Why i pay for it

I have wireless internet as of today.

Let me briefly explain why this is worth saying. 

We had been without cable or internet at home for about 3 years.  What i did have for a while was unlimited data through verizon which i took full advantage of by streaming netflix over my cell phone and mirroring it to the television.  For a bit.  Seems i wasn't the only one doing that and Verizon wised up and made it virtually impossible.  But that is a different story, the one of cell phones and their contribution to the decline of intimacy and subtle nuances...

Back to the cable.  Even after i was no longer able to mirror movies onto the television we were fine living without television.  More than fine.  I read a lot of books.  Shit got done.  We went out a lot.  Life happened.  I missed the morning news and the weather which i just got off the radio.  No biggie.  

Then my son moved back home.  He said there was no way he could live without internet so I invited him to fix that, which he promptly did.  For the first time i was able to use the "smart tv" we had only watched dvd's on in our bedroom.  And that was pretty much all it took.  I purchased amazon fire tv for the gigantic living room tv that was already outdated because *gasp* it wasn't wireless OR smart. I became worse than ever before when i realized that i could also purchase HBO NOW which allows you to watch all HBO shows and movies without having cable tv.  Magic.  I can do marathons like nobodies business. For a whole year we had access courtesy of my son.  I still wasn't paying for it.  He was.  So that wasn't technically me........anyways that's how i made it okay in my head.

You see- my last gunfight with the cable company happened after they dumped all the material i had recorded on the DVR player that i paid to rent each month on top of all the other stuff.  When they dumped it and i inquired how long it would take for them to "make it all come back" I was informed that they were "sorry" they couldn't do that.....I asked (screamed) if they understood that I used to be able to tape my shows on cassettes in a machine that i paid for ONCE and had forever after without further charges....they cared not.  When i told them if i had to call them one more time to "reset" my box I would charge them for the time i had to keep spending on the phone with them...they cared not. 

I cancelled them.  With glee. And after a few days we were okay again- having woken up from our tv coma.  I vowed to never again pay for something that turned our brains to mush.

I lied.

I'm weak.

My son moved into his own apartment recently and took the wi-fi with him.  

For days i felt like a drug addict.  "where's the wi-fi, how can i get the wi-fi, can i steal wi-fi, I NEED THE WI-FI"  I lost sleep, no tv to soothe me.  I wandered aimlessly through the house when i was alone missing the voices that used to keep me company - the sounds of all the Real Housewives playing in the background of my housecleaning......Music just doesn't fill the emptiness....

And oddly, i missed my streaming radio 1heartradio the most.  Pandora.  and my favorite cheat -youtube hooked into the stereo (i don't really care about the videos).  It soon became very evident that I am addicted to internet.

So we're back on it, he and I.  The router arrived today and i got it all hooked up and did the happy dance as each device declared it was "connected".  Ah.  This is the life.

Did you know Bob Ross is on Hulu?  It was the first show we watched and i felt chills running down my spine as i listened to him talk of happy trees and caressing the canvas...Let me tell you, I have a whole different take on his dialog now that i'm not taking everything literally......i think i got a little turned on.  I kid you not.  Close your eyes and listen to him sometime.....

As i write this blog i have Taxi on in the background....Jeff Conaway and Tony Danza... Remember Chico and the Man?  Or Barney Miller?  I miss those shows.  So that's something to be happy about right?  Wi-fi allows me to re-visit shows that otherwise i wouldn't be able to.  And that's a good enough reason for me to pay for it now.  

That's my story and i'm sticking to it.  

glue you

Today someone referred to me as the "social glue" that kept people together.

I wanted to tell that person I can't even arrange a soup night with my friends, let alone be considered social glue.

That's all.  Just wanted to remember someone else's perception of me.  MEMEmememememe.  told you.

Commute thoughts

A small part of me wants to apologize ahead of time to anyone who might actually read this.  I'm trying to make this a habit, this blogging thing, so that eventually I will "get used" to it and maybe even have something worth saying other than rambling.  Or not. 

This morning while i was driving in to work on my pleasant commute(mostly scenic back roads and no highways yay!) I was thinking.  Seems i do a lot of "free" thinking Monday-Friday 7am-7:30am.  Maybe because i'm not sullied from the day yet having had little contact with humans.  Pretty much it's me and the kitties in the morning and they are always very happy to see me get out of bed so they can try and kill me as i go down the stairs to feed them.  The most I get out of the man if he is still home is "Good morning, i love you, see you tonight"......and that's the long version.   He's either still in bed trying to sleep (not if i'm up buddy) or he has already left for the day.  

That would drive me insane, never knowing what time i was going in to  work until the night before.  Screw that.  I am a routined woman.  I get up at this time, brush my teeth at that time, and blah blah filler- out the door by 7am.  I know when i need to be asleep by so that i'm not a scary woman during the day.  Sleep is my antidepressant.  I will never understand people who act like it's a waste of time.  I love bed.  I love covers and pillows and softness.......sigh.  I wish i could work from bed.  eh........scratch that.    

My guy is the exact opposite.  Routine is like a punishment to him.  To me it's security.  I'm living on the wild side when we mix it up on the weekend.  It's kind of like i'd rather read about life than actually live it- and he can't sit still long enough to read because he's too busy living.  There doesn't seem to be a happy medium.  I'm not sure one is needed.

If ever there were two opposites- it is us.  Most of the time it works well but when it doesn't, it REALLY doesn't.  More about that in future entries i'm SURE.

