Walking Barefoot in Snow

Is there a reason I should keep anyone I don't like, or even dislike in my life?  Can someone answer that for me?  One good reason is all i'm looking for because this seems to be a flaw of mine- this not associating with people I don't like (and who don't like me)  Yes, i'm an adult, yes, i am socially mature and can be in a room with someone I don't care for and not feel like i need to give them the short list of why they are distasteful to me, EVEN when alcohol may be involved.  I'm not a complete mutant.  Even if i did like you at one point and now no longer do. It takes a lot for me to give up on someone.  Maybe it's because i'm flawed, and because i don't want to be abandoned because i'm not perfect. I have a really high tolerance for flawed individuals (translation "everyone")    "Perfect" people do not exist.  People who think they are perfect are the ones that I end up cutting loose - they make me uncomfortable...

The other day I found myself in yet another conversation about why I did not enjoy the first two 50 Shades of Grey books.  This old and tired topic keeps coming up even now, and  people seem so mystified that I thought the books were utter shit.  Utter.  Shit. (Just in case i need to make my opinion any clearer.)  I think the majority of people are aware of what the stories are about even if they haven't suffered through reading them.  And i did try.  I read the first one and thought "okay, that was really bad" and then i reasoned with myself "but everyone loves this, maybe i should try the second book" which i did, and that's when i said "this is the reason you hate reading books everyone else loves" because then i feel like the odd man out, hating what everyone loves. What is wrong with me?  Why don't i like this?  It just brings up all my insecurities.........no.....really.  Please insert a dramatic eye roll here.  I could c...

I am looking for a pat on the back, a medal, or even just a nod and a wink thrown into my direction because i DID NOT use my blog to vent my fury.  I didn't do it.  I'm so proud of me.  There, i will give myself all the congratulations. Journals I wrote in Jr. High live in my storage area.. I still have many of the notes that used to be passed in the hallway, although i don't think I can actually unfold any without them falling apart.  I sometimes ponder trashing them.  I mean really, why am i holding on to this stuff? I'm not a hoarder- i'm actually a huge "throw it away" girl and i purge my closets and drawers at least once a year so WHY does the idea of throwing these things away give me hives? Because it is documentation of my history, basically.  So much has been lost or destroyed over my lifetime of moving around but THIS box has never been defiled. I have since added journals i kept in my adult life that i would pour my heart into.  That cam...

The struggle is real.  Every time i sit down with a book I get the strongest cravings to light up a cigarette- stronger than when i'm drinking, or driving although never those two at the same time.  I can't remember a time i didn't read. It was my great grandfather who started my love of books by walking me down to the 5 and dime store by his home in East Hampton MA when i was a little bit of a kid.  He'd get his morning paper and I would get to pick out a golden book.  Then we would walk back to his house and we would sit in grandpa's big chair and he would read the book to me. (He also always kept a huge bag of M&M's in the pantry, low enough for me to sneak in and reach them.)  He was always gentle with me, never yelled or made me feel like i was in trouble - although the rest of the family did seem to tip toe around him.  He wasn't a big man, but he had a big presence and I loved him because i knew I could do no wrong in his eyes. ...

I have wireless internet as of today. Let me briefly explain why this is worth saying.  We had been without cable or internet at home for about 3 years.  What i did have for a while was unlimited data through verizon which i took full advantage of by streaming netflix over my cell phone and mirroring it to the television.  For a bit.  Seems i wasn't the only one doing that and Verizon wised up and made it virtually impossible.  But that is a different story, the one of cell phones and their contribution to the decline of intimacy and subtle nuances... Back to the cable.  Even after i was no longer able to mirror movies onto the television we were fine living without television.  More than fine.  I read a lot of books.  Shit got done.  We went out a lot.  Life happened.  I missed the morning news and the weather which i just got off the radio.  No biggie.   Then my son moved back home.  He said there...

Today someone referred to me as the "social glue" that kept people together. I wanted to tell that person I can't even arrange a soup night with my friends, let alone be considered social glue. That's all.  Just wanted to remember someone else's perception of me.  MEMEmememememe.  told you.

A small part of me wants to apologize ahead of time to anyone who might actually read this.  I'm trying to make this a habit, this blogging thing, so that eventually I will "get used" to it and maybe even have something worth saying other than rambling.  Or not.  This morning while i was driving in to work on my pleasant commute(mostly scenic back roads and no highways yay!) I was thinking.  Seems i do a lot of "free" thinking Monday-Friday 7am-7:30am.  Maybe because i'm not sullied from the day yet having had little contact with humans.  Pretty much it's me and the kitties in the morning and they are always very happy to see me get out of bed so they can try and kill me as i go down the stairs to feed them.  The most I get out of the man if he is still home is "Good morning, i love you, see you tonight"......and that's the long version.   He's either still in bed trying to sleep (not if i'm up buddy) or he has already left for th...

T hat song keeps playing in my head , was it Paul Simon or James Taylor who sang it first?  "Still crazy after all these years"- too lazy to look it up and find out at this moment.  It's along the lines of Adele's song "Hello".  I love Adele.  I can't tell you that enough.  I don't care that "they" overplay her- her voice just.........fills me.  She makes me feel.  That's about all i require out of any music really.  Make me feel something. And also along those lines- why do people do this to themselves?  Paul, James, Adele- why are we still lamenting on past lovers?  Can't we just let that shit go?  I mean really, if it were so wonderful why did we let it end?  Because it wasn't that good, that's why.  Retrospect makes people rosier than they were.  My opinion.   That includes family.  (is it me or am i very choppy this morning?)  There are times, like the H.O.L.I.D.A.Y.S.........that without fail,...

A good way to put me in a bitchy mood is to tell me how I made you sick with a cold. Every time you see me. Even if it was five minutes ago. You know who made me sick? Someone. I don't know who. I'm positive now they did it on purpose to ruin my fun. I wish I could give them death stares so acute they could read my mind. Just like you have been giving me. Everyone gets sick. It was your turn. Don't tell me I made you sick again or i will make sure there is never a chance of that happening "because of me" again. Now go blow your nose and then pass me the cough drops.

I 've done this before and although i'm a big believer in never looking back i find myself once again considering blogging.  What does that say about me that every year or so I write a blithe blog and then move along to forgetting about it?  Honestly there was a time when i might post twice a day.  I actually have some of that old blog printed out somewhere.......i should probably find it.  S o here's the thing.  Blogs + Me = memememememeME!  I start out with the best of intentions- i'm (see?) going to comment on world events (Ha!), social injustices, or expand on a single thought....i'm quite good at that one actually.  I can make a single thought into a whole argument.  Just ask anyone who has ever lived with me.  The point here is that it feels pretty narcissistic to write daily for a blog that people might read about what's going on in my head at the moment.  Really.  Who the fuck cares?  Much of the time, i don't even ca...