Remember when cheating required a bit of effort? Before Facebook? and before the internet in general.
I engaged in my own naive flirtations via chat rooms on AOL when it was all new (yes, i'm that old) and the concept that it was live person on the other end still hadn't sunk in for me as a real thing. But it was a pretty new thing to everyone at the time so no-one really had it mastered like they do now. You accidentally met someone in a chat room that catered to whatever your interest was and it took off from there. I didn't even have cell phone at the time so everything was literally on the desktop computer that had dial up line that would tie up your land line phone if you were using it.
If i fell into the temptation of flirtations with random "men" (maybe? who really knows) then, when I had to actually make TIME and EFFORT to indulge, I imagine that growing up with the instant ability to have everyone and anyone at your fingertips, on a cell phone - would be overwhelmingly tempting. But by then, i was in love. So everyone else, they were not high on my list of attention.
I'm reality based, surprisingly. Really, I am. Flesh and blood and with me gets more attention then people on my phone. I don't always answer, I don't always text back, I live where i am at that moment. I wouldn't sit on my cell phone in another room betraying the person who loves me while they cook me dinner by themselves and then allow me to sit at a silent table before running out the door to give attention to someone who is aware i am in a relationship.
So let me get this ugly zit popped so i can get some relief......I kinda hate someone i don't even know. And i'm really starting to hate someone I love. loved. whatever it is, it truly is a fine line.
When i found out he has known this person all along, throughout our entire relationship he has had contact and the desire for her- just not the chance.......it makes me rage. Fuck him and his fake second class love. I was so manipulated, and used.....and not first choice, ever. And fuck me for accepting that.
So now he has her- LUCKY HER. Seems to me his type always wants what they can't have. And now, he's gonna have something he supposedly never wanted on top of that. But he didn't cheat on me........uh uh, nope. Somewhere around July I'll have my confirmation, or i'll be proven wrong.
Let's say he "refound" her by accidental meeting and realized he just had to have her. So be broke up with me and then asked her out, she said yes and BOOM shit happened. Would that make me feel better? Probably not honestly. I'd still be hurt and mourning but i think I would respect his hard decision and acknowledgement of feelings for someone else. I would respect his risk in letting go of what he had,to pursue what he might not actually get.
And i don't believe for a hot second that is what happened. I think he had that bird in hand well before he let me go.
She has a home that is paid off, a good job, and he is moving in after "two months". Moving on up. Again, LUCKY HER. I know she's younger, i know she's probably skinnier and maybe she's prettier. But she is NOT smarter. He thought he had a "short leash" with me..........HAHAHAHAAHA oh sweetheart, you are in for it. And i can't say i'm unhappy about it.
I'm bitter and ugly about it. I loved our life, our home, our friends. I put all of myself into it. I made my family his family and his family my family. He stopped putting any effort into us, stopped caring if we were happy, and balls out refused to do anything about it. He already had his mind set on someone else and what we had was just done. just like that. No we weren't happy. But i was beating my head against a wall trying to make it better and he didn't lift a finger to help. It takes two people invested in making it work to make it work. And it's not always happy, or easy, or fun. Thats REAL.
So i hope she likes doing the heavy lifting. Because once that shine dulls - it's gonna be on her. I hope she never fully invests in him because that will be the death toll of their relationship. He doesn't want what he can have. He doesn't think he deserves it or that he can keep it. So he just gives up. I know him. All of him, the good, the bad and the moody. And i loved him completely and faithfully yet
You were able to take him. Remember that.
I truly hope he loves HER completely and deeply and that this was a fairy tale story and i happened to be the casualty. That would make it worth all this pain and ugliness i feel inside right now. Eventually i will be better. Eventually he will be stored away in my memories of "people who gave up on me".......with everyone else that has, BUT there are so many more that HAVEN'T. This is my last obligation to him, to let it go. I've let him go - but all these feelings need to go too. OUT. be done.
