it's working

I no longer feel like a bottomless pit.  I no longer feel nauseous all day, nor am i getting up in the middle of the night to vomit.  I went off the Ozempic, had a month of stuffing my face like an out of control maniac, and now, I'm on Mounjaro.

There are people who think drugs are not needed to lose weight, and I would agree.  However, I'm not someone who can stand the constant feelings of hunger no matter how much I eat.  I don't get full.  Even when I was a child, my mother used to say she never knew I was sick until I was REALLY sick because I never stopped eating.

I've had a lifelong struggle with food, even though I was not overweight until I became pregnant with my son.  During that pregnancy I gained 70 pounds and I did not loose that "baby weight" until he was 12 years old..........I went on weight watchers and it took me 18 months to lose it.  And I lost more than I needed to......i kept going.  To the point where friends were telling me they were concerned.

I didn't have an eating disorder.  I had a bad marriage and was going through a divorce.  The divorce diet just happened to tag on to the end of my purposeful diet.

I kept the weight off for over a decade, and never really thought about what I was eating.  I didn't feel like I was starving, nor did I feel the need to eat everything in the house.  I was a normal eater.  I didn't start gaining weight until I injured my knee, quit smoking, had a mini nervous breakdown, and then went through a breakup within 2 years.

And then, the weight just kept coming.  Slowly and surely.  I'd go through periods of trying different things, lose some weight, and then gain it all back and more.

I had watched my mother do this while I was growing up.  She would be HUGE and then she would look like a skeleton.  Then she would be huge again.  My mother was a tall and large woman.  There was nothing small about her even when she was skelator.  I look like a munchkin in comparison.  I would have loved the height, but I'm grateful I didn't get her overall largeness.

No.....i get the short and fat genes from god knows where.

Regardless.  It seems that I have inherited my mothers continuous struggle with weight loss.  Or at least, the way she deals with life.

I'm beginning to correlate stress with overeating.  But, I'm not stressed.  So.......wtf?

I'm 56 so age is a huge factor, however, my appetite should be diminishing, not increasing, with age.

so there's that.

I'm keeping an open mind, trying to identify when I seem to run to food (because it takes calories to gain no matter what the reason) and then maybe I can handle the emotional eating.

For now, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the medication will assist my bottomless pit feeling. So far, on the lowest dose, I'm feeling the difference.  My goal is to fit into size 10.  Thats my happy, steady, normal place ...where I was for many many years.  I've been size 8 and even 6 but that was when people said I looked sick.

so it's not a specific weight I'm going for, it's a size.

Not a new years resolution.  Its a life adjustment.  For me.  And only me.