Women Only

 

My daughter told me I can be really mean.  I’ve learned to filter my “honesty” into gentler words, or better, simple silence.  Years and experience have taught me silence can’t come back and embarrass you at a later date.  Anger has a way of unlocking the ugliness and it comes out BIG and unforgiving. 

 

Anger is also a waste of time at this point in my life.  It serves no purpose.

 

So, when it hits me and becomes unreasonable, I talk out loud to myself.  Crazy?  Not the talking, but probably most definitely the content.  Then it works itself into sense as it circles down and the sides become smoother……...it’s almost always the same things that bring me to anger.  I’ve had practice.  I know how this goes now.  Without knowing, I’m going to say that this is part of being an introvert.  When I try and “work it out” with another person while this anger is in my throat all I do is escalate, and then…….shut down. 

It’s funny, in a not a haha way, that I’ve had two very serious conversations recently regarding friendship and changes.  Realizations.  These conversations led me to thinking about how I feel, approach, act in my own relationships. 

The last few years have taught me that I have a circle of women that stand by me through thick and thin, even when it’s difficult, especially when it’s difficult.  That they sacrifice, do not judge, offer comfort, offer wine – laughter and tears without me even having to ask.  And when the occasion arises that I do need to ask for help, they are there without question.

Friends I haven’t seen very often, but have known for decades.  Friends that I see daily.  Women that have been my backbone when mine was jello.  Women who get angry for me when I can’t muster it myself.  Also, women who tell me to knock it the hell off. 

If you cannot be open, honest, loving- with your circle why are you in it?  If I have to hear hard truth I want it to come from someone who loves me and has my back.  If I’m in need of redirection because I’m acting a fool, I want it to come from a friend.  And they do.  They love me enough to make me angry.  They love me enough to tell truth when it hurts.

When I obsess over the past, which I do tend to do, I am reminded by them of of how far I have come.  When I want to do things that I will certainly regret, I am warned that I will regret it, and of how far I have come. 

I don’t have to change who I am or be perfect or have a perfect life.  Nor do they.  We just are who we are and we accept that and more, love that.  We celebrate the differences and rely on them. 

I do not know how any woman gets by in life without her girlfriends. 

There was a time in my life that all I had was my husband.  And look how that ended.  Even after years of isolating myself from the women in my life, they rallied and stood behind me.

 

Because that is what we do.

 

 

When my life exploded 2 years ago, it didn’t matter that I was a hot mess that could barely put a sentence together without having a breakdown.  They rallied.  They took over.  They would have tied me up in a basement to keep me away from what I thought I needed.  They gave me time to see sense.  And light.

Because that is what they do.

When I want to write about things that have been a topic in my life for entirely too long and take up too much space, they stand by me, telling me to let it go.  Make space.  Let in the light.  The past is gone and has taught me what I needed to get where I am.

 

Why write this blog when to many women it is obvious?  Because not all DO know how important our female friends are.  How they are the difference between living a life and surviving one.  Because there are actually women out there that believe “women are drama”………….if so, it’s coming from you.   Truly.  If you “get along better with men” why not just admit that you only feel special when a man is paying attention to you.  And that you are intimidated by women.  That you haven’t found your own voice yet or the strength the use it if you feel like there won’t be agreement.  Or maybe you were born a man and just need to go ahead and get that changed.  Women who degrade other women with misogynistic comments like “women are drama” and “I get along better with men” have self-esteem issues.  I feel for you and hope that one day you find your Self and find sisterhood with your female counterparts.  

I want to shout this from the rooftops.  So, YOU……say what you need to say.  Be who you are.  Love freely and without reserve.  Let your girlfriends know you love them and are there for them and BE THERE.  Be strong.