Walking Barefoot in Snow

 Yesterday was a good day. I got a lot of work done, actually turned my camera on for a Teams call (I don't usually) and my boss left cookies on my desk for me. He has a major sweet tooth and he told me he was going to find something sweet in the cafe, did i want anything?  I told him i was eating protein and salads, sweets didn't count. I had to run to another office to pick up my brand new official stamp, and when i came back there were two freshly baked cookies on my desk. Damn it. It's rude to turn down a gift.  Especially cookies. I'm sure it won't bust my diet. Then last night i threw a temper tantrum on the phone with my bestie because.......i had to cook dinner. I've been meal planning to eat healthy and to save money....eat purposefully.  That requires cooking dinner every night except for my planned "leftover" nights.  Last night was a chicken stir fry that required a lot of chopping and making the sauce from scratch.  I didn't feel like ...

My efforts to write daily have been pretty successful, I feel.  Religion and politics are two topics I shy away from because I feel it's very personal and not up for judgment or debate with unknown personalities.  With friends, people I respect, yes.  Do you ever feel like anything you put on the internet may come back in the future and be used against you?  I've always felt that I say what I feel and when/if that changes, I say what I feel.  I stand behind my thoughts and experiences.  But can you imagine if someone or "someones" felt that I shouldn't?   It's not unheard of, after all. Last night I sat at my dining room table and ate dinner.  I didn't sit in front of the TV, or stand at the counter (yes I do that)...I didn't sit at the butcher block in my kitchen.  I set the table, served myself, sat down and ate like a proper lady. I need to do that more often.  I need to take in the surroundings that I have put together and am st...

 I keep forgetting that not everyone is raised the same way and that different parts of the country hold different views.  I'm lucky to have been born in the Northeast to a middle-class family.  I have entitlements that many others didn't have like a fairly decent education.  I am constantly reminded of this when watching interactions in online forums, or groups.  I would actually interact with people who made comments that enraged me......and then I remembered.  You can't have an intellectual conversation with someone who already has their mind made up and cannot be open to at least thinking about new ideas. I was talking to a male friend the other night, about how people change. Everyone who has an open mind and critical thinking skills changes over time because they are exposed to new thoughts and ideas.  I'm not saying that basic moral fiber is changed, but people who can take in new information, think about whether it is true to them or could be t...

 Friday i got my signatures for sponsorship, and turned in my application to the Elks Club.  I've been wanting to join and finally motivated myself to do what needed to be done.  Now I have to go through an interview and induction if they decide i can join.  I'm looking forward to the community aspect, the ability to go somewhere and hang out and know people, and i am looking forward to becoming active in the community again. I used to volunteer to with the Lions Club, working fairs and a few events.  I wanted to join, but women had a different group within the club to join.  I wasn't down with that.  When i moved I stopped volunteering because i didn't live in that community anymore, but also, that no women rule turned me off in a big way. Yesterday i spent the day on Kevin and Cathys boat on the ocean.  It felt awesome.  I had brought my kindle and my switch....but instead we enjoyed good conversation..the day went by really fast and by the...

Did i tell you I love my job? I do. I've been here since February, after transferring out of the job from literal hell.  I lasted in that position for exactly one year and started looking to transfer 9 months in.  Before that I worked in the same position for 5 years before realizing I wasn't going anywhere so to move up, I had to move out of that department. I never used to, but now I'm always thinking a few years ahead.  What will happen "if".  I'm lucky that I work for a place where there are many many departments and choices.  But I'm getting up there in age so I'm looking for my landing spot.  I believe I've found it.  My big concern is my current boss will retire within a few years and everything could change. This morning someone I worked with in my first position with this organization came into our offices for a meeting and talked to me while he waited.  I asked after everyone, of course.  He gave me the rundown and asked if I would ...

  I spoke too soon, regarding not knowing any of the men on that facebook group "Are we dating the same man".  I was surprised, and then not surprised, to see the face of someone I had casually dated a while back.  I didn't think he was a bad guy, just not someone I would have considered getting serious about.  Anyways, I had fun with him.  It goes to show how different people click or definitely do NOT click and how both women and men can take it very personally. I know I have.  It made me think about how personally I take it.  Too personally.  I must work on that.   This weekend was amazing and overdue.  We all (2 couples and 4 singles) spent the weekend together at an airbnb in Vermont to celebrate a 50th birthday.  We cooked, ate, drank and made merry all weekend.  There was a fire pit, a hot tub, and a dart board...music, great conversations....just a general love festival.  We are such a mixed bag of nuts. I wen...

  Yesterday i had to scroll through facebook messages to find a link sent by a friend.  While doing said scrolling I saw his face.  God Damn It. I haven't thought of him for a few days and hadn't thought about NOT thinking about him.  And then this.  Fresh hurt.  He's so handsome, I can still hear his voice. ..I thought he was the guy.  I re-read the messages. (BAD GIRL) At the end, it took me a while to figure out he wasn't going to respond.  After our "misunderstanding" which was a perfect understanding that we were not coming from the same place, that was it.  Done.  I had a boundary, stood in it, and lost the guy.  (I know, I never had the guy) I struggle with mixed feelings because if I had NOT said anything we would have probably still been spending weekends together having amazing sex, laughing our asses off, talking, watching movies, etc., you know, enjoying each other.  His third-shift life and my need for time to myse...

