back in business

 I had JUST started to lose weight when my "specialist" decided to cut me off from a prescription because her office thought my insurance had changed.  

Six weeks later I have to start it all over again at the start dose because I'm literally starting at the beginning again.  That weight I has lost?  All back.  Joy.

yes, most likely I will need to take a maintenance dose for the rest of my life.......is it worth it?  yes.  Without it I am hungry all the time.  My brain tells me I'm hungry, my stomach growls as if it is empty, I feel hunger pains a half hour after I've eaten.  It never used to be this way.  I hit 50 and I started noticing my appetite increasing not decreasing.  Add some stress and being raised to use food as a coping mechanism and voila!  Big weight gain at a time in my life where getting it off is nearly impossible.  The past 4 weeks have been torture, knowing I'm feeding a hormone, that I'm not starving even if it feels like I am, and constantly thinking about food and when/what can I eat next.

The struggle is real.  

For the past few weeks I've been on the starter dose and yesterday I increased it.  I can feel the effects.  I'm not hungry.  At all.  I AM thirsty so I'm sucking down water and black coffee - I'm aware they counteract each other.  Working on it.

I know even if my eyes are bigger than my......prescription, I won't be able to eat very much before I feel incredibly full.  I will eat more frequently, grazing.......entire meals won't be attractive anymore.  I remember this feeling.  I will need to remind myself to eat or I will forget.  My diet will be mostly protein so my refrigerator will look crazy.  And olives.  I will always have olives.

and fruit (berries mostly) because I'm always thirsty.

Got my CPAP machine with a new company and I've been using it consistently, which will also help with the weight loss.  AND since I scared the hell out of myself walking on the trails and seeing bears more than once, I bought myself a "walking pad" to get my steps in as I binge-watch television after work.  Re-arranged some furniture and I now have a blank wall where its safe to do some yoga and pilates....i can still get down on the floor and not feel like I'm trapped there...When I force myself it feels incredibly wonderful.  

I'm focusing on my physical well being and letting my mental health hitch a ride for a while so that means this blog is going silent again.  Hopefully not for years.