He's coming!

 My grandson is in the process of being born.  My son and DIL checked in to the hospital at 7:30pm last night to get this party started.  Apparently, my grandson needs a little nudge to join  us.

I kept waking up all night, checking my phone.  I made them promise to call when he made his arrival no matter the time.  I know they don't want me to go to the hospital right away, i remember when it was me and i threatened my husbands manhood if he told his mother because she never had any respect for our wishes and would come barging in anyways.  

You rush to the hospital when someone is dying, not getting born.  He has just entered this world and he needs time with his parents, not every tom dick and harry.  

Also, i have a cold.  A small one.  But enough that I would be afraid to make anyone sick at this delicate time.  

If they call me to come, i will go immediately but i will not be able to hold him.  Maybe a mask?  I will talk with my son and see what he thinks.  If he can think after this long delivery.  I'm worried for my DIL because i know she was scared of childbirth.  I hope all is well.  I can't keep texting.  I'm trying to be patient. 

I'm ready to go wait outside the delivery room.

I know i can't.

My daughter gave birth denying that she was in labor for most of it.  She barely made it to the hospital and then when my granddaughter was born she called me and told me she "did a thing".  

I'll never forget that phone call.  I was so joyful and at the same time devastated because i had wanted to be with her during labor.  I wanted to share that experience with her and she had told me i could.  But when it comes down to it, it's between mother and child.  

I wanted to be so involved with my granddaugher, and i regret that i let my son in law chase me away.  I felt it was more important for their small family to bond without me under their feet (my presense is aggravating to my daughter) and then covid hit.....i missed so much.

I refuse to be scared away from this grandchild.  I'm hoping that now that there are TWO i will be able to spend more time with BOTH.  

I made mistakes with my own children, things i can't go back and change.  One of the biggest was time not spent with them.  I always felt like my presense was not wanted.  I still feel that way.  I know now that it's because of how my own mother treated me, but that doesn't mean a thing to my children.  They should have had me more present in their lives.  

What do you do with regret?  Make sure you don't make the same mistake twice.  I can't wait to hold this little love, and to help in whatever way they need me to.  And maybe my daughter will come around and rely on me to help her too.  We are both capricorns, and asking for help is almost a sin.  But I love my family more than my life and i won't be ignored anymore.

Grammy is HERE dammit.

Mr. Cigar has been calling and texting as if we are together.  I can't figure this man out, although i haven't tried.  He is what he is what he is.  Undependable, a liar, and undeniably attractive to my hormones. Backseat for you Mr. Cigar.  I'll fit you in when and where i want.