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Son of a Biatch

Anxiety surrounding my soon to be home hunting has hit an all time high.  What in the world makes me think I can purchase my own home?  I checked out my credit report........again......and while it has improved again it also gave me the ability to see any derogatory credit i have.

Guess what?!  

Son of a bitch.  Two black marks slashed across my credit.  I paid them both 10 minutes later.  However, that stays on your report and it also takes up to 90 days to be shown as reconciled so i'm told.  Is it time for a meltdown or should i just wait till i'm denied?

I have dreams that i'm going to end up living in a mobile home in a trailer park.......Listen, i have nothing against that, it's just not my goal.  Even a condo is kind of stretching my "awful damn close to neighbors" fear.  But, i guess when you are single living alone its not a bad thing to have neighbors close.

I hate change. (except when it comes to my hair, haha)  I suck at it.  When i make a big change in my personal life its usually after a LOT of thought and stewing in the pro's and con's.  This experience should be exciting and I should be looking forward to it.  Should being key here.

So it's time for an attitude adjustment.  Get it in gear MB.  Get happy about something you have little control over.  Again.  Fuck me.  

In other news..........There appears to be some match making going on.  I've been renting a room in a large home from my biffle and her husband and they are having some work done to the house.  The guy doing the work is divorced.  He's there on the weekends, and SO AM I....which makes us soulmates, right?  I'm embarrassed because this man sees me in my robe finding my way to the coffee first thing in the morning.  In other words, he sees me at my absolute worst in appearance and attitude.  I'm not holding my breath on the getting asked out by him thing.  I do like him once i've showered and gotten fairly human and can see straight.  He smiles easy, laughs a lot and jokes.  Last weekend he told us about his online dating experiences and i did feel like he was a kindred spirit for a few minutes.  

If he asks me I will go out with him and see what he's about.   However, i have forbidden anyone from instigating the situation.  No more fucking Cupids.  I want a man who knows what he wants, and if that's me - come and get me.  Otherwise, i've got a great hookup for when i need work done on the condo I will probably never get!





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