Walking Barefoot in Snow

Been on a dating site the past few weeks, curious to see what is out there when i decide it's time again.  Men can be really......boring.  And crude. And predictable.  At least on these sites - i'm not saying "all men".  I rather like men. Mostly. The interesting ones actually read my profile and start a conversation mentioning things we have in common, etc. They also have more than one picture that shows a glimpse of their lives. At least one picture has to have a smile.   I take these guys more seriously and don't just "delete", and let me tell you- i delete a hell of a lot more than respond.  One sentence, that is not perfectly constructed and succinctly targeting my interests does NOT qualify for a response. "hey" "you're beautiful" "what's up" "how are you" "hi" "Your hair is great" "your eyes are pretty" "whats your name" "love your smile" ...

This weekend was better than the last.  I didn't make any new startling and heartbreaking discoveries so i'm going to consider that a good thing.  My favorite Christmas party was Saturday night, the one i look forward to each year.  I wasn't going to go but the hostess, my friend, basically told me i was going- because i would feel bad if I didn't go and because SHE would feel bad and that of course, is what changed my mind.  I've been told by 3 different people in as many days that i'm "too nice"........that shit has to change. SO- obviously this was a party I went to with the x-bf every year.  These were all originally his friends and they became my friends as well.  Now it feels strange because i'm starting to feel the differences in people........i feel sides being taken due to life circumstances, and changes happening.  I knew it would, i'm sure i'm changing as well.  It hurts though- there is so much more to a breakup than just the ...

A male friend of mine warned me that "they would be crawling out of the woodwork" ......They being men, and crawling is an apt description.  Because like snakes, they have no backbone. Let's review my last month, shall we?  My boyfriend of 13 years broke up with me out of the clear blue sky and a month later I moved out of the house we shared. It was the best month we've had together in years with him spending time at home, sharing in chores, actually TALKING to each other......how it could have- SHOULD have been all along.  I left with the feeling that we loved each other, that we needed a solid break to work on our own selves, and then we would eventually find our way back.  Because that's what love does. Proof that 80's movies have destroyed my reality of love and romance. After doing some reading i realize i was in denial.  BIG denial.  He never once fed into the fantasy that we would ever re-unite.  Even at the end i was fucking clueless. ...

Good days, bad days - they are all the same to me now.  I knew that the temporary lull of peace would not last and that any good feelings i had regarding him would expire.......i knew it, and yet i was so surprised when it happened.  Again.  And Again. Any contact i have with him makes me feel like shit and any contact i don't have with him makes me feel so empty.  Like organs have been removed.  With no pain medication.   This is driving me crazy.  My head keeps telling me it won't go on like this forever and i just have to wade through all the shitty feelings and then put them to rest.  But every time i think i'm done, i get hit with more information and i'm back to the beginning again.   I have to stop this.  He has.  But he hasn't really dealt with it because he got busy banging someone else right away.  He's all good.  The thought of being with anyone else right now makes me feel nauseous but he wants me to...

My daughter is a smart woman and many times I believe i have learned more from her than I was ever able to teach her.  Both my children, actually, blow me out of the water.  If i have done nothing of value in this life except give birth to them, and to know them, i am successful. Now they are adults, living adult lives, making adult choices - and they are better at it than i ever was.  Maybe when you grow up watching someone make stupid mistake after stupid mistake you learn not to follow in their footsteps.  You learn how to avoid the pitfalls. She called me this weekend and told me (in not these exact words) that I needed to not go off the deep end and dishonor the relationship i've had for the past 13 years.  That yes, it ended badly, but that there were a lot of great memories to cherish.  That it hadn't been a waste of time.  That I had learned a lot about myself that i needed to learn. He didn't need to hurt me by letting me know he had bee...

People will say breakups are different for men, that they can sleep with another woman and it doesn't necessarily mean anything. It means something. It means I loved you, and now I nothing you. You weren't the one. I was wrong. I was wrong about anything I thought I saw in you.

Dark Humor Comics By Gypsie Raleigh.....If you haven't experienced her work - Do.

My friends are AMAzing, and I say this with passion.  They aren't "eh" or "meh".  They are the BEST.  I like to think it's because i'm picky about who i consider a friend.  But even most of my acquaintances are pretty damn cool.  Maybe it's because i'm an introvert and choose to spend a lot of my time alone, so when i DO need to be around people- it's only the best. Or if i reach out for a conversation, even online,  it's only because I value their input and trust their judgement.  I may not actually take the advice but I do absolutely consider it.  What's my point?  Everyone thinks their friends are the best.  Don't they? I am extremely flattered when someone says "I have someone I'd like you to meet" - or "I know someone that would love to meet you"........I understand that they are trying to make me happy, or someone else happy...whatever the case.  I get it.  I know that they mean well because th...