They say you are supposed to run, that is your body having a nervous reaction to trauma.
Sometimes i think this stuff is such bullshit. But then again........
When i first layed eyes on D's (my ex bf of 13 years) picture, I got the pitter pats. I immediately wanted to meet him. It took off from there. It ahd it's ups and downs, and then it ended. Badly. But now, I'm fine. I grew from it.
Yesterday, i'm swiping on through the dating site and a picture comes up......I felt the pitter pats. Which, is a very nice feeling - hello pitter pats. Nice to see you again. I sure didn't get that feeling when i first meet Mr. Cigar LOL. I grew into my stupidity with him.
This man, who matched with me (yeehaw!) reminds me of Mr. Tattoo. That can be good, or that can be bad. He has the same demeanor in his pictures. Relaxed, nice easy smile, sparkly eyes.....extremely no question about it masculinity.....just. sigh. Yeah. So i hope we connect. If not, i can live my fantasy life because he went straight into what the men call a "spank bank".
That was crude. And accurate. Not sorry.
Moving right along - i've been continuously cleaning out my home and I think it may be at a comfortable place for me now. Easy to take care of and keep clean, not so much stuff. Puppy pee is easy to spot. Koda and i are still working on the potty. Still.
Yesterday i took a break during lunch and went to see my sweet Henry and his parents, otherwise known as my son and DIL. Lets be honest. I wanted my hands on that baby, and to cuddle him up, which i did for a few hours. It was nice to spend time with the kids, the new parents, and i sympathize with their lack of sleep, and mini break downs. I told them the things you tell new parents. It's hard. It's not easy. You will lose your mind and you will get very angry sometimes. Put Henry in the crib, where he is safe and sound, and walk away for a nice break. Go change the laundry, go sit outside on the porch. Go run around the yard a few laps......just take a few minutes to reset yourself. Babies cry a lot and our nerves sometimes need a reset.
I asked them, "why do you think there is shaken baby syndrome?" Because people snap. Having a newborn is the hardest thing on earth and you have no control over this little tyrant who keeps you up at all hours, constantly changes his preferences, and seems to enjoy keeping you in the dark over what he wants.
I told them infants break us. Then we rebuild ourselves as parents. It's all part of the transformation. Don't fight it. It's nature. And honestly, they are doing so good at it! I'm proud of these kids. They are handling this new life and still smiling. And crying. And not sleeping......like people have been doing since the begining of time. They got this.
Also, I decided i'm going to harrass my daughter to come see me. I'm starting the campaign today. I want her and my granddaughter to come spend the day and night. Or the whole weekend. I want them to come to grandma's house. Period.
No more of this nonsense.
I, am also, a PARENT. So there.
L might come over tonight. We have a date set for Thursday. I think he's getting it that i'm not available at the last minute.
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