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I will take seconds




I love this.  So simple a thought and so absolutely accurate.  So many times my table has been empty, or filled with rotted fruit, drawing flies......

But not anymore. 

I love saying that.  Feeling that.

Although, it DOES make me uncomfortable at times because this is an entirely new feeling for me.  It's taking me some time to readjust, let my guard down, enjoy the feeling.......trust the feeling.  I'm always waiting for the "real" situation to reveal itself.  So much so that during a conversation with a close friend we decided that I should make an appointment with my therapist to discuss the "NO DRAMA" in my life. 

My brain tells me  that this is how it was always supposed to be.  Honestly i'm still afraid to believe it fully.  I'm waiting for that moment that may very well never arrive.  You know, the one where he reveals himself to be a total asshole that just wants to use me, or control me. Or belittle me to make himself feel smarter, or hate me because I was right.  Dumb, blind......and right. 

Last night I walked around the house with the remains of a migraine still hanging in the back of my eyes and looked at how well we have blended.  It's almost as if i've always lived here - I've grown to love this home almost as much as this man.  I feel as if i've always known both.

It's me that i'm getting to know, still. 

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