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goes around?

 i made one of my silly tik toks talking about someone I was once close with and apparently he saw it because he sent me a "sorry" text.

I felt bad for about 2 minutes and then I realized I was neatly falling into old patterns with him.  He would do something that I didn't appreciate and made me feel bad, I would speak up (hoping he would understand and maybe not keep doing it to me) and then HE would get mad, or hurt.  I'd end up apologizing for making him feel, and i'd walk away completely confused and upset.

I don't do that anymore.

Now, when someone acts in a way that is questionable, or makes me uncomfortable - I use my words and if they aren't interested in having an adult conversation where we express our point of views and come to an understanding .......I'm all set with that.  

Sometimes how someone feels isn't at all what you expected, but needed to hear.  

I can honestly say I have never wanted to make any man involved with me feel bad.  I've tried to communicate how I feel so he can either confirm I am correct, or explain that's not correct.  

Words go a long way.

Anyway.........i ended up apologizing to him and letting him know how I felt, which led to him not responding.  Same pattern.  MY same pattern.......He could have been genuine in his apology and probably was.  He seems to have grown as a person.  But my reaction to him is the same.  Self defense.

I can take accountability for my part in our demise, because I know with him my trigger was sensitive.  But that was then, and this is now and I'm trying to do better in the future and sometimes that means accepting your faults in the past.

So, I apologized, just like I always did.  And then I explained, like I always did.  And he did not respond, like he always did.  Only this time.........it was okay.  

I'm okay. 


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