Memorial Day weekend, in past years, has been one where "we" would all go to the New Hampshire house and spend the weekend together. We'd go riding on the bikes one day, picnic at the lake with the kayaks the next - go to flee markets......sit by a huge bonfire at night, drinking, eating, laughing...being quiet. It was one of my favorite places on this earth and the people i spent the weekend with, some of my favorite people.
But that was then. And while its okay for me to remember and smile- that time has passed. I'm glad to have had it. The rule up there on that property is that its the men that are constants and the women- well, they change. There was always the core group for as long as i had ever been going- the long timers, I was the newbie. He had never brought anyone (female) there before me. So of course because i like to punish myself, all I could think about this weekend was "Is he there with her?"
Here's the funny part. I don't care if HE was, I care that she would be with my friends. I'm not sure if thats progress or regression. After the first year i don't think it was ever about him and I getting away together anyways. It was about going away with our friends. He spent time with the men, and I spent time with the women. Even at night we never went to sleep together after the first year. In the beginning he made it a nice ride- i loved the ride to and back because he would talk. We would have conversations. Hold hands. Laugh, listen to the radio. We always knew when we passed over state lines, and i think we had hit every rest stop both ways..........But that was then.
I thought thinking about it would ruin my weekend and i kept trying to avoid it. I started getting a bitchy feeling and finally i gave in and just remembered all the good times. We had a lot there, with people we both love. And i can smile when i think about it, and not try to forget. These would be "keeper" memories. He wasn't always an asshole. He just couldn't keep his dick in his pants.
SO THIS WEEKEND we went to the beach and campground. We being my bestie of over 40 (never telling how much over 40) and her family. It was dreary, cold, windy....and i could care less. I frankly love the beach when no one is there much better. It reminds me how small i am, how powerless to the tides.....the ocean will always be. That makes me feel happy in a world where everything is temporary. Time to start new traditions.
But that was then. And while its okay for me to remember and smile- that time has passed. I'm glad to have had it. The rule up there on that property is that its the men that are constants and the women- well, they change. There was always the core group for as long as i had ever been going- the long timers, I was the newbie. He had never brought anyone (female) there before me. So of course because i like to punish myself, all I could think about this weekend was "Is he there with her?"
Here's the funny part. I don't care if HE was, I care that she would be with my friends. I'm not sure if thats progress or regression. After the first year i don't think it was ever about him and I getting away together anyways. It was about going away with our friends. He spent time with the men, and I spent time with the women. Even at night we never went to sleep together after the first year. In the beginning he made it a nice ride- i loved the ride to and back because he would talk. We would have conversations. Hold hands. Laugh, listen to the radio. We always knew when we passed over state lines, and i think we had hit every rest stop both ways..........But that was then.
I thought thinking about it would ruin my weekend and i kept trying to avoid it. I started getting a bitchy feeling and finally i gave in and just remembered all the good times. We had a lot there, with people we both love. And i can smile when i think about it, and not try to forget. These would be "keeper" memories. He wasn't always an asshole. He just couldn't keep his dick in his pants.
SO THIS WEEKEND we went to the beach and campground. We being my bestie of over 40 (never telling how much over 40) and her family. It was dreary, cold, windy....and i could care less. I frankly love the beach when no one is there much better. It reminds me how small i am, how powerless to the tides.....the ocean will always be. That makes me feel happy in a world where everything is temporary. Time to start new traditions.
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