got dropped

I had the day off yesterday and did absolutely nothing which is my most favorite thing to do by myself.  I slept in, i read my book, i putzed around the kitchen.  I stayed in my pj's all day.  I moved from my recliner to my bed, to the coffee.

It was grand.

I had a feeling something was up with Rob because tuesday he texted and told me he was exhausted and just wanted to shower and go to bed.  Could we skip our call?  I said, absolutely.  (we aren't a couple but i value his communication style) Then yesterday he texted me in the morning, as is his habit (and i wasn't even hating it as usual).  No "how's your day" text around noon, so i figured he must be really busy at work or............no, i won't think that way.

But then, THE CALL.  Exactly when he said he would call, but i felt the vibe immediately.  Too quiet.  I asked if he was feeling okay?  He said no.  And then the rush of words that so many men find so difficult and ghost instead. He said he had a lot on his plate, that he was stretching himself too thin and that he realized he was still not over his ex-girlfriend.  He didn't want to be dishonest.  He thinks i'm wonderful blah blah blah.

I let him say his thing.  The first sentence would have sufficed.  I didn't need an explanation.  He didn't owe me one.  But i will give him the credit due because he did the thing.  So many men just disappear and leave women hanging wondering what the hell happened.  I haven't been ghosted, but i have been dragged along because the guy just couldn't say he didn't want to see me anymore.  

I'm getting better at it.  Hell, i know how he feels.  I enjoyed his way- he communicated, he shared his interests, he listened to me share mine, we talked about real things.  Sex was less than 1% of the conversation and even then it was in the context of we liked the slow pace of getting to know each other and not jumping into bed immediately.

Maybe he was full of shit.  If he was, he did a great job of covering it up.  He's a good guy.  I wish him the best.  

Okay, so i tried.  I dated someone i was not instantly attracted to because he is a nice man and had his priorities straight.  What did i learn?  There are nice guys out there.  Maybe they don't look like what i expect....but when you get to know someone they start to look different to you.  Like some beautiful people, you are attracted until you get to know what they are about.  Some guys i wouldn't look at twice due to my messed up programming, are really worth getting to know.

I mean.  I knew that theoretically.  But now, i've experienced it.  HOWEVER, there are plenty of not attractive men that are douchebags too.  So what it comes down to is......take my time.  Don't jump into anything too quickly.  AND don't take it personally when it doesn't work out.  So many of us in my age group have open wounds, or unsolved situations........It's okay.  Wish them well.  And then, move on.

Trump.  I can't.  I sit here writing about dating when this country is imploding.  I have never in my life questioned my rights, or my safety.  I do now. I'm scared of what is happening.  I feel helpless, and angry.  But today, i go to work and do my job and take care of the people in my life the best i can.  And i have hope. 

For now.