Walking Barefoot in Snow

....it feels AMAZING to be gently kissed on the forehead during an embrace that happens just because....... This is what it feels like?  Not overbearing and all consuming - just fits perfectly into my life, wraps around it and keeps it warm and safe.  It's the coat in my winter, the cool breeze on a summer day.....compliments whats already there and makes it that much better because it is. This is love? It's about goddamned time. 

The alarm goes off and I quick sit up and turn it off hoping that it hasn't taken him out of a deep sleep.  I throw my legs over the side of the bed and begin to stretch so i'm not tempted to move over instead, and curl up next to him.  I'm starting to come awake, fully - good.  Stand up, look over at him - feel grateful that he comes to bed so quietly at night that I barely wake up - so nice to be considered, and taken care of in that way.  Our shifts are different, our sleep schedules have potential to be a problem without the proper regard for each other.  It's there, that regard.  And it's nice. On my way to work in the morning I see two small dogs with wheeled carriages as their back legs being walked up the street either by a woman or a man.  I'm assuming they are a couple, the people.  That or there is an abundance of dogs without the use of their back legs...........  They a running with their little tongues out and ears flying back...

I purchased a ring for myself. This is what is engraved on it: "If I have harmed anyone in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions, I ask their forgiveness. If anyone has harmed me in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions, I forgive them. And if there is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive, I forgive myself for that. For all the ways that I harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself, judge or be unkind to myself through my own confusions, I forgive myself." I do. So should you.

This weekend has been filled with dust, sweat, heat, work, laughter, "breaks", seriousness, shopping, laundry, and general "where do we start?" ..... It hit me in the middle of moving furniture and not even bothering to wipe the sweat pouring off me....i fucking love it all, and everybody. I can't look at that smile, those blue eyes...and feel anything but...free. odd word to use right?  We have been working together on the hottest most humid day and at times literally just laying on the floor trying to cool off and not ONE cranky word or vibe has passed.  That's new. For me. I'm not holding my breath, being pulled down with negativity or having to leave the area due to filthy looks being thrown my way. He is happy to consider and implement every damn thing I've suggested without an ounce of frustration or having to make me feel like I'm asking for the moon to shoot out his ass for my entertainment. I'm not used to this.  I also know that ...

I'm moving in with Mike in less than a week.  Changing my address and my life, again. Fast.  yes. Why?  Because i'm pregnant. No, because I WANT to, because there is no reason NOT to (and i have dug deep to find just one reason). Am i giving up a dream of owning my own home?  No.  I am moving in with the man i want to be with into his home, yes.  Is it possible that it won't work?  yes.  Anything is possible - I know that first hand.   I know how to move like a champ now. Does that scare me?  Hell no. What scared me was wondering if I would ever want to share my life with someone again.  What scared me was wondering if a part of me had died out of disappointment and disillusionment .  What scared me was thinking i would never trust again, never feel that feeling of longing to be with that one man, and the happiness that fills me when I am.  What scared me was the idea of living alone with a bunch of animals actuall...

Last night i had one of my dreams - where i know it's a dream, and i'm participating in it. He was in it, and I wasn't mad, or sad, or even disturbed - just completely adamant that he not continue to pop up in my life anymore.  I got to say what i wanted, what was true to me if not him and finally to be set free from any kind of caring.  Hopefully he got the message.   I have no desire to be included in the list of ex girlfriends and safety net checks that get called on rotation.  I do not want pictures of what is going on in his life any more than i want to share what is going on in my life with him.  It's none of his business.   My happiness gets shared with my loved ones - and this blog.  A little.  He  is my past and i am looking toward my future. I did domestic things this weekend.  Started to find my place in MM's home, soon to be my home as well.  From the moment i walked in the door I loved the feel of the house, reminde...