.  He turns on the charm and you don't see all the bullshit he's feeding you. I do feel like it's be...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Temu problem

 I know this is a bad way to shop, and i have fallen into the trap of "ooooh i want that and it's SO cheap".  Kinda like Walmart used to be.   I have been on a no shopping or impulse buying mission and most of the time I am able to control myself.  I go a little wild at the thrift stores though, sometimes spending a whopping $30 which to me, is excessive without purpose. Ha. That couch was a steal.  Best thing i ever purchased, aside from the $50 solid wood entertainment wall.  It has so much storage and shelving and fits my television perfectly.  Those things used to be thousands and i paid $50.  Score.   Anyways, i use my desk constantly and it's very crowded.  It also fits in the corner perfectly and anything else would be too large.  I've tried to figure out how to get more space and i've come to the conclusion that my monitor needs to be off the desk.  Enter temu.  $15 and now i will have added shelf space a...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »