Walking Barefoot in Snow

I tried to write a blog entry about all the bullshit that has been going on since your death Heather.  First i lost internet connection and it didn't save. Then, i hit the wrong key and everything disappeared and i couldn't get it back. I get it.  I'm listening.  I'm letting it go.  Thank you. Sometimes i hold on too long and too tight, but you helped me let go.  So thank you for that too. You were right, my life is better and i am different and i do deserve more.  So did you.  I didn't appreciate you for so long, but i'm grateful we connected during these last few years.  I wish i had loved you longer.

Down 7 pounds, haven’t had ANY acid indigestion since I started AND I put on a ring that didn’t fit less than a week ago. So.  Totally worth it. I don’t have to think about food all day, when can I have it, what can I have, how MUCH can I have?  I don’t have to plan today what I want to eat 5 days from now, like another weight loss plan I tried and just couldn’t stick with.   I don’t have an addiction to food that I’ve heard others talk about.  I thought I might, but what I have is actually pure laziness.  Also, at times I allow myself to get so hungry that I just start eating whatever is in sight, or easiest- like that drive thru poison.  That’s part of what makes me so frustrated, I KNOW BETTER.  I just don’t take proper care of myself.   Didn’t.    Am I excited that I’m down?  Hell yeah.  Do I feel more energy, yes indeed. ...

Day 2 Life without sugar and carbs is painful.  Literally. I am not craving ANYTHING as much as sleep, and a release from this crappy feeling. I had hoped because I wasn’t a huge sugar eater in the first place that the withdrawals would be pretty light. I was wrong. I’m drinking water like crazy- and forcing myself to eat every 2-3 hours.  I weighed myself the day before I started this- Wednesday morning- and swallowed hard when I was faced with what I need to lose.  Will lose. Then I went out dancing and drank a beer to celebrate not drinking any more beer for a while. That same day I hit over 11,000 steps on my fitbit which I haven’t done since I started wearing one a couple years ago.  Yay me. Today I weighed myself again because, well, I work in a hospital and the temptation was too great.  I did it three times because I thought the scale was out of wack.  I’d down 3 pounds?  Since Wednesday morning?...

Another blog filled with TMI you've been warned.  I'm sitting at my kitchen table with a glass of wine and brownies baking in the oven.  This is a kind of "going away" party that i'm giving myself.  Wine and brownies won't be passing through these lips for a very long time, if ever again.  okay, not for a very long time. For the past 3 years i have struggled with my weight.  First, i quit smoking, then had an injury, then went through a painful breakup.  Add being miserable at work ...and feeling like my life was flying by and I was not doing what i should be, that there was..more.  I made mistakes.  I fixed them.  And i ate.  I found that i enjoy wine, so i drank.  And ate.  And bought bigger clothes I firmly believe that it was my weight that made my ex cheat and finally break up with me.  Thank you weight.  I believe it was my weight that caused a short term boyfriend to not want sex, ever, causing me to brea...