two steps back.
It is possible to have feelings for an ex AND have feelings for your spouse.
Just because something ended, it does not negate the time spent together in a relationship.
Current spouses are current BECAUSE they are preferred. I'm not sure why anyone wouldn't understand that.
Trust. When the trust is broken it's much easier to hate the ex of your spouse than to hold your spouse accountable for sketchy behavior. Secrets breed mistrust. Honesty isn't always easy but at least everyone is on board with the full story of their lives, not being misled.
I love Mike. Very much, for many reasons. We fit. We are comfortable. Our differences compliment each other. I haven't felt this accepted, this calm, this secure- ever. I'm exactly where i am supposed to be and i have zero doubts about it.
Having said that, I do still harbor feelings for my ex. I didn't know a breakup was going to happen. I didn't have the time he did to get used to it and decide on it. One day we were together and the next i'm sleeping downstairs and packing boxes to move. It was rather abrupt. The reasons don't really matter. It happened and that part of my life is over. I guess i didn't get over it quick enough for some people but some people don't matter to me. Being honest, being real - that is what is important to me.
I know that it was the best thing. We should have ended at least a year before we did. Only good things have come from the breakup. Without it i wouldn't have had the time i needed to get to know "me" without a man. I wouldn't have been able to face my fears, accept my faults, love my self as I am..without that breakup. So painful yes, needed, also yes.
Now. I have been asked how Mike feels about my writing about my ex. He doesn't seem bothered and he shouldn't be. Here's the thing. I still mourn my past, the life that died with that relationship. It was a living thing, healthy or not. I mourn the loss of a home i loved, a town i loved, friends living close and traditions we shared. Sometimes i remember good times with the ex and get nostalgic, but in no way do I regret that we went our separate ways. For a while i hated him for how he treated me. I was very sad with him. We weren't friends. He didn't share his life with me. He couldn't. I was the woman that got along with his friends, that wouldn't embarrass him, that got along with his family, that would always take his side, always had his back. He was none of those things to me. So no, Mike has nothing to be bothered about because he IS all those things to me. And more.
I frankly think it would be more weird and absurd NOT to think about times during 13 years of my life. Kinda like hiding from something I am afraid of. I'm not afraid, i have no regrets and I am content with my life. Thoughts don't happen every day like they used to, or even every week - but when they do at least i have the strength to acknowledge them for what they are. Memories of the past. They weren't all bad. And THAT should be celebrated.
It is possible to have feelings for an ex AND have feelings for your spouse.
Just because something ended, it does not negate the time spent together in a relationship.
Current spouses are current BECAUSE they are preferred. I'm not sure why anyone wouldn't understand that.
Trust. When the trust is broken it's much easier to hate the ex of your spouse than to hold your spouse accountable for sketchy behavior. Secrets breed mistrust. Honesty isn't always easy but at least everyone is on board with the full story of their lives, not being misled.
I love Mike. Very much, for many reasons. We fit. We are comfortable. Our differences compliment each other. I haven't felt this accepted, this calm, this secure- ever. I'm exactly where i am supposed to be and i have zero doubts about it.
Having said that, I do still harbor feelings for my ex. I didn't know a breakup was going to happen. I didn't have the time he did to get used to it and decide on it. One day we were together and the next i'm sleeping downstairs and packing boxes to move. It was rather abrupt. The reasons don't really matter. It happened and that part of my life is over. I guess i didn't get over it quick enough for some people but some people don't matter to me. Being honest, being real - that is what is important to me.
I know that it was the best thing. We should have ended at least a year before we did. Only good things have come from the breakup. Without it i wouldn't have had the time i needed to get to know "me" without a man. I wouldn't have been able to face my fears, accept my faults, love my self as I am..without that breakup. So painful yes, needed, also yes.
Now. I have been asked how Mike feels about my writing about my ex. He doesn't seem bothered and he shouldn't be. Here's the thing. I still mourn my past, the life that died with that relationship. It was a living thing, healthy or not. I mourn the loss of a home i loved, a town i loved, friends living close and traditions we shared. Sometimes i remember good times with the ex and get nostalgic, but in no way do I regret that we went our separate ways. For a while i hated him for how he treated me. I was very sad with him. We weren't friends. He didn't share his life with me. He couldn't. I was the woman that got along with his friends, that wouldn't embarrass him, that got along with his family, that would always take his side, always had his back. He was none of those things to me. So no, Mike has nothing to be bothered about because he IS all those things to me. And more.
I frankly think it would be more weird and absurd NOT to think about times during 13 years of my life. Kinda like hiding from something I am afraid of. I'm not afraid, i have no regrets and I am content with my life. Thoughts don't happen every day like they used to, or even every week - but when they do at least i have the strength to acknowledge them for what they are. Memories of the past. They weren't all bad. And THAT should be celebrated.
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