How does one meet single men outside of work, (still a no no for me) and class (slightly immoral considering age differences). One (This one) creates a profile on a dating website and gets bombarded with "hi" "how are you" "you are pretty" from men who do not in any way match what I said I am looking for in my "application". Once in a while, I am able to find a man who fits the criteria, as basic as it is, and who's profile appears to be looking for.......well, me.
I actually LOOK at what these men are writing in their profiles, and READ what they say they are searching for in a woman. I was not aware that many men don't bother reading women's profiles and go on looks alone.........which brings me to my first "WTF".
FIRST WTF - I post several recent pictures with comments below explaining and DATEs that show what kind of activities i enjoy and that I actually smile and laugh quite a bit. My pictures are recent, they are OF ME and they show what i look like. No surprises- here I am, all of me.
SECOND WTF - I took the time to write out what i'm about, and what i'm looking for. I used complete sentences and many open ended opportunities for discussion. Why is every conversation the SAME with DIFFERENT men? Do they follow the same questionnaire? Do they think one worded statements makes a conversation? Especially when HE contacted ME? Every once in a while, I get an actual individual who takes time and actually writes TO ME after reading my profile and seeing that it matches his interests.......
THIRD WTF - Having a great conversation through the website turns into the exchanging of phone numbers which normally begins a text dialogue until someone suggests speaking on the phone. Side note, Pictures do matter to me- the ability to complete sentences matters to me, and voice timber matters to me........also, smell but I'm getting ahead of myself. These conversations usually go into more depth because at this point i have been asked to go out. It's worth the investment with the idea that I am getting to know this man i am interested in and who appears to be interested in me. A lot of times the more i talk with someone the less interested in am. I'm sure it's a two way street. We find there is no real vibe and it kind of just drops away. No long explanation, no excuses, it just fades naturally due to a lack of interest. This is part of the experience and it is extremely common. However, once in a while i begin talking with someone who i cannot get enough of, everything he says makes me want to know more and he seems to be having the same trip with me. In the end its all about the communication, the mental connection. Then the day of the date comes.
FOURTH WTF - I've been on uncomfortable dates. I know, he knows, everyone around us knows- this is not a match. My rule is that i will go for drinks or coffee on the first meet. I feel like this cuts down the pressure of having to sit for hours with someone out of courtesy. A drink can be 15 minutes or several hours. I have not yet had a 15 minute drink, because even when i realize it's not a romantic match, at least the guy is friendly and we've already determined we can TALK to each other. So it's a nice time. IF there is a connection, you know that feeling, I consider this the time to lay the groundwork, the foundation. If there is a wife or girlfriend in the picture, it's a great time to mention it to me and still have me think you are okay, if not relationship material. YET, men have been ingratiating, flirtatious and downright touchy with me knowing full well that they have someone waiting at home. These are the real assholes of internet dating. And there are a lot. Then there are the ones that click, the ones that just fit - like you've known each other forever. These guys are really nice and easy to talk with but that fire isn't there. That tension. I've been on those dates too and again, not a waste of time. ONCE in a GREAT while I meet someone who makes me feel like I want them in my head, and in my body. Sorry to be abrupt about it, but that is the feeling in its rawness. I know hot men i'd like to play with, but I am that woman who needs your mind first - and so......that limits me in my already limited way.
Very recently i met a man that I spent a lot of time talking with, and we went on our first date which I felt was as close to perfect as anyone can get on a first date. And that leads me to -
FINAL WTF - He texted me after the date, said he had a great time, would i like to go out again? I said yes and that was the last i heard from him. We went from 100mph to zero overnight. And no, i did not sleep with him. He didn't even give me a goodnight kiss after walking me to my car, and i took it for shyness.
It's okay to change your mind, everyone does, sometimes for the smallest of reasons. I have. But I let that person know out of common courtesy so they were not left hanging in the wind. I've heard of this happening to other women too and it's the absolute worst part of internet dating. The drudgery of weeding through all kinds of men looking for the one that may be for you, the meets that determine there is no connection, that is to be expected. But when you DO make a connection with someone and they just disappear - That really sucks. It makes you lose your footing and question yourself.
