That fantasy of not worrying about my knee because it's "just" arthritis got chucked out the window last night when i took myself on a date. I went to see Paranormal Cirque by myself because i couldn't find anyone to go with me. I'm past the point of not doing something because i can't find someone to do it with me.
The ride was nice, an hour away. I left on time no one gave me attitude, and i didn't have to wait for anyone. I got in my car and went. Parking was a bit of a nightmare, but i didn't have to listen to anyone complaining about a situation i couldn't do anything about. I parked. Then I sat for a few minutes because i had been thinking about someone that i haven't talked to in a bit. I felt a little sad, but resigned. His name keeps popping up this week so.....I did what i do, and i reached out, then put my phone away. I also texted my ex to let him know i was seeing this show by myself (I used to buy him tickets to go because he liked Cirque as well) It was meant to be a cheeky fuck you ha ha.....and i think he took it as that.
Next, i began the walk, which halfway through my knee sort of "snapped" and i felt that blinding pain I have heard about. In the middle of a busy parking lot, by myself. Now what do i do. I waddle my ass the rest of the way to go stand in line with the other early losers. The pain is radiating up my leg, but i tough it out. I'm here.
It's hot, i'm in pain and i'm happy as a clam. My seat, perfection. First row of the second section on the floor (thank god) dead center of all the activity. I was under that spotlight a lot, and the show took place within an arms reach. I saw dimples up close. This show is 21+ for a reason, lots of bare bums and bending over - I talked to a friend after and told him i no longer feel as if i have never been to a strip club. Now we have a plan for him to bring me.......right. They all say that.
The show was really good, heart pounding, sexy, funny.....not so much scary. Worth the time and money.
I realized when i stood up at the end of the show that half of my bipedal body wasn't working. Literally. I stood and my left leg basically said no. Right leg said let's go! Left knee said fine, but it's going to be hell for you ........and away we waddled. Me grimacing, trying not to scream out loud, or fall on my face, or pinwheel my arms for balance. Finally got to my car and couldn't bend my leg to get it IN the vehicle. Yet, i'm still not truly alarmed.
Now comes the fun part of sitting in unmanaged traffic going nowhere. Again, no-one complaining or trying to outmaneuver everyone else. Just me, with the windows down singing along to 70's on 7, people watching. Finally hit the highway and now.....yessssss.....hair tied up, windows down, radio up, foot on gas.......flying. Singing. Feeling that happy peaceful feeling.
Until an hour later when i get home.
I can't walk. At ALL. I can only stand on my one leg and hold the car. No walking will happen without me screaming loudly. I start laughing, standing in my parking lot, wondering how the hell i'm getting in the house. I kind of hop around the car holding on for balance until i get to THE STEP. One little curb step up onto the sidewalk with nothing to hold on to. I can't. So i contemplate. And get the giggles. I have to do it, there is no choice. But....how. How without breaking something else on this body?
So i sit down on the curb and contemplate my life. No really, i try to stop snortling and giggling. Okay lets get serious. The neighbors, if any are watching, must have thought i was either drunk or having an emotional breakdown. No one came outside for which i am grateful.
Finally, i crawled on my knee and two hands...tripedal? to my stairs where i pulled myself up the stairs on my ass and into the house. Under the spotlight of my porch light. This was the real show of the night, lets be honest.
When i got in the house of course now it's no longer funny because i'm home safe. ish. Slap on a lidocaine patch (expired) suck down a few tylenol and hop around holding on to furniture and walls. What has my life become?
As i'm sitting on the side of my bed, taking my head meds, (because we all know i need them) I see a message on my phone. He responded. He is indeed alive. This makes me feel happy and still regretful. If we weren't so damaged, so mentally hurt and scarred......he could have been the one.
But, that's not how it worked out. It's strange because now, almost 7 years after my 13 year relationship with the ex expired im finally not feeling anything about it. I can talk to him, see him, think randomly about him, and not feel any pain, or regret. He's just a guy I know a lot about. They say it takes half the amount of time you were together to truly get over an ex....sounds about right.
But THIS guy, the one i never had an actual relationship with....how long will it be before i stop wondering and feeling that little ouch.
He would have wanted to drive his nice car, with the air on, and 80's rock on the radio. He might have gotten a bit aggravated with the standstill traffic, and he might have opened her up on the highway...and i would have still felt like i was flying.
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