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Valentine 2.0

Valentines was different this year.  I'm pretty used to spending it alone and not celebrating.  Its a holiday for couples and many couple don't even celebrate it (because the guy is too damn cheap is my thought) My friends invited me out to see "dualing pianos" and that sounded fun.

The first song they played was "Sweet Caroline".........I hate the fucking song. 

Sooooo off to a great start.  

I spent the rest of the sober part of my evening spinning in my head about a relationship that ended years ago.
Then i started thinking about relationships that could have been if i hadn't been a stupid loyal bitch.

I am so glad i'm not living a Jerry Springer life anymore.  

I knew there would be no lovin on Valentines day because i'm single.  Being in a relationship and NOT knowing if you are celebrating or not is pure SUCK.  

I had a nice time and the evening did get better - I was with good company and good gummies.  I may have sang along and clapped a few times. 

Per usual, i spent the weekend with my friends.  This time though, their grandsons came on saturday night and I didn't leave first thing Sunday morning......i was invited to go to their daughters home for a family birthday party and i went. It was nice to be around an entire family for a few hours.  I forget what that feels like sometimes.  

I want to spend more time with my kids and my granddaughter- I wish we all lived closer and had the kind of situation where getting together on Sundays (or whatever day) was a simple thing that didn't involve a lot of driving and/or public transportation.  I wish my home was somewhere they used their key to just come to randomly and see me.  Or borrow stuff.  Or look for food.  But they are grown and have entire lives of which i am a small part of.  Thats more than some people who have no relationship with their kids at all.  I'm grateful but i still want.  Want. Want.

Sometimes i feel filled with regret over choices i've made and then i remember that my kids are good people with good heads on their shoulders.  They are doing better in live than i ever did.  They make smart choices.


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