A male friend of mine warned me that "they would be crawling out of the woodwork" ......They being men, and crawling is an apt description. Because like snakes, they have no backbone.
Let's review my last month, shall we? My boyfriend of 13 years broke up with me out of the clear blue sky and a month later I moved out of the house we shared. It was the best month we've had together in years with him spending time at home, sharing in chores, actually TALKING to each other......how it could have- SHOULD have been all along. I left with the feeling that we loved each other, that we needed a solid break to work on our own selves, and then we would eventually find our way back. Because that's what love does.
Proof that 80's movies have destroyed my reality of love and romance.
After doing some reading i realize i was in denial. BIG denial. He never once fed into the fantasy that we would ever re-unite. Even at the end i was fucking clueless. But boy did i get a wake up call when one week later I went back to the house, with his permission - and found lady things that were not mine. Talk about a punch in the throat. It felt like my guts had been pulled out if my nose. Slowly.
Then friends soothed me with "men do that"...........Yeah, some men DO do that.
So whatever, right? We were mutually broken up and I could easily have gone out the Saturday I moved out and gotten myself some ass. Because of course, that was foremost in my mind. That's some sarcasm for anyone who doesn't understand sarcasm.
ANYONE can get laid. ANYONE. It's not an achievement. And here comes Polly Anna - Having someone make love with you is the part you need to earn, to nurture, to grow. And that got thrown away for a fuck.......It happens all the time.
For instance, I recently spoke with a man who at the end of the conversation told me he has a girlfriend but he isn't in love with her. Doesn't want to sleep with her. But she's a good woman and he doesn't want to hurt her, she doesn't deserve to be hurt. She takes good care of him. So, would i like to go out with him?
uh. I can't even. This is the pickings? First off- any man who knows me even a little bit knows that now isn't the time. Second, any man that wants me to "go out" with him right now, wants a hot mess as a companion. Thirdly, I may be heartbroken but I am not stupid. Or Desperate.
This is what i attract. Because as this man was giving me his line, all i could think about was my ex bf, saying the same fucking thing to some dumb ass woman.
At first, i felt really horrible and then I felt empowered. I can see this shit a mile away now. And i'm old enough that I don't have to worry about having children or getting married. I get to be picky as fuck. And THIS kind of man- lol - no baby, you don't stand a chance. I would MUCH rather be alone. But i'm not really alone at all and I never was. I have my kids, my friends, and I have myself.
So maybe no more tears okay MB? Maybe let's just sit back and enjoy this ride for a while and get picky about who gets to join us. There are types. and I seem to fall for the ones that will hurt me - and yet.........I should have known, right? The signs were always there I just never paid attention because i never put myself first. I accepted less than i deserved. I felt i had to work hard to have someone love me.
And that's simply not true. All i ever had to be was myself and the right person will either come along or won't. In the meantime, no more bullshit.
But damn do i want to kiss someone. :) I'm human. give me a break.
Let's review my last month, shall we? My boyfriend of 13 years broke up with me out of the clear blue sky and a month later I moved out of the house we shared. It was the best month we've had together in years with him spending time at home, sharing in chores, actually TALKING to each other......how it could have- SHOULD have been all along. I left with the feeling that we loved each other, that we needed a solid break to work on our own selves, and then we would eventually find our way back. Because that's what love does.
Proof that 80's movies have destroyed my reality of love and romance.
After doing some reading i realize i was in denial. BIG denial. He never once fed into the fantasy that we would ever re-unite. Even at the end i was fucking clueless. But boy did i get a wake up call when one week later I went back to the house, with his permission - and found lady things that were not mine. Talk about a punch in the throat. It felt like my guts had been pulled out if my nose. Slowly.
Then friends soothed me with "men do that"...........Yeah, some men DO do that.
So whatever, right? We were mutually broken up and I could easily have gone out the Saturday I moved out and gotten myself some ass. Because of course, that was foremost in my mind. That's some sarcasm for anyone who doesn't understand sarcasm.
ANYONE can get laid. ANYONE. It's not an achievement. And here comes Polly Anna - Having someone make love with you is the part you need to earn, to nurture, to grow. And that got thrown away for a fuck.......It happens all the time.
For instance, I recently spoke with a man who at the end of the conversation told me he has a girlfriend but he isn't in love with her. Doesn't want to sleep with her. But she's a good woman and he doesn't want to hurt her, she doesn't deserve to be hurt. She takes good care of him. So, would i like to go out with him?
uh. I can't even. This is the pickings? First off- any man who knows me even a little bit knows that now isn't the time. Second, any man that wants me to "go out" with him right now, wants a hot mess as a companion. Thirdly, I may be heartbroken but I am not stupid. Or Desperate.
This is what i attract. Because as this man was giving me his line, all i could think about was my ex bf, saying the same fucking thing to some dumb ass woman.
At first, i felt really horrible and then I felt empowered. I can see this shit a mile away now. And i'm old enough that I don't have to worry about having children or getting married. I get to be picky as fuck. And THIS kind of man- lol - no baby, you don't stand a chance. I would MUCH rather be alone. But i'm not really alone at all and I never was. I have my kids, my friends, and I have myself.
So maybe no more tears okay MB? Maybe let's just sit back and enjoy this ride for a while and get picky about who gets to join us. There are types. and I seem to fall for the ones that will hurt me - and yet.........I should have known, right? The signs were always there I just never paid attention because i never put myself first. I accepted less than i deserved. I felt i had to work hard to have someone love me.
And that's simply not true. All i ever had to be was myself and the right person will either come along or won't. In the meantime, no more bullshit.
But damn do i want to kiss someone. :) I'm human. give me a break.
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