WE all know that every time I learn a new lesson I have to blog about it. My kids shouldn’t read this particular blog………fair warning it’s TMI for many but especially you.
I want a relationship. The whole relationship, the complete package – the kind that takes time to grow into. I enjoy sex as much as anyone, maybe even more than a lot. But that’s only a piece, as important as it is.
My desired relationship starts with being interested in someone, having it be reciprocal and being asked on a date- remember those? When the man interested in you would ask you to do an activity with him that didn’t involve “hanging out” or begin and end in his or your home? Remember when Men would treat you like a woman worth getting to know? With your clothes on?
Am I old fashioned or just attracting the wrong men……(make sure to answer this question MB.)
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve participated in the less than satisfying behavior due to wanting (needing?) male contact. I have a FWB situation (Not THAT old fashioned apparently) with a friend who has always been there for me, who does not want me to date anyone else BUT will not allow me to take his picture with me……..who says the relationship means more to him than FWB however has never said a word to his friends or family that he is even seeing someone. It’s an invisible relationship. At this point in my life I don’t feel like I should have to be invisible. Or settle for only part of what I want.
I’m patient. I have a full life. I can have a full relationship with a man. I can wait for what I want.
I’m okay alone, without the complications of sex. The complications being me catching feelings that aren’t appropriate or good for me or for my own growth and happiness. I’ve spent a lot of time worrying about “his” feelings in any relationship I’ve been in and fortunately i’ve learned that “he” can take care of his own feelings. I need to protect my own.
Back to the date. These guys act like they have to spend money to get a good woman and they say things like they can’t afford to take a woman out.
HERE is why you can’t afford to take a woman out: you aren’t trying to date just one woman. You aren’t making an investment in a potential life partner. You are trying to chase the excitement of getting laid by as many women as possible as if you were 16 years old and had the rest of your life ahead of you. Unless you are a millionaire, this playboy attitude of yours isn’t going to be so cute when you are 60. And the attitude that supports this lifestyle, this belief that women are disposable, isn’t going to change when you stop being healthy, and somewhat attractive. Women worth having don’t sign up to take care of tired old assholes………they stay with the ones that aged with them.
Now that I have some experience there are two things I know for sure. A man will say and act in any way you need to get you into bed. Also, a man would rather chew off his left arm than tell you that was all he wanted. Some will go so far as to try making YOU feel bad for pointing it out. A man who cares about your feelings will never discount them, however unreasonable he may feel they are. A man who was only masquerading as someone looking for a relationship will use your pointing it out as a reason to make you feel bad.
This is not original behavior but it works to make many women who have been used to feel like they are wrong, and it was somehow their own fault.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to develop a relationship through spending non sex related time together. There is nothing wrong with wanting to exchange stories, dreams and goals with someone you want to build a relationship with. The only time its “wrong” is when you are with a man who is only representing himself as wanting these things too. To get into your bed.
Look, I have nothing but respect for a man who just wants sex with no attachment and SAYS THAT. To me, that is his right to live his life as he sees fit and he’s not trying to manipulate me. Honesty goes such a long way. Does it work to get me into bed? On occasion, it has. Yes. Has it ever turned into a relationship? Nope. Was I thinking it would? Nope. Does everyone walk away happy? Yep.
Do I feel ashamed of my own sexuality? No. I’m a living breathing woman who values the joy and fun of adult life. That’s not up for anyone’s approval. However, it’s not joyful with a stranger, it’s not the whole package.
I am curious, goofy, fun, intelligent, adventurous (but afraid), loving, affectionate, doting, protective, loyal, I will get along with your family, your friends, I am comfortable in just about any situation and I have good hygiene to boot! I will make you smile when you are sad, I will make you laugh when you think you can’t. I will take care of you when you need help. I will find your backbone when you can’t. I will stand beside you, hold you up, and lay you down. I am worth the time to know. I am worth being treated well, and by that I mean with respect, care and honesty.
I have and will kick your ass to the curb faster than you can complete your ugly sentiment. I’ve dated all the wrong men……..i’ve heard it all before and I know what the motivation is. I know your kind is based in ego. Here’s the thing, I learn very fast. I can complete your very tired insults. You are not original and you are not the only choice. I’m sorry you think so, but no, I’m not sorry.
What I AM sorry about is that your sex was good, but still has you attached to it.
And I deserve so much more.
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