Walking Barefoot in Snow

My problem is my inability to ignore double standards.   Or inconsistencies. Call me pragmatic. Or surly. It doesn’t matter what label is placed on it, the fact remains that I am unable to NOT address unrealistic expectations, or standards that are not held up for all involved to meet. This feeling applies to the workplace, religious organizations, private memberships to clubs or groups, and on a much more intimate level, personal relationships. Everyone should be meeting on a level playing field, where the rules apply to all.   Rules change, and when they do…………they should apply to all.   Rules to me being a standard of behavior. “you are not going to win this battle by fighting it”……….TED Sincerely X podcast, episode 7: mood changer – I highly recommend listening to this episode if you currently or have ever struggled with Depression, which I have and sometimes still do if not dealt with. Sometimes I think my depression is a reaction to th...

My apartment is very small.   When my friends and family moved me in September I had no room to walk.   We piled everything I had been dragging around with me since I was 16, along with everything I felt I needed into this small, one-bedroom apartment.   I left a lot behind.   I had cleared out so much before I had even moved.   More than once. My first “cleanse” began when I moved out of the small house I loved so much.   I threw a lot away, I left all the furniture and half the kitchen items…I tried to be fair.   And realistic.   Of course, I got fucked.   He moved in with his new girl not a month after I moved out and everything got thrown away with the acceptation of the one thing I said I wanted, which migrated it’s way over to the new woman’s home. But it was okay.   For a year I didn’t need anything, having all the necessities and small luxuries provided by my best friend and her family as I licked my wounds, healed my...

Your best friend passed yesterday and I’m going to blame the pain you are in for the phone call and texts I got from you this morning. But I never expected to feel that feeling in my gut again.   That angry man, blaming me for some misfortune in his life feeling.   “Someone” didn’t clean out your dresser drawers, I did.   I cleaned your whole house, with your blessing, hell AT YOUR REQUEST if you want to be honest.   I only did what you gave me license to do and I asked for your participation which you wanted nothing to do with.   So now, every time you can’t find something apparently it will be my fault. Rethink that.   Seriously.   Because right now while I feel for the pain you are in the middle of, I am enraged and hurt that you would speak to me like that.   I feel sick to my stomach and I’d rather do anything than go home tonight. I feel like crying and I don’t know if it’s because I’m hurt or because you are showing yourself t...