I'm working on it.
I engaged in my own naive flirtations via chat rooms on AOL when it was all new (yes, i'm that old) and the concept that it was live person on the other end still hadn't sunk in for me as a real thing. But it was a pretty new thing to everyone at the time so no-one really had it mastered like they do now. You accidentally met someone in a chat room that catered to whatever your interest was and it took off from there. I didn't even have cell phone at the time so everything was literally on the desktop computer that had dial up line that would tie up your land line phone if you were using it.
If i fell into the temptation of flirtations with random "men" (maybe? who really knows) then, when I had to actually make TIME and EFFORT to indulge, I imagine that growing up with the instant ability to have everyone and anyone at your fingertips, on a cell phone - would be overwhelmingly tempting. But by then, i was in love. So everyone else, they were not high on my list of attention.
I'm reality based, surprisingly. Really, I am. Flesh and blood and with me gets more attention then people on my phone. I don't always answer, I don't always text back, I live where i am at that moment. I wouldn't sit on my cell phone in another room betraying the person who loves me while they cook me dinner by themselves and then allow me to sit at a silent table before running out the door to give attention to someone who is aware i am in a relationship.
So let me get this ugly zit popped so i can get some relief......I kinda hate someone i don't even know. And i'm really starting to hate someone I love. loved. whatever it is, it truly is a fine line.
When i found out he has known this person all along, throughout our entire relationship he has had contact and the desire for her- just not the chance.......it makes me rage. Fuck him and his fake second class love. I was so manipulated, and used.....and not first choice, ever. And fuck me for accepting that.
So now he has her- LUCKY HER. Seems to me his type always wants what they can't have. And now, he's gonna have something he supposedly never wanted on top of that. But he didn't cheat on me........uh uh, nope. Somewhere around July I'll have my confirmation, or i'll be proven wrong.
Let's say he "refound" her by accidental meeting and realized he just had to have her. So be broke up with me and then asked her out, she said yes and BOOM shit happened. Would that make me feel better? Probably not honestly. I'd still be hurt and mourning but i think I would respect his hard decision and acknowledgement of feelings for someone else. I would respect his risk in letting go of what he had,to pursue what he might not actually get.
And i don't believe for a hot second that is what happened. I think he had that bird in hand well before he let me go.
She has a home that is paid off, a good job, and he is moving in after "two months". Moving on up. Again, LUCKY HER. I know she's younger, i know she's probably skinnier and maybe she's prettier. But she is NOT smarter. He thought he had a "short leash" with me..........HAHAHAHAAHA oh sweetheart, you are in for it. And i can't say i'm unhappy about it.
I'm bitter and ugly about it. I loved our life, our home, our friends. I put all of myself into it. I made my family his family and his family my family. He stopped putting any effort into us, stopped caring if we were happy, and balls out refused to do anything about it. He already had his mind set on someone else and what we had was just done. just like that. No we weren't happy. But i was beating my head against a wall trying to make it better and he didn't lift a finger to help. It takes two people invested in making it work to make it work. And it's not always happy, or easy, or fun. Thats REAL.
So i hope she likes doing the heavy lifting. Because once that shine dulls - it's gonna be on her. I hope she never fully invests in him because that will be the death toll of their relationship. He doesn't want what he can have. He doesn't think he deserves it or that he can keep it. So he just gives up. I know him. All of him, the good, the bad and the moody. And i loved him completely and faithfully yet
You were able to take him. Remember that.
I truly hope he loves HER completely and deeply and that this was a fairy tale story and i happened to be the casualty. That would make it worth all this pain and ugliness i feel inside right now. Eventually i will be better. Eventually he will be stored away in my memories of "people who gave up on me".......with everyone else that has, BUT there are so many more that HAVEN'T. This is my last obligation to him, to let it go. I've let him go - but all these feelings need to go too. OUT. be done.
I'm working on it.
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