 I don't know how long this has been around, but I accidentally stumbled on it; "Are we dating the same man" groups on Facebook.   Hy.Ster.ICAL.   What an absolutely FABULOUS idea!  These groups are serious about vetting who joins, are for women only and have a set of rules that are strictly followed or you get booted.  Anyway, the ones I'm in seem to be.   My rule is "if you put it on facebook, it will be found out" which is actually one of the warnings posted.  There will always be a risk that the man you post will find out you posted.  Its a risk many are willing to take. The point of these groups, which are usually limited to certain cities or areas, is to alert other women of potential problem men and to basically catch them out if they are cheating or behaving badly.  It's freaking GENIOUS.   I wonder if men have the same groups?  "This woman expected me to give out because she brought me to dinner"  o...

 I use a bullet journal to write down personal things, appointments, happenings, goals, etc.  I pretty much live in it since it holds everything about me at the moment and in the near future.  I don't trust anything I can't hold in my hand to be accessible when I need it.  I'm Gen X.  I don't trust much. But here, I can vent, postulate, change my mind 10 times, go back and read when I should have put my foot down, and also be kind to my process.  I'm not someone to internalize emotions, and even so, I still think my indigestion comes from staying quiet when I want to speak. I'm afraid if I stop writing this time I won't start again.  I don't think I have years available to leave blank like I've done in the past.  The thing is, a lot of what I think about is repetitive.   I don't tend to stress about my children because they are doing way better than I was at their age, then I am NOW.  Both make it happen and seem to have their lives...

 I didn't think i was going to.   My daughter sent money to my venmo account because she didn't want me riding a bus to work in this heat, and because, she said "you have lady ankles" and shouldn't be walking that far. So for a week I was transported to and from work by UBER.  Mostly it was quite nice.  I have a perfect score of 5, even though I've had this account for years.  I was mostly picked up in an upgraded vehicle with ice-cold air on....it was wonderful.  Only one ride was questionable. My friend Doug picked me up and brought me in one day, but I felt bad having him go out of his way.  On Friday, when I still had no answer from the car dealership when they would look at my car never mind fix it.......i freaked out.  So Doug came and got me, brought me to his wife Jens work where I took her vehicle so I could have wheels for the week.   By the end of day Friday, the dealership had diagnosed and fixed the expensive problem of...

 I had JUST started to lose weight when my "specialist" decided to cut me off from a prescription because her office thought my insurance had changed.   Six weeks later I have to start it all over again at the start dose because I'm literally starting at the beginning again.  That weight I has lost?  All back.  Joy. yes, most likely I will need to take a maintenance dose for the rest of my life.......is it worth it?  yes.  Without it I am hungry all the time.  My brain tells me I'm hungry, my stomach growls as if it is empty, I feel hunger pains a half hour after I've eaten.  It never used to be this way.  I hit 50 and I started noticing my appetite increasing not decreasing.  Add some stress and being raised to use food as a coping mechanism and voila!  Big weight gain at a time in my life where getting it off is nearly impossible.  The past 4 weeks have been torture, knowing I'm feeding a hormone, that I'm not starv...

Smart women do not go on dates with men they do not know without doing a little digging first. It help if a friend recommends the man, but even then, I do a shallow dive into who this man is digitally at least.   I find out a lot on a shallow dive, imagine what I, or anyone can find out on a deep one. I'm not nosy, or judgmental......but yes, discriminating.  I find out about arrests, marriages, bankruptcies....the basics.  All i'm looking for is a generic confirmation that this man is unlikely to kill or hurt me when i meet him.   So i know a LOT before i ever meet a man. Like DUI's. Like marriages. Like, live in girlfriends etc. etc. etc. The web surprisingly isn't always up to date or correct.  A search on myself shows that i'm still married to man i've been divorced from for over 20 years.  It also shows and ex boyfriend as still residing with me.....interesting.  So, don't believe everything is current.  Unless of course it's dated....

It is so HARD to get a bunch of people together for dinner, let alone trying to plan a weekend away together. You want to make sure everyone can attend but you need help to do it..... People need to make arrangements around the event if they want to go.  If not, see you at the next one.  Or....you plan the next one and we'll all show up. Is that awful or is that the Capricorn in me?   A friend is celebrating his big 50th birthday and his wife has rented a cabin in Vermont and asked me to invite everyone - We usually do this tag-team approach to situations.  It's like herding sheep sometimes.   If I was invited to a free weekend away (not all can afford to pay and that part I get) with my friends (which I have been many many many times over the years) I would jump on that.  There are ways to make your presence useful without having to worry about the expense, and literally no-one cares.  We just want to be together.  A couple of years ago...

I'm hung up on a man that has ghosted me.  *Poof gone.  My doing, considering I asked for my things and flatly refused to be a fuck buddy.   How much longer am I going to think about what happened? He didn't consider me worthy of relationship status.  I have zero interest in continuing to entertain a man who doesn't care for me back.   I mean, I keep thinking "hell, I'll take the sex with him and screw the relationship" but ......in the end that's not who I am.   His unwillingness to return messages, or talk to me on top of his desire to keep "single" status should be enough for me to move on.  I'm struggling.   It may shock some but I get asked out pretty regularly.   I'm approachable.  I smile.  I am easy to talk to.  Some think I'm attractive.   On Wednesday I'm going out with yet another new man for drinks.  I get to sit through this whole process again and try not to think about wher...