Smoking, cussing, too many tattoos and attitude seem to be the top answers in the single over 50 group I'm in online.
I can see why smoking. Tats are a personal preference, some only like women covered in them. Cussing, well, count me out but I get why it would be a problem for some. It's the attitude one that stumps me.
So vague, yet so often used as an answer.
I want to ask what kind of attitude, but I'm already disliked by most of the religious, midwest men folk in that room. They do NOT enjoy my humor or honesty. My "attitude" I'm assuming.
Thats totally fine, I'm not for everyone nor do I aspire to be.
I'm continually intrigued and sometimes infuriated by the marked differences in how people view life based on their geographical location. The East and West Coast seem to have more open minds, "liberal" and then you have the group that wants women to remain in their "place" and the women who WANT to remain in their place...........the puritanical group? That is safe to say without overgeneralizing too much.
There is adult humor in this group along with 12-year-old boy humor which is right up my alley. I like a good giggle over something shameful. Several women have made it their mission to mother the group and teach them what is appropriate to discuss in mixed company and I think everything should be discussed in mixed company. I think humor can be found in every situation, even if it is very dark humor. Anyone working with people, in healthcare understands it is an essential coping tool to survive day to day. I get there is a time and place. I'm not at someones sunday dinner. It's a facebook group.
I try really hard not to jump on and "educate" what I consider to be ignorant and judgemental comments. Mostly these people are told to "keep scrolling" or suggest that this group may not be their cup of tea. Yet they stay purely to be offended. I don't join church groups to teach them why they are offensive. Just saying.
Recently, there was a joke about a 3some. Lots of people made silly comments and people were getting a good giggle. Then the prissy brigade entered the conversation and brought their men with them. You can imagine the comments. "Never" "immoral" and such. uh huh. okay. sure.
I cuss. I have a few tats and I certainly have an attitude. Everyone does. I do NOT believe in ownership of another person. I do NOT believe sacrifice means giving up a part of yourself to please or keep someone else. I do NOT believe in limiting someone else based on my comfort level, or vice versa. I have been in two long term relationships, neither successful. I have played by other peoples rules regarding what a relationship should be, and trusted that my partners were also playing by the same rules.
Fuck rules.
No I don't want an open relationship and I know this by associating with people who do. No, I do not want a polygamous relationship, and I know this by having seriously considered, and rejecting the idea because it simply doesn't fit into MY lifestyle. Do I think I should condemn those who do live alternatively to the standard set of "rules"? No. What works for them and makes them happy as consenting adults is up to them. Honestly its none of my business unless it involves me. I've seen happy alternative relationships and unhappy ones......just like the old fashioned standard relationships. Some are great and some are not great. Life is like that across the board.
Balance.
I value trust above all other things. My ex (here we go again with an ex story) used to have infatuations with women we associated with. Understandable infatuations. I myself had infatuations with some of our male friends (not that I made it known to anyone). I would open that conversation with him and he would become angry, defensive and call me crazy. Because apparently, he never became infatuated with anyone ever. uh huh. Instead of it becoming something to tease each other over, perhaps even get excited over, he lied and became angry. He wasn't good about hiding his interests. I wasn't imagining it. Had he been honest......I wouldn't have had to worry about how he was acting when I wasn't around. I would have been able to trust him to tell me what I needed to know. He could have had crushes on 10 women at a time and it wouldn't have bothered me because I could trust him.
I couldn't even trust him to tell me the truth about something so lame as an infatuation.
That relationship screwed with me because I never knew which end was up, or what way I was facing with him. We had two different sets of "rules".
Fuck rules.
People are people and to be controlled by someone who loves you makes you keep secrets so you don't get into "trouble".
yeah. Fuck that too.
If I can't have honesty about silly things, how can I trust you with big things...like my heart? I value trust over all else. I no longer believe monogamy is the only way.....although I know I lose interest in all other men when I am in a relationship and not being ignored. I know that I use my words and communicate my needs.........i expect the same in return. Men aren't women. They keep secrets for many different reasons. Mostly because relationships create the environment that secrets must be kept for them to have their needs met and not lose everything they value.
I'm rambling. Those puritanical people scare the shit out of me. Mostly because they preach love and god but the spew hate as soon as they disagree. Two faces. or more. As long as they get their way.....
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