Walking Barefoot in Snow

This is a question I always ask anyone who comes to me upset about relationship problems.  The point being that over time, THIS particular situation that has you so upset?  It probably won't matter in a year. I can't remember the date I told my ex I wanted a divorce.  I can't remember the date of when I moved out finally- still married and still too poor to file.  I remember the events, but the dates don't stand out because in my head I was already long gone.  I had already left him, many times over in my mind.  That looks nasty in print.  But truth is truth and thats what i tell.  At that point, his feelings really meant nothing to me.  That rubber band of caring had been snapped for the last time.  Don't get me wrong, i felt for his pain from a distance, but as a participant?  No.  So when it was my turn years later to have my life end as i knew it - I recognized that he had already been long gone.  Again, truth is...

wow.  just. wow. someone contacted me in order to let me know that she had a "thing" with my ex while we were together.  i'm soooo shocked.  Right. I did not respond because #1 not my problem and #2 not my problem.  Don't know what her motivation is, considering it's been a while since that would be valuable information to me.  Seems like he has a lot of disillusioned females in his past.  He hit on my friends for christ sake, so this is not the most shocking thing i've learned since the breakup.  I AM hoping its the last.  I know, we all wish our ex's would vanish off the face of the earth.  Anyways, the parts WE are inhabiting.  I'm all set with the updates and the "you should know" messages.  There isn't anything i need to know.  Or want to know.  Okay?  So take me off the person who is interested list. I can't wait till the time comes where no-one remembers we were together.  Including me. ...

Every time i start to wish someone ill will I caution myself that what I send out into the world comes back to me threefold...... It's pretty easy to hate people.  Sometimes its almost impossible not to feel ill even thinking about some......... but it's all in how you look at it.  What is it that is making you dislike ( or stronger, hate) that person? Once i identify what it is, it's only a matter of changing my thinking.  Actively, with purpose - changing my mind and my thoughts regarding that person. It doesn't mean i all of a sudden love them, or like them, or want to even be around them.  It just means that I don't have to hold any space in my head, or heart for them anymore.  My feelings aren't something that applies to them in any way, any more. I recently saw a picture of my ex with his baby mama.  My first response to said picture was "ewwwwww" and then "grrrrrrrr"  and then........."man do i feel sorry for her".  ...

It is a real joy being in a relationship with a man who is technically challenged.  His phone is for calling people, and texting.  Occasionally looking for car parts, craigs list, etc.... He has facebook and knows the basics on how to use it.  No messenger even. No secret relationships taking place online. No hiding his phone OR having a second phone I don't know about. No calling or texting ex girlfriends, or sending them pictures, or bitching about the life he has now.   He is a welder.  He is responsible.  He owns his home, pays his bills, prioritizes his needs and wants, and is VERY good with his hands.  I mean, he works on his own home..........of course. ehem.   I look at this man, and i can't believe he's mine.  So masculine and yet, such a sweetheart.  So giving, but not with motivation or manipulation.  He thinks i'm the shit.  I think he's restoring my faith in how real men ...

I gave myself a little pep talk this morning about eating right and laying off the sugar......the only thing bothering me lately is my pants size and i'd like to get it down to where i'm most comfortable.  I don't think it's unreasonable.  Just gonna require some self control and a some movement. Felt pretty good about it too.......and then I stuffed two donuts into my mouth 10 minutes after arriving at work.  WHY?! Well it would have been kinda rude not to. Really. I arrived at my office door to find a chair right in front of it with a box of donuts and a note on top.  It was left by a faculty member as a "tangible thank you" for my assistance with a problem he had last week.  What a nice surprise - to be thanked.  I mean, the donuts were not necessary but they were a nice touch. It's actually a little embarrassing but since i'm not keeping this huge box in my office to tempt me and i can't rip the top off where the note is written - f...

Two things drive me insane, in a bad way - People who drive 60 mph in the left lane with no-one in front of them and a long line of traffic behind them.  Are you blind?  Do you not understand that the middle or right lane is just as paved as the left?  You are the cause of accidents because people are zipping in and out of lanes trying to get AROUND you, in the passing lane.  Where you are traveling.  Slowly.  Asshole.  Highway driving is going to make me into a monster.  ok.  It has made me into a monster.  I don't care. SECOND- I don't give a shit who uses the public bathroom.  I don't care what parts they have.  There are stalls and i don't need to verify if someone is packing or not.  Peeing in public is already bad, and filthy.  I'm busy trying not to touch anything, not checking to see if that bearded lady is actually a man.  SO when my work decided to make the private bathrooms on my floor (one t...

This commute has been........interesting.  It takes me a minimum of 45 minutes each way during rush hour traffic - the entire trip on highways.  I think it was when i drove to NY to see my daughter - that i lost any inhibitions I had about highway driving.  The ex had said he would go with me and then that morning something better came up (his new screw) so I went anyways, by myself.  I'm grateful because if i hadn't gone alone and gotten over my anxiety this commute would leave me without a job.  It allowed me to meet Mike. Getting over my fear of the highway opened up my world. That is a pretty massive change for me, this ability to drive anywhere and not feel terrified.  I still hate tunnels but i've even done THAT without the heart palpitations.  It's amazing what a person can do when they have to.  It has allowed me to be free, to go wherever i want whenever i want, with or without company.  I don't rush home everyday, and generall...

Yes.  We are still in that sweet stage that makes everyone but us want to vomit.  I don't see any end to it, at least not that soon.  When two people who have been so sad for so long find each other and all the parts match up perfectly.......it's a time to celebrate and appreciate. Its not fair to compare past relationships to my present one and yet, i do find myself noticing the differences - of course a lot can't compare because it simply has never happened before.  Like this trust feeling.......something i flat out told previous men would never occur because i just never knew how.  I've learned that you CAN'T learn to trust, its there - or not.  This isn't to say i haven't trusted my ex's with many things, just not EVERYTHING........i've always held a piece back for myself because I knew even in the beginning that they were temporary and that they would hurt me.  Was this their fault or mine?  Both.  It was mine for staying in relations...