Walking Barefoot in Snow

Lunchtime Wait for your call What are you doing Who are you calling now Who is loving you Who is waiting Tell her you love her Tell her you care Tell her what you are Angry Manipulating Scary Sweet Desperate Lost Tell her what you want To chase To own To collect Tell her who you are A lover A thief A liar mbl

A few thoughts: When a couple is in a long term relationship, and one never gets to know the others friends- it's no loss to them when there is a break up.  HOWEVER, when the OTHER makes friends with most of the others friends- they are likely to remain friends with some, if not most.  Only a few fake ass people will jump ship completely and immediately.  No loss there.  No surprise either. I find it fucked up that my ex would actually believe he was going to neatly cut me out of his life AND "his" friends lives.......and seemed really hurt that it didn't happen that way.  Not everyone considered me disposable, and i'm really not sorry if that wasn't something he worked out in his head ahead of time.  Surprise! I found myself feeling sorry for her when i was shown a picture of their baby shower.  She looks so normal.  He looked utterly stoned.  He must be sooooo happy.  He's gotten everything he ever wanted.  Yes, that is sarc...

That guy that i was so proud of myself for inviting to a party never showed up.  AND it appears that i've been blocked on his facebook. Here's what i've learned:   Listen to my best friend when she tells me a guy is an asshole  C ontinue to ask men out if i feel like it.   Why not? I'm a grown up and I've now learned      what it feels like to be stood up. That's never happened to me before.  Usually i don't pick          such rude men.  Some may be jerks, but never pussies.  It's not devastating.  It's a quick way to  learn that someone is messed up.  Saves time.  Also, make myself absolutely clear if i'm asking someone out because i want to start dating them, or if it's just to have a drink because i enjoy their brain.  I guess i wasn't clear about that.  It was the company i was looking for.  See I thought there was a possibility of my ex showing up.  I thin...

What is wrong about having someone be excited about me? What is wrong with having a man tell me how much better I look in person, tell me how beautiful he thinks I am? What is wrong with having someone be enthusiastic about calling me, texting me, wanting to reach out to me?  Make me laugh, take so much pleasure in making me smile?  Wanting to spoil me in ways i've NEVER been spoiled? Why do i automatically discount any compliment as bullshit.  Any interest as faked and manipulating.........why can't i just enjoy the moment and accept good will when it comes my way? Why can't i trust anything that comes out of a mans mouth?  When did i become so jaded and unable to accept compliments? affection? Well, this shit has to stop. I'm going to try something new.  I've been doing that lately, trying to quiet the voice in my head that whispers "you don't deserve love"..."you aren't good enough"......."something is wrong with anyone ...

Listening to Sublime.........feels like summer in my office.  My first day back at work and the place is deserted while i drown in receipts, spreadsheets and requisitions.  Ugh.  The end of the fiscal year isn't something i should be so involved in, and yet..........here i am.  Goddamned calculator and all. I should have become an accountant. Shoulda woulda coulda no regrets. You know that thing called liquid courage?  I obtained some.  Put a few drinks in me and all of a sudden i'm "I love everyone and anything is possible yayyyyyy"........which i suppose is better than "what the actual FUCK are you looking at??" which has also been known to happen, but not in a really long time.  Really. Yesterday i asked a man to go to an upcoming party with me.  Yes, i did that.  Miss cold and reserved busted out her whythefucknot and just casually invited him to attend with me.  He said yes.  I hadn't realized i was holding my breath wa...

I cried a lot last night, was up until 3am because i did the one thing i said i wouldn't do again.  I let that door open.  Not wide, but enough that there was some scab pulling going on.  I was able to say my piece, speak my heart and find solace in knowing that I am worth missing, that there is regret.  It must be my ego that is still so bruised because as soon as the sentiment was shared I felt like it was all really done.  That I was in fact, not treated fairly and that everything i was told i was crazy over was in fact happening.  I think it takes courage to admit that, and I appreciated it.   I did not fall into any of the old patterns that usually slip on so easily with someone you've spent such a long time with.  I did not get angry, I did not poke, i did not say anything I didn't think about first.  I protected myself.  The person once had the role of protecting my back and i wouldn't fall for that again.  You get one sho...