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and one more thing

Shenanigans is what i named the chat group I started during Covid.  It was quite popular for a while, and a lot of fun.  People joined, and left, joined and left........but there was always "the core" who survived the drama and more drama that some created and lived on.

The chat group no longer exists (well, it does but its now run by someone else and I have no idea who is a member) but the core does.  We try to get together at least once a month, and have gone away together on long weekends.  We now call ourselves "la familia". 

All but one of us met in July of 2021 for the first time in person.  It was memorable for many reasons.....one being that I came face to face with the man who once canceled a date with me because he saw a picture of "my size".  He was polite about it....he said "I'm sorry, but I'm not attracted to big women so there is no point in meeting".  The night of our first group gathering I watched him watch me and regret his polite dismissal.  HA.  We have become friends, he is one of 8 in our familia......but I have enjoyed teasing him through the years.  Eat your words.  No second chances.  

This past weekend we all got together for our holiday gathering.  The vibe started off strange because a couple arrived arguing.  We all ignored it and pretended not to know, but it was......uncomfortable.  Not to mention, this seems to be frequent.  And she cries.  A lot.

Reminds me of myself at one point.  I do not like public displays, and my ex didn't seem to have a problem with it.  It's mortifying.  For a long time I would be a wreck because we would always fight before a party or gathering and I would spend the evening being upset and trying not to be.  The last year, I would piss him off because I no longer gave a shit.  I'd walk into a party and completely forget what had occurred moments before we arrived.  I would ditch him at the door and go have fun with my friends like he didn't exist.  

Anyhoo.....it's a throwback to watch people fight when you know there are issues.  I felt trapped in their situation as much as we all pretended not to know.  

And THEN, Mr. Bill, the one that isn't attracted to fatty's....He seemed to have this fascination with touching my hair all night.  We are all very close, so no big deal.........just........different.  Not sure what he expected from me, but nothing is what he got.  I wondered later if I was supposed to respond differently.

We played cards against humanity x rated version mixed in with the regular version and all was going well.  We were all having a good time being stupid.  Then, Mr. Bill decides to make a big announcement......"for this card lets not play the game, lets identify who in this room this card resembles"....and I knew immediately I was the target.  

I  tried to find the card later but couldn't.  It said something about being a hot mess.  I automatically spoke up and said, well that's ME.  and everyone laughed and we moved on........but honestly, I was hurt.  THEN I thought about the hot mess theory....yes, there is one.....that the more intelligent a person is, the less coherent their behavior tends to be.  

So fuck you Mr. dumbass Bill.  I'm smart enough not to discount someone's worth based on their weight so I don't have to lust after them for years because they are so much fun yet never standing a chance. After all, you wasted yours. 

There. 

Now I can move on.


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