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5 Things I need that I will never apologize for


I read a lot of articles and books, watch a lot of Ted talks and relationship videos on youtube, and even follow self proclaimed therapists on TikTok and Instagram Reels......mostly because i find intimate relationships confusing and stressful, often disappointing and frustrating.  I have spent so much of my life trying to figure out the men I have been involved with.....how do i keep them happy, faithful, interested...how do i make them want me back, love me back, care for me back?  I still have no idea and that's just fine. I don't have a problem entertaining myself, being loyal, loving myself, being kind and taking care of me.  I am an independent, loving, 100% loyal, and passionate woman.  I've done the work, i continue to do the work, and will always work on improving myself.  

I only need to know what I want out of a relationship.  WE need to decide if our wants add up.  I'm still going to be me, he's still going to be him.  We aren't going to be joined at the hip, and no-one is going to be wondering what their status in this relationship is.  

Here are 5 basic things that i need, non-negotiable.  Some men will think it's too much, and those men aren't for me.  Some men will think most is just common courtesy, and some they don't agree with.  Those men are not for me.  These are my basic needs, not wants, and I never ask for something i won't give in return.  

 I need you to verbally communicate your feelings for me such as, I care about you or you are important to me. I am not a mind reader.  I need to know where i stand with you.  I consciously make my feelings known about you so you know where you stand.  

I need you to initiate communication and time together, not just respond to my requests.  Relationships are a two way street.  I don't play games of "i texted last" or I have no idea when we will get together again.  A man who doesn't make time, isn't interested in me. 

I need consistency.  If you are not able to communicate or spend time with me in a consistent way, you need to be able to explain why.  When someone is inconsistent, I can't feel secure and know where i stand.  I am not a "good morning" "good night" texter, it's too much stress in real life and it means nothing other than it being a habit.  If i don't hear from you for days on end....you aren't into me.  Please see need #1.

I need you to be willing to process after a disagreement, not punish me by giving me the silent treatment, avoiding me, or pretending it never happened.   When we can't have conflict resolution we just end carrying resentment for each other. Life happens, people don't always agree and sometimes wants are different.  Compromise, discuss, apologize if necessary and move on.  

I need you to express interest about me and my life.  I am not just a mirror for you.  Mutual interest is required in order to feel seen.  If i tell you something about me, it's because i want you to know me.  I don't want to be just anyone filling an empty space.  We either vibe or we don't, but the only way to know if we do, is to know each other.  Good, bad and ugly.

I found someone i want a relationship with and immediately found myself conveniently ignoring some of my basic needs.  It's not his fault if he doesn't know, so i'll make sure he does.  


Also, i need to be in a relationship, not a situationship.  Relationships are unique to each couple and should be what works for both of them, not held up to anyone else's standards or scrutiny.  However, if one cares and the other doesn't (situationship)....that's not something any sane person signs up for.  I'm not interested.  I need the intimacy, the safety and protection from a man i plan on giving my time to.



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