Skip to main content

because its not about you


Some people have punching bags.  I have my blog. 
I’m looking for is a way to pop the emotional zit that gets larger and takes up more space than it should whenever I try to pretend it’s not there. 
Time to get popped bitch.
My present life? Can’t ask for more without being greedy. Situations have changed in my work so that I no longer need to barricade myself behind a sign, or dread the opening of my office door.  So that’s good.  Our home is slowly but surely taking on the look of a couple living there, and my relationship is the kind where fighting is anticlimactic.  We get annoyed.  We go to our separate corners.  We come back and appreciate that there is literally no drama.  It’s kind of weird and honestly I’ve considered going back to my therapist to help me accept that I’m in an adult relationship with a fully grown man.  Which requires me to be a fully grown woman.
Dammit.
Am I happy? I am satisfied.  Many times, more often than not, I feel a surge of appreciation and lightness.  I feel a sense of security – in myself.  Blind trust isn’t something I’m lucky enough to experience but thus far, that wall of protection has been steadily chipped away by his reliable presence of actually wanting to be here. with me. Sharing our life.  that’s good too.
I still need more time alone than what others might consider “normal”.  I am easily drained by other people. I’ve become more selective of where my energy is actually spent. I’m taking care of my needs and paying attention to myself. 
Like physical therapy.  Holy. Shit.  Yes, that hurts!  But then, days later I find that it worked so I go back for more.  They’ve made an incredible difference in how my body feels and works from the inside.  I can move in ways I haven’t been able to in…decades maybe?  Click click, poke and electrocute …..wam bam I’m almost a person who can do things again!  Like walk.  Without pain.  Most of the time. I’ve even added deep tissue massage to the regiment and let me tell you…..sigh.  I got the word today to join a gym and start moving. 
Not so a man will think I’m worthy or attractive enough for him.
So I can feel good and be healthy – you know.  For me.  Mike tells me I’m beautiful every day.  The gym is for me.  But still not cleared for yoga.  Yet. I can’t wait to feel physically good again.  I see it around the corner….
My pain is literally in my past and yet it keeps rearing its ugly head when I least expect it.  Its emotional.  I didn’t ask for it, or call it back.  It just happens. My dreams are vivid again and angry.  There is no peace.  There is no SENSE.  Just emotional pain and a whole lot of anger.  And embarrassment.  And anger.  A lot of anger.
So. Did I mention anger?
Below this I went on a tirade of fuck you’s and you did this and that and blah blah blah but I am smart enough to step away now because I know everything is temporary.  It felt good to type it out but not so good to read it back to myself. 
Here’s the lesson I’m learning on the daily – everything takes time and not everything needs to be said.  Especially when it doesn’t matter anymore.
It may take years for me to detox.  But it’s happening.  Most people are complex and can have feelings for many or more than one person at a time and still manage to act honorably.  Loyally.  I can have residual feelings for what I thought someone was to me. Seems like love is always the easiest to erase and anger just wants to hang on forever. But there is no such thing as forever.  Everything ends and then new things begin and the cycle goes on and on.  Someone with strong character and a loyal heart, that’s the person I aspire to be, that is my goal.  Not dwelling in a past that cant change.  That truly is a waste of time.
Who you are, what you think, how you feel and remember things is up to you.  Not mine to carry.  So – dreams be banished and replaced with goals for the future events, relationships, lessons and living……I’m on my way.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Let's talk about Mr. Racecar

 I admit it.  I am a little bit excited about meeting Mr. Racecar.   He's younger- 53 He's taller, and bigger than me He has tats, bald head and long beard He builds cars/trucks and drag races - own his shop which is attached to his home.  ONE is a Camaro.  It sounds NASTY. He lives an hour away Now......here's what happens in my head:  What the hell could this man possibly see in me?  Why would he want to meet me?  He- owns a Harley but hasn't ridden it in a few years due to a car accident that left him unable to walk again until recently. He is a typical male in that some of his talk tries to lead me down the "lets talk about sex, baby, lets talk about you and me" side of things, which I have successfully diverted without him losing interest. I'm looking to date, to find the man I want to have a relationship with, not a situationship. And then I had to explain what a situationship is because he has only just started dating again, and he is ...

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...

Secrets

 Yesterday I found myself telling someone something about my life that I had not planned on sharing.  We don't really talk too much about our past relationships.  We aren't there yet and i don't know that it's really important.  It's not a race to the finish line.  There is time.   This was just the natural time to share the information. I have very few regrets in my life, some things i may have done differently, but even so, without regret.  Everything has brought me to who i am today.  This got me thinking of how much I've changed, that i would not even put the energy into defending anything I've done because i don't have to, and because i don't want to, or need to.  This also brought to mind how often judgement used to rule my world, and how I felt about myself. I married very young, to my high school boyfriend.  For many reasons, all i ever wanted (in my wisdom of 21 years) was to get married, have babies, and live happily ever ...