But life goes on and there's more to it than dating. I'm not on a mission but i'm aware and my eyes are open. I'd like to be in a happy relationship and share my life with a man. I don't "need" a man, however, as uncool as it is to say, i do in fact want one. Not just any one. My one. And maybe that is a fantasy, maybe 80's movies really did screw me up. But i'm willing to wait rather than settle.
I actually LOOK at what these men are writing in their profiles, and READ what they say they are searching for in a woman. I was not aware that many men don't bother reading women's profiles and go on looks alone.........which brings me to my first "WTF".
FIRST WTF - I post several recent pictures with comments below explaining and DATEs that show what kind of activities i enjoy and that I actually smile and laugh quite a bit. My pictures are recent, they are OF ME and they show what i look like. No surprises- here I am, all of me.
SECOND WTF - I took the time to write out what i'm about, and what i'm looking for. I used complete sentences and many open ended opportunities for discussion. Why is every conversation the SAME with DIFFERENT men? Do they follow the same questionnaire? Do they think one worded statements makes a conversation? Especially when HE contacted ME? Every once in a while, I get an actual individual who takes time and actually writes TO ME after reading my profile and seeing that it matches his interests.......
THIRD WTF - Having a great conversation through the website turns into the exchanging of phone numbers which normally begins a text dialogue until someone suggests speaking on the phone. Side note, Pictures do matter to me- the ability to complete sentences matters to me, and voice timber matters to me........also, smell but I'm getting ahead of myself. These conversations usually go into more depth because at this point i have been asked to go out. It's worth the investment with the idea that I am getting to know this man i am interested in and who appears to be interested in me. A lot of times the more i talk with someone the less interested in am. I'm sure it's a two way street. We find there is no real vibe and it kind of just drops away. No long explanation, no excuses, it just fades naturally due to a lack of interest. This is part of the experience and it is extremely common. However, once in a while i begin talking with someone who i cannot get enough of, everything he says makes me want to know more and he seems to be having the same trip with me. In the end its all about the communication, the mental connection. Then the day of the date comes.
FOURTH WTF - I've been on uncomfortable dates. I know, he knows, everyone around us knows- this is not a match. My rule is that i will go for drinks or coffee on the first meet. I feel like this cuts down the pressure of having to sit for hours with someone out of courtesy. A drink can be 15 minutes or several hours. I have not yet had a 15 minute drink, because even when i realize it's not a romantic match, at least the guy is friendly and we've already determined we can TALK to each other. So it's a nice time. IF there is a connection, you know that feeling, I consider this the time to lay the groundwork, the foundation. If there is a wife or girlfriend in the picture, it's a great time to mention it to me and still have me think you are okay, if not relationship material. YET, men have been ingratiating, flirtatious and downright touchy with me knowing full well that they have someone waiting at home. These are the real assholes of internet dating. And there are a lot. Then there are the ones that click, the ones that just fit - like you've known each other forever. These guys are really nice and easy to talk with but that fire isn't there. That tension. I've been on those dates too and again, not a waste of time. ONCE in a GREAT while I meet someone who makes me feel like I want them in my head, and in my body. Sorry to be abrupt about it, but that is the feeling in its rawness. I know hot men i'd like to play with, but I am that woman who needs your mind first - and so......that limits me in my already limited way.
Very recently i met a man that I spent a lot of time talking with, and we went on our first date which I felt was as close to perfect as anyone can get on a first date. And that leads me to -
FINAL WTF - He texted me after the date, said he had a great time, would i like to go out again? I said yes and that was the last i heard from him. We went from 100mph to zero overnight. And no, i did not sleep with him. He didn't even give me a goodnight kiss after walking me to my car, and i took it for shyness.
It's okay to change your mind, everyone does, sometimes for the smallest of reasons. I have. But I let that person know out of common courtesy so they were not left hanging in the wind. I've heard of this happening to other women too and it's the absolute worst part of internet dating. The drudgery of weeding through all kinds of men looking for the one that may be for you, the meets that determine there is no connection, that is to be expected. But when you DO make a connection with someone and they just disappear - That really sucks. It makes you lose your footing and question yourself.
But life goes on and there's more to it than dating. I'm not on a mission but i'm aware and my eyes are open. I'd like to be in a happy relationship and share my life with a man. I don't "need" a man, however, as uncool as it is to say, i do in fact want one. Not just any one. My one. And maybe that is a fantasy, maybe 80's movies really did screw me up. But i'm willing to wait rather than settle.
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