Skip to main content

and one more thing

Shenanigans is what i named the chat group I started during Covid.  It was quite popular for a while, and a lot of fun.  People joined, and left, joined and left........but there was always "the core" who survived the drama and more drama that some created and lived on.

The chat group no longer exists (well, it does but its now run by someone else and I have no idea who is a member) but the core does.  We try to get together at least once a month, and have gone away together on long weekends.  We now call ourselves "la familia". 

All but one of us met in July of 2021 for the first time in person.  It was memorable for many reasons.....one being that I came face to face with the man who once canceled a date with me because he saw a picture of "my size".  He was polite about it....he said "I'm sorry, but I'm not attracted to big women so there is no point in meeting".  The night of our first group gathering I watched him watch me and regret his polite dismissal.  HA.  We have become friends, he is one of 8 in our familia......but I have enjoyed teasing him through the years.  Eat your words.  No second chances.  

This past weekend we all got together for our holiday gathering.  The vibe started off strange because a couple arrived arguing.  We all ignored it and pretended not to know, but it was......uncomfortable.  Not to mention, this seems to be frequent.  And she cries.  A lot.

Reminds me of myself at one point.  I do not like public displays, and my ex didn't seem to have a problem with it.  It's mortifying.  For a long time I would be a wreck because we would always fight before a party or gathering and I would spend the evening being upset and trying not to be.  The last year, I would piss him off because I no longer gave a shit.  I'd walk into a party and completely forget what had occurred moments before we arrived.  I would ditch him at the door and go have fun with my friends like he didn't exist.  

Anyhoo.....it's a throwback to watch people fight when you know there are issues.  I felt trapped in their situation as much as we all pretended not to know.  

And THEN, Mr. Bill, the one that isn't attracted to fatty's....He seemed to have this fascination with touching my hair all night.  We are all very close, so no big deal.........just........different.  Not sure what he expected from me, but nothing is what he got.  I wondered later if I was supposed to respond differently.

We played cards against humanity x rated version mixed in with the regular version and all was going well.  We were all having a good time being stupid.  Then, Mr. Bill decides to make a big announcement......"for this card lets not play the game, lets identify who in this room this card resembles"....and I knew immediately I was the target.  

I  tried to find the card later but couldn't.  It said something about being a hot mess.  I automatically spoke up and said, well that's ME.  and everyone laughed and we moved on........but honestly, I was hurt.  THEN I thought about the hot mess theory....yes, there is one.....that the more intelligent a person is, the less coherent their behavior tends to be.  

So fuck you Mr. dumbass Bill.  I'm smart enough not to discount someone's worth based on their weight so I don't have to lust after them for years because they are so much fun yet never standing a chance. After all, you wasted yours. 

There. 

Now I can move on.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Let's talk about Mr. Racecar

 I admit it.  I am a little bit excited about meeting Mr. Racecar.   He's younger- 53 He's taller, and bigger than me He has tats, bald head and long beard He builds cars/trucks and drag races - own his shop which is attached to his home.  ONE is a Camaro.  It sounds NASTY. He lives an hour away Now......here's what happens in my head:  What the hell could this man possibly see in me?  Why would he want to meet me?  He- owns a Harley but hasn't ridden it in a few years due to a car accident that left him unable to walk again until recently. He is a typical male in that some of his talk tries to lead me down the "lets talk about sex, baby, lets talk about you and me" side of things, which I have successfully diverted without him losing interest. I'm looking to date, to find the man I want to have a relationship with, not a situationship. And then I had to explain what a situationship is because he has only just started dating again, and he is ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Secrets

 Yesterday I found myself telling someone something about my life that I had not planned on sharing.  We don't really talk too much about our past relationships.  We aren't there yet and i don't know that it's really important.  It's not a race to the finish line.  There is time.   This was just the natural time to share the information. I have very few regrets in my life, some things i may have done differently, but even so, without regret.  Everything has brought me to who i am today.  This got me thinking of how much I've changed, that i would not even put the energy into defending anything I've done because i don't have to, and because i don't want to, or need to.  This also brought to mind how often judgement used to rule my world, and how I felt about myself. I married very young, to my high school boyfriend.  For many reasons, all i ever wanted (in my wisdom of 21 years) was to get married, have babies, and live happily ever ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »