Skip to main content

patience, patience

You know how you think something is going to be quick and easy and you are completely wrong?  Yeah, that is me.  Always.  I should know to add about 6 months minimum to any "weekend" project i think i'm going to accomplish.

But it's okay.  Anything good is worth waiting for. 

I just need a few more hours in the day, and eventually i'm going to have that.  Just not now.  I'm trying to stock up on supplies that will be needed on those snow days I am "stuck" at home......hahahaha "stuck"......i'm actually wishing for snow.  Shhhhh.  All day in the house to work on my projects with loud music accompanied by horrid singing and bad dancing.....sounds lovely to me.  That or chanting monks and lit candles.....who knows.  Like Bobbie sang, it's my prerogative.

And food.  I'm making my list of food to stock up on for the marathon cooking and freezing i have planned, in my head.

This week i'm going to attack the mysterious freezer in the basement that i'm told works but hasn't been used in years.  I'm also told it smells bad.  Soooooo.....thats gonna be fun.  But I am the woman who as a kid spent summers in Florida cleaning out refrigerators and hunting lizards.....My grandfather had a business where he picked up broken refrigerators and fixed them to re-sell. This was his version of retirement.  Stinky refrigerators and freezers aren't my favorite but it brings back some fond memories and feelings for me.  I'll just have to hold my breath and de-stink it. 

My baby boy turns 27 this week.  I think that may make me cry.  Again.  And then my first born turns 29.  More crying.  I'm so proud of both of them - of the adults they have become.  I'm not getting any older though, just so that is clear.

Happy Thanks giving to those who celebrate it.  I like it so much i'm going to do it a couple of times this year. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...