Matt, oh Matt. How could you? First it was Kevin, then Louie and now you.
I guess i don't understand what it's like to be a man. Or to raise a man like you - because i'm QUITE sure that my son hasn't and wouldn't act like any of you. He was raised by me.
I talk to him, have always talked to him AND my daughter about topics that many shy away from, or "protect" children from. The kind of protection that allows someone to victimize your children because they don't know how to respond to a predators advances. BUT Pedophilia is a completely separate topic and should not be assumed to be part of my thought process at this moment. There are people out there having a hard time distinguishing the difference between victimizing a child, or an able minded adult.(Kevin??)
Men/anyone who is using their power or position to force women/anyone into a situation they are forced into, need to pay a price for their behavior. Because, it's all about money, right?
It should be about having respect for people, INCLUDING yourself - that you would never need to exert power over someone not of your status. Frankly, that doesn't seem to be very difficult or a challenge.....seems to be for very weak minded people looking for an easy way to take out their issues. Like wife beaters. And there I go, off the track again..........
Why is there so much shitty behavior? Is it natural? Are we trying to make men pay a price for being who they naturally are? Is that a fair question? Because it feels like everyone knows it's not okay to sexually harass women/anyone and yet.....it still happens. Frequently. And it's not just supervisors, bosses, or heads of companies doing it - we just hear about that.
I haven't been sexually harassed as an adult - by my definition, however another women/anyone might feel differently. I've been to the sexual harassment training that the state of CT says managers of people must go to........and frankly it was a crock of shit. Their definition, at least when i took the training over 10 years ago was "anything" can be considered sexual harassment if it makes someone uncomfortable.
So. Now i'm going to free style my thoughts as i usually do when writing here- I've been uncomfortable a LOT over my lifetime. I would like all the bosses that made me thus to be fired. Right now. Today.
That isn't going to happen. I'm not making light of the accusations women/people are laying against the celebrities that have been outed, but i am calling attention to the fact that if we are going to do this, lets DO THIS. Like, that burger king manager that liked to grab my ass and nuzzle my neck? Find him. Fire him. OR that manager at the call center that like to call me into his office and talk dirty to me, and suggest that if i was nice to him I would be promoted........
Hasn't every women been harassed in some way?
And men aren't changing because we call them out on it, or publicize it, or fire them.
Maybe the only way we can change this pattern is to start with our children. The ones we gave birth to, the ones we work with, the ones we interact with at all. Maybe we need to empower our children from birth, talk to them. Frankly.
When i was in high school there was a boy that put his hand out on my chair, palm up, as i was sitting down. I sat on his hand and promptly stood up, turned around and slapped him so hard the whole class heard it, including the teacher who was ........male. I was punished with an after school suspension and he was not punished.
The message that was sent by my SCHOOL was that I was not allowed to defend or stand up for myself. The message sent to him was that it's okay to do that to a girl.
We cannot blame grown men, who have grown up in a society where it's ignored or approved to harass girls/people when they do it to women/people.
We can't look the other way when we see this happening as our kids play on the playground.
We have to raise them to know that not only is not okay to harass anyone, it is ALSO okay to defend yourself. With a slap, or a loud voice, or a quiet telling to an adult.
I'm gonna get some people mad - but i'm a woman and i don't feel second to any man, and would never act like it. If a man suggested I "be nice" to him to get a promotion, I will tell him to stick his crutch up his ass. Prove i said it. Try to fire me. Do not fuck with me.
If a boy cops an uninvited feel of my ass while in class, i will slap the shit out of him.
If a man on the street says something to me - I ignore it. I don't have to interact with him. OR if i felt it was that offensive I could tell him off. Most women would be telling men off all day if that was a solution.
Do i have a perfect answer. No. My opinion is that we need to stop the great division between men and women. Women need to stop accepting that we are "weak" and need someone else to defend us when confronted with ugly situations. We need to be part of the solution by standing up for ourselves IMMEDIATELY and completely. Even if that means the career we are working on may be affected - what is more important? Our kids can have both without thought if we do the dirty work of making it that way for them. OR. we can continue to take the passive in the moment role.
I'm not victim blaming. I'm saying if everyone who is being harassed - not just people who can publicize it - stops taking it and stands up for themselves regardless of the fallout we can begin to change things.
Talk to your kids, raise them to see people, not color, not age, not sex. Teach them that no one deserves to be treated differently based on these things and that if they see it, say something. Do something. Because if its not you today, it will be at some point.
Done.
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