If you were to ask me what I want to do when i'm not working, it's be home. By myself. I clean, I putz around, rearrange furniture, watch TV, craft a bit, read, talk to my pets........and most recently I do this after eating a few gummies. It makes for a very uneventful, peaceful, restful, drama free weekend.
It can also happen too often. Before long I realize I'm not really enjoying the peace and quiet as much as hiding in it. A little goes a long way. Too much will slam me into depression.
Doing anything too much isn't healthy. Talking to a man that lives halfway across the country isn't smart. There's literally no point. And of course, now instead of knowing someone in IOWA that I can chat with occasionally, there are hurt feelings. See if this makes sense. He has a life firmly planted where he is. I have a job that will keep me here for another 9 years. I'm not leaving my job. He's not leaving his life. Why even start? The last thing I want to do is spend what little time off I have in airports spending too much money on flights and being taken away from my home to see someone I barely know, OR have HIM be at my place the entire time he's here.
I want my space, yes. But that's a LOT of space and too much concentrated time when we are together. So sorry about the hurt feelings. I told him long distance wasn't for me. Several times. Lost another friend. I need to stick to the traditional dating that allows me to see a man occasionally for a few hours so we can get to know each other over time. This instant relationship bullshit makes me want to become a nun.
Okay. Well. Now I'm the one ghosting and I get it.
Went to an 80's heavy metal event this weekend. One of my close friends brother is one of the bands that played. I invited a few of my friends that love to go see live music, especially 80's music. I had a blast, smiled and head nodded all night long with a bunch of other 80's metal lovers. These weren't cover bands, that made it even better.
In a way, I wish I could go back to that time and enjoy it more. I would have had so much more self confidence. I would have done so much more than get involved with a stupid boy. I would have had FUN.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda.
The holidays are coming up. I have great plans with my family that I'm looking forward to. I have gatherings with friends planned. I am going to spend time at the Elks making friends and getting out of the house. I'm going to go have some mother fucking FUN.
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