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just. ugh.

 


I'm struggling.

Not in a cry and boohoo feel sorry for myself way.......more in a regretful frustrated way.

At this moment, I'm not right for multiple reasons.

I haven't been sleeping well because my CPAP supplier company has been giving me the run around (this blog just reminded me that I missed my Dr. appt this morning to get my prescription renewed) I've been fighting with them for years, refuse to continue to buy my supplies because my insurance covers it and now I'm starting to use a new company - starting all over again.

Haven't used my CPAP in about a month.  Sleep has been SUCK.  And now I'm preoccupied with the man situation which makes me have stress dreams. 

Add to that - I suddenly just stopped taking my weight loss medication due to my specialist thinking my insurance wasn't going to continue to cover her, so she just refused to renew my prescription.  What a piece of shit.  My job covers weight loss through a new program now, but anyone already being treated was grandfathered in....me. hello?  That office treated me so poorly because they thought my insurance changed. When I called them to tell them my insurance DID in fact still pay for my treatment with them I also informed them they could go fuck themselves. No I didn't say it like that but they heard the underlying message.

Since April 17th I have been off that medication which has caused some anxiety (I was on it for a REASON) and obviously side effects.  FUN.  Healthcare is just batting it out of the park lately.  

Screwed up sleep, the sudden stopping of medication, and asking questions of a man.

The perfect storm.

And yet...........I get out of bed in the morning, get ready for work, put a smile on my face and do my job.  Then I go home, eat something and go to bed. I know I'm in a funk because I have no interest in reading, watching tv, crafting or even sitting on the deck with the hummingbirds. I want to sleep. 

My friends will keep me busy this weekend, so I won't sit around waiting to hear from him.  He has not said a word since Sunday's "discussion".  Which says a lot.  I reached out once because, that's who I am, and I won't be reaching out again.  We are at a standstill.  Here I am talking like it's a breakup or makeup situation but how do you breakup from something that didn't exist.  

I asked the gods for something, the same something I've been asking for my entire life.  And the answer is still no.

So. 

There's that.

I will be fine.  I always am.  I'll get the new prescriptions, I'll get my sleep and I'll lose the weight - continue to take care of my health.  I'll "do me" as they say.  

Business as usual. 

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