Yes. We are still in that sweet stage that makes everyone but us want to vomit. I don't see any end to it, at least not that soon. When two people who have been so sad for so long find each other and all the parts match up perfectly.......it's a time to celebrate and appreciate.
Its not fair to compare past relationships to my present one and yet, i do find myself noticing the differences - of course a lot can't compare because it simply has never happened before. Like this trust feeling.......something i flat out told previous men would never occur because i just never knew how. I've learned that you CAN'T learn to trust, its there - or not. This isn't to say i haven't trusted my ex's with many things, just not EVERYTHING........i've always held a piece back for myself because I knew even in the beginning that they were temporary and that they would hurt me. Was this their fault or mine? Both. It was mine for staying in relationship where i knew i wasn't valued, and it was theirs for proving me right.
Dysfunction anyone? I stand by the feeling that i had to experience my previous relationships in order to not fuck up this one. I had to learn. Boy, did I learn. I'm sure there is plenty more to learn about myself, about him - about life in general, and the fact that i trust him 100% makes that an exciting thing to look forward to. I feel excited. All. The. Time. Not manic "enjoy this while it lasts" excitement.........I just look forward to anything and everything that we do together and even apart - I love being able to talk to him about adventures outside of us. I love that he listens and TALKS to me, that he can take my kind of teasing, that his teasing doesn't demean or belittle me, that we can't pass each other without touching...........
Enough. I know. But for fucks sake I have been waiting for this feeling my entire life. I'm not owned, and i don't need to worry about what he's doing when he's not with me. I don't have to know what he's doing every minute of the day because of the fact that I know he isn't betraying and disrespecting me by either using hardcore drugs (ex husband) or trying to add to his stable of women (ex bf).
He is a man. He has a backbone and a brain and that isn't altered by my mood. He has compassion and empathy. He cares enough about me to care about the people i care about. He has willingly and without temper met some of my friends, all who have told me how much they like him. This may not seem like a big deal to normal people who have had normal relationships, but i've NEVER had my friends say they like my partner. Usually they wonder what the hell i'm up to. Usually they don't understand why i'm with that man, who can't be bothered not only with them but with anything that is important to me - including ME.
Apparently I glow. And i'm happy. Really, happy. Nothing seems to faze me much lately - I feel like everything in my world is cohesive for the first time. There are not pieces of myself that i need to hide or hold down so that he is comfortable with me - he likes me at 100%, and the feeling is mutual. I FEEL lit up from within.......when i'm with him and when i'm not. I'm not worried about anything because i know everything is always going to work out. Even the bad shit that happens in life will work out.
I'm not alone anymore. I was alone for a long time within relationships and i finally learned that it was much better to fly solo than being unhappy with someone. I always thought people go through unhappiness and stay together because that is commitment, I didn't want to be like my mother who changed men as often as underwear. I had a very twisted idea of relationships and there are times even now that i have to stop and ask myself where my feelings are coming from. The difference is that now I know and can own it, and let it pass when it's mine- or speak up when i feel like i need to. Frankly, I haven't needed to with him yet. He considers me. I've always wanted that and gone without. Well, not anymore. And i didn't even have to fight for it.
IF this relationship begins to go south I am not afraid to "fail" and move on. I won't be hanging on to anyone who isn't good for me again because now i know that you can't make someone love and/or value you, no matter how hard you try to love them, or try to prove yourself, no matter how much you sacrifice, no matter how much you do for them - I became a doormat with no backbone because I allowed it to happen because I didn't value my own self. And if you can't value yourself, no one else will either.
Its not fair to compare past relationships to my present one and yet, i do find myself noticing the differences - of course a lot can't compare because it simply has never happened before. Like this trust feeling.......something i flat out told previous men would never occur because i just never knew how. I've learned that you CAN'T learn to trust, its there - or not. This isn't to say i haven't trusted my ex's with many things, just not EVERYTHING........i've always held a piece back for myself because I knew even in the beginning that they were temporary and that they would hurt me. Was this their fault or mine? Both. It was mine for staying in relationship where i knew i wasn't valued, and it was theirs for proving me right.
Dysfunction anyone? I stand by the feeling that i had to experience my previous relationships in order to not fuck up this one. I had to learn. Boy, did I learn. I'm sure there is plenty more to learn about myself, about him - about life in general, and the fact that i trust him 100% makes that an exciting thing to look forward to. I feel excited. All. The. Time. Not manic "enjoy this while it lasts" excitement.........I just look forward to anything and everything that we do together and even apart - I love being able to talk to him about adventures outside of us. I love that he listens and TALKS to me, that he can take my kind of teasing, that his teasing doesn't demean or belittle me, that we can't pass each other without touching...........
Enough. I know. But for fucks sake I have been waiting for this feeling my entire life. I'm not owned, and i don't need to worry about what he's doing when he's not with me. I don't have to know what he's doing every minute of the day because of the fact that I know he isn't betraying and disrespecting me by either using hardcore drugs (ex husband) or trying to add to his stable of women (ex bf).
He is a man. He has a backbone and a brain and that isn't altered by my mood. He has compassion and empathy. He cares enough about me to care about the people i care about. He has willingly and without temper met some of my friends, all who have told me how much they like him. This may not seem like a big deal to normal people who have had normal relationships, but i've NEVER had my friends say they like my partner. Usually they wonder what the hell i'm up to. Usually they don't understand why i'm with that man, who can't be bothered not only with them but with anything that is important to me - including ME.
Apparently I glow. And i'm happy. Really, happy. Nothing seems to faze me much lately - I feel like everything in my world is cohesive for the first time. There are not pieces of myself that i need to hide or hold down so that he is comfortable with me - he likes me at 100%, and the feeling is mutual. I FEEL lit up from within.......when i'm with him and when i'm not. I'm not worried about anything because i know everything is always going to work out. Even the bad shit that happens in life will work out.
I'm not alone anymore. I was alone for a long time within relationships and i finally learned that it was much better to fly solo than being unhappy with someone. I always thought people go through unhappiness and stay together because that is commitment, I didn't want to be like my mother who changed men as often as underwear. I had a very twisted idea of relationships and there are times even now that i have to stop and ask myself where my feelings are coming from. The difference is that now I know and can own it, and let it pass when it's mine- or speak up when i feel like i need to. Frankly, I haven't needed to with him yet. He considers me. I've always wanted that and gone without. Well, not anymore. And i didn't even have to fight for it.
IF this relationship begins to go south I am not afraid to "fail" and move on. I won't be hanging on to anyone who isn't good for me again because now i know that you can't make someone love and/or value you, no matter how hard you try to love them, or try to prove yourself, no matter how much you sacrifice, no matter how much you do for them - I became a doormat with no backbone because I allowed it to happen because I didn't value my own self. And if you can't value yourself, no one else will either.
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