Smart women do not go on dates with men they do not know without doing a little digging first.
It help if a friend recommends the man, but even then, I do a shallow dive into who this man is digitally at least.
I find out a lot on a shallow dive, imagine what I, or anyone can find out on a deep one.
I'm not nosy, or judgmental......but yes, discriminating. I find out about arrests, marriages, bankruptcies....the basics. All i'm looking for is a generic confirmation that this man is unlikely to kill or hurt me when i meet him.
So i know a LOT before i ever meet a man.
Like DUI's.
Like marriages.
Like, live in girlfriends
etc. etc. etc.
The web surprisingly isn't always up to date or correct. A search on myself shows that i'm still married to man i've been divorced from for over 20 years. It also shows and ex boyfriend as still residing with me.....interesting. So, don't believe everything is current. Unless of course it's dated.
I keep concerning information under my hat so to speak. Like, this last date had a DUI on his record from October of 2023. Again, not judging, just aware. When he showed up in an Uber on our first date i did wonder if he lost his license, which probably isn't something he was going to share on a first date.
I have spent time with a man who was seemingly honest about his marriage and divorce. One of them. He left another out. Now, is that a safety concern? Is it really any of my business? Not right away, but it is something I would expect to at least be touched on early on. I knew. I knew he was not entirely honest about his ...history. But then, he didn't really give many details to very direct questions either. So i knew. I knew this was going nowhere on his end.
I still hoped, because i'm that idiot that wants to make the bad boy a good one because he falls in love with me......ha ha ha.
Back to DUI boy. First date was nice. Sat outside on a perfect summer day and chit chatted very directly about what we were looking for by dating. I had a beer, he had many and threw in a cocktail. *noted I also took into account that i know a lot of men that can suck down a sixpack without blinking and they aren't bad guys. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and his uber pulled up beside us. he gave me a nice little kiss goodnight and we went out merry ways.
Next day - lets go to movies? July 4th and neither of us had plans for different reasons. Long story short, we come out of the movie and he walks me to my car and then tries to literally shove his tongue down my throat standing in a parking lot. Ew. Call me picky, call me cold.....that is NOT welcome. So i gave him a little push on the chest and said, "absolutely not doing this". He seemed put off, but accepted my choice and left me to get in my car.
Car, no start. So i grab my handy dandy jump box and begin the process of opening my hood and connecting positive and negative....i've done this a few times. He drives by and stops, asking me if i know what i'm doing.
Let me do that for you would have been accepted, if not needed. Asking me, while I'M DOING IT if i know what i'm doing.......okay fucktard. No. I'm a helpless little flower and need your big man brain to fix it for me. But i bit my tongue.
Car still doesn't turn over. He checks my work to make sure i've got it right ....I think, maybe i didn't charge this jump battery after last time....anyways, it's time to call AAA because i don't want to be here all night.
He DOES offer the use of his AAA if i don't have it.....and then tells me he has to go because his son needs his car. Tells me to keep him informed. And then he leaves, with my assurance that i have AAA.
I do the calls, i walk across the lot and order a slice of pizza and a beer and wait for AAA to call back.
I text my male friend, thinking he will think it's funny, that i have shit luck, and he DOES NOT think it is humorous. He instantly kicks into protective man mode.....where are you? I'll come get you. Don't worry we'll take care of this. Mind you, his girlfriend was also there on speaker phone. My bestie also 45 minutes away from me was offering to come get me or sit with me while i waited....
You know, decent loving people who don't leave a woman alone in a parking lot stranded waiting for help.
In fairness, they know me. They know ME. Just because i can take care of myself doesn't mean i don't get overwhelmed or appreciate the company and support of someone who cares about me. I had total strangers walking out of the theater asking me if i needed a ride, or any assistance.
But the douche who tried to gag me with his tongue was long gone. Never texted, never called to see if i was okay or all set. Winner winner.
You can do a deep dive on the men you might go out with, and all it's going to tell you is what they have been caught doing. It's not going to tell you who they are, or if they are good men.
I know men that have done time and i would trust them with my life. I know men with no record who i wouldn't leave my wallet around.
So .......yes, do the general investigation on a potential date because that is the very least you can do in a world where men play games, are rarely what they say they are, and can be deadly. But never think that because they look great on paper that they are a good person. It's sad, to have to assume that someone doesn't have your best interest at heart, as a person if not a potential special person. But that is the facts, jack, don't come back.
Maybe i'm not lonely. Maybe i'm disappointed that dating and meeting men isn't anywhere near fun.
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