Wanted to mention that I spent the weekend with my closest (and yet farthest away) friend Cathy.  How I love her.  A couple of hours is never enough so now we've gone into overnights and then THAT wasn't enough so now we are up to weekends.  Anyone paying attention to us would probably think we are crazy- we talk and talk and talk and are able to follow each other's lead even when we end up off track which is constantly- I joke that when we are in the nursing home together our batteries on our hearing aids will die and no-one will know because we will still be chattering at each other - perfectly happy.   Visiting her always feels like coming home.  She is the closest thing i have to family (outside of my children) because we know each other's history.  All of it.  All the good and dirty bits too.  And no matter what, time, distance, whatever- even when we don't see each other for over a year or talk to each other often- we pick up like we just saw each other yesterday.
  

So that's what i was thinking this morning, how lucky i am to have a beautiful commute to work and how grateful i am to have Cathy (Caterina I can't get used to that!) in my life.  There are many people in my life to be grateful for and only a few to suffer the presence of.  I guess that makes me a very lucky lady.

Still Thankful after all these years.......

That song keeps playing in my head , was it Paul Simon or James Taylor who sang it first?  "Still crazy after all these years"- too lazy to look it up and find out at this moment.  It's along the lines of Adele's song "Hello".  I love Adele.  I can't tell you that enough.  I don't care that "they" overplay her- her voice just.........fills me.  She makes me feel.  That's about all i require out of any music really.  Make me feel something.

And also along those lines- why do people do this to themselves?  Paul, James, Adele- why are we still lamenting on past lovers?  Can't we just let that shit go?  I mean really, if it were so wonderful why did we let it end?  Because it wasn't that good, that's why.  Retrospect makes people rosier than they were.  My opinion.  

That includes family.  (is it me or am i very choppy this morning?)  There are times, like the H.O.L.I.D.A.Y.S.........that without fail,will have me missing family I never really had.  Well, I did for a while but that was almost worse than the non family i had previously.  I get it.  I know there is no such thing as that Norman Rockwell picture, but I always wanted it. Even if it's make pretend.  Well.  not really.  

ANYWAYS-  The holidays have been improving for me every year, just like wine.  Slowly.  I no longer hold my breath waiting for someone to get punched or have someone leave the room in a huff until someone ELSE (pick that years person insert here) has to go kiss some ass before we can eat a family dinner.  But the table was ALWAYS just BEAUTIFUL.  

This is how i felt about Thanksgiving dinner then:

(Matter of fact, i probably love horror so much due to the fact that it feels a LOT like my childhood and married life.  But i digress.)

This year:

and i mean that in a totally good way.  The only thing missing for me was my children (who are no longer children) but they will make it up to me at Christmas because i'm demanding like that.  

When i opened this page to begin a blog this morning i was going to write about what i'm grateful for- because you know, all the kids are doing it now.  I ran off track immediately, per usual.  However, now i'm reviewing the disjointed blog above I see that at least one thing i'm grateful for is in fact documented here. 

Let the holidays begin.  

I make you sick. Too.

A good way to put me in a bitchy mood is to tell me how I made you sick with a cold. Every time you see me. Even if it was five minutes ago.

You know who made me sick? Someone. I don't know who. I'm positive now they did it on purpose to ruin my fun. I wish I could give them death stares so acute they could read my mind. Just like you have been giving me.

Everyone gets sick. It was your turn. Don't tell me I made you sick again or i will make sure there is never a chance of that happening "because of me" again.

Now go blow your nose and then pass me the cough drops.

It's you not everyone else

but seriously, why?

I've done this before and although i'm a big believer in never looking back i find myself once again considering blogging.  What does that say about me that every year or so I write a blithe blog and then move along to forgetting about it?  Honestly there was a time when i might post twice a day.  I actually have some of that old blog printed out somewhere.......i should probably find it. 

So here's the thing.  Blogs + Me = memememememeME!  I start out with the best of intentions- i'm (see?) going to comment on world events (Ha!), social injustices, or expand on a single thought....i'm quite good at that one actually.  I can make a single thought into a whole argument.  Just ask anyone who has ever lived with me.  The point here is that it feels pretty narcissistic to write daily for a blog that people might read about what's going on in my head at the moment.  Really.  Who the fuck cares?  Much of the time, i don't even care.  Just that statement alone sounds like "oh, please.  pay attention to me and my thoughts and make me significant".  Because if i'm (doing it again) to be honest, that's what i'm thinking when i'm reading other blogs about 90% of the time.  It's all very well written and grammatically correct and cohesive- and i don't give a shit.

I have a filthy mouth.  I notice that occasionally and I think I should probably curb it.  Ah, fuck it.  

Sigh.  I also say things that make people close to me angry.  Because basically i have a habit of talking shit when i'm talking to myself which is what i'm doing when i'm blogging.  I'm sure i've made people not close to me angry too but i don't care about them.  There.  I said it and i stand behind it till proven wrong.  If i don't know you, I don't care if i make you angry.  Maybe i annoy you or you don't care for my views or how i might communicate them, but I shouldn't have the capability of making you ANGRY....you need to get a life.  However my family....my friends.....my loved ones- I don't wish to anger or hurt you.  I really don't.  There have been occasions where i have done that previously.  I can be an angry blogger.  I am also a sappy, happy, bewildered, sassy, new agey, downright dirty blogger.  I'm not sure what category to be placed in.  I like that.  Fuck labels.  

Definitely adult content.  Sorry kiddies. This ain't no Disney Channel. 

Oh yeah, i forgot.  I'm snide.  

Sarcastic.

Drama - for pussies anyhow.

Inappropriate?  Not purposely.  I don't think I.S.I.S is appropriate either........so the parameters are pretty vague here. 

If i were getting paid to do this I would make sure to keep it nice an neat and with a point.  Since this is basically for MEMEMEMEMEME and anyone interested in the ravings of a 47 year old white woman in Connecticut, I don't have to be neat and clean.  There's your warning, albeit a gentle one.  Let's see where this takes me.  Us?  Me.