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Again

I'm obsessing again, not sure what triggered it. So nice to come out of thin air and slap me in the face. I think stress at work and the change of season right around the corner is doing it. Sitting here in Meriden waiting on a few old friends to meet up for cocktails and catching up....its been so long.  I almost cancelled, as I'm always inclined to do, because of unreasonable nervousness and a touch of panic. Partially because the talk will go back in time at some points  and it brings up a lot of feelings, none of them comfortable. However, seeing these ladies is always such a comfort. Laughing and certain man bashing (I'm sorry but it's true) will also be on the menu. 

I'm sad sometimes, when random memories are set loose in my brain. I am still waiting for the day when that pain in my chest doesn't come along with them. Seems ridiculous to me considering where I am now in my life,  so it also annoys me. Makes me feel foolish all over again.

Betrayal will do that to a person.  I don't know if people ever really forget the feeling. I am trying my best.

I'm scared sometimes...not looking to care too much about Mikes family because if the day comes where he decides I no longer matter...well. But I do of course.  I care about him and his family even with my heart screaming at me to be careful. 

And then I think, fuck it. I do what I want.

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