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Day 2

Day 2


Life without sugar and carbs is painful.  Literally. I am not craving ANYTHING as much as sleep, and a release from this crappy feeling. I had hoped because I wasn’t a huge sugar eater in the first place that the withdrawals would be pretty light.


I was wrong.


I’m drinking water like crazy- and forcing myself to eat every 2-3 hours.  I weighed myself the day before I started this- Wednesday morning- and swallowed hard when I was faced with what I need to lose.  Will lose. Then I went out dancing and drank a beer to celebrate not drinking any more beer for a while. That same day I hit over 11,000 steps on my fitbit which I haven’t done since I started wearing one a couple years ago. 


Yay me.


Today I weighed myself again because, well, I work in a hospital and the temptation was too great.  I did it three times because I thought the scale was out of wack.  I’d down 3 pounds?  Since Wednesday morning?  I’m using the same scale so……….i really have to stop doing that.  It’s not about the weight. (hell yes it is) It’s about how I feel (which right now is pretty shitty) and how I look in my clothes (which I will have to buy all over again)


 


Welcome to diet mind.  But this really isn’t a diet.  It’s a way of getting my weight down quickly so I can see results and not damage myself when I’m exercising.  It’s a way of staying motivated, of relearning that food is just food, it’s not a crutch.  Last night I ate a cup and a half of broccoli with 1 tsp of butter, 1 tsp of garlic parsley seasoning nd two boca burger patties (vegetarian).  Also, can’t forget a huge glass of water.


It was better than I thought it was gonna be.  I don’t want to talk about food so much as the emotional and mental experience of finally realizing that what I was doing wasn’t working, and wasn’t going to magically start working.  I’ve made the investment, I have the support and my mind is right. 


 


I checked in at physical therapy last night and automatically took a single lifesaver because they were there.  I opened it, started to put it in my mouth and realized “oh shit, I can’t have this” – no pockets, don’t see a garbage can, think “it won’t matter” for a hot second and then tucked it into my bra.  Later that night when I was getting ready for bed it flew across the room as I ripped off the *&^* bra and I got a good giggle.  The lifesaver doesn’t matter.  The fact that I didn’t make an excuse, that I changed my mind about it mattering……….THAT is what matters.


That is going to be what makes me successful and keeps me at a good place when I reach goal.  Using food, and alcohol to soothe hurt feelings and bad days is no longer an option.  Time to figure it out.


 


If you read this and you feel it, I love you for feeling it.  It’s not easy, but it’s not hard either.  It’s a choice.